Want to die, but jerked away

[Thatdude]

So something that bugs me is I had to help someone fix some part. The part is about 25 lb or so and about 30 feet in the air. There is no safety equipment since I was just helping someone at their home, and I mostly agreed because I figure worse case it will kill me. The object looked for a second to about to fall directly on my head and I cleared the area for a split second. It bugs me because I know I want to die, but I still avoided something that could've killed me.

Does anyone have any idea why I did clear the area for a split second?

 

[Amossoma543]

So something that bugs me is I had to help someone fix some part. The part is about 25 lb or so and about 30 feet in the air. There is no safety equipment since I was just helping someone at their home, and I mostly agreed because I figure worse case it will kill me. The object looked for a second to about to fall directly on my head and I cleared the area for a split second. It bugs me because I know I want to die, but I still avoided something that could've killed me.

Does anyone have any idea why I did clear the area for a split second?

Very simple explanation. Survival instinct. It's virtually impossible to overcome without some assistance or repeated practice or artificial means, like being drugged. That's why very few people slit their own throats, which would result in death in short order. Your body has evolved to avoid death at all costs...and for obvious reasons. It's not like in films where people usually die instantly. The body fights hard against death.

I recall an interview I read from a serial killer who described killing people. He talked about how gruesome actually killing someone is...and how hard it is. Even when death was imminent and you'd think a person would be dead...the body still fought very strenuously to live. The survival instinct is incredibly strong.

 

[k75]

Survival instinct. We all have it to some degree, even if we really, really want to die.

 

[Thatdude]

That's why very few people slit their own throats, which would result in death in short order.

I think the reason why many don't do this is pain. Yes it will be quick if done right and assuming you have a sharp enough knife. But everyone who has gotten a cut (from cooking or whatever) knows how painful it can be.

Like even on here I seen where people had well thought out plans on how to end themselves. But the completely abandon them simply because it would be painful, and there is less painful options.

With that one in mind, I think you're right about it being my survival instinct. Nothing would've happened since it didn't fall when it slipped, so I didn't miss out on anything. But I'm just disappointed in myself. Then again, there is just as high of a likely that it might paralyze me or just hurt really really really bad. Maybe this had something to do with it?

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

I think it's cause you don't want to be paralyzed like the rest of us
I think it's cause you don't want to be paralyzed like the rest of us

 

[Amossoma543]

I think the reason why many don't do this is pain. Yes it will be quick if done right and assuming you have a sharp enough knife. But everyone who has gotten a cut (from cooking or whatever) knows how painful it can be.

Like even on here I seen where people had well thought out plans on how to end themselves. But the completely abandon them simply because it would be painful, and there is less painful options.

With that one in mind, I think you're right about it being my survival instinct. Nothing would've happened since it didn't fall when it slipped, so I didn't miss out on anything. But I'm just disappointed in myself. Then again, there is just as high of a likely that it might paralyze me or just hurt really really really bad. Maybe this had something to do with it?

I have a box of Blue Diamond razors for if I get desperate. One deep jab would hurt, but shock would set in pretty fast. I don't think pain would be a huge factor. I've read that for people who've slit their wrists...the area becomes almost numb, especially as blood loss increases. I really got the urge the other day.

 

[voyager]

Could be SI, but I'd prefer the term self preservation in this case, reflex acting upon common sense, keeping one in a better state than the alternative your situation posed. Might also be about control of one's own destiny. Choosing the right moment with no unfinished business left behind. Free choice. If death offered right now it would be so simple, so tempting, so free of all guilt and regrets, and yet I might decline only to kill myself another time.