Want to CTB This Weekend at 00:05, Sunday

[diyCTB]

Hello,

I have almost finished preparing letter for my dear mom.
On 00:05 Sunday I will take SN.

I will follow 48 hour regiment:

1. 10mg x1 tablet of Metoclopramide every 8 hours
2. 10mg x2 tablets of Metoclopramide 1 hour before SN (Sodium Nitrite, NaNo2)
3. 200mg x4 tablets of Tagamet 30 minutes before SN
4. 20g of SN dissolved in 50ml plastic cup at room temperature

Is this regiment correct by itself?
Anything I have forgotten?
Anything you would add?

Hoping for a peaceful and quick exit.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry about whatever has led you to contemplate this.

When it's my turn I'll prepare one or two extra batches of SN just in case I throw up while still conscious, and I'll use more water to dissolve it in - more like 20g in 75ml. But that's me.

I hope all your choices going forward lead to the best outcomes for you. x

 

[diyCTB]

Does SN fully dissolve in water or some granules will remain? In this case should I try to dissolve them with spoon? If that won't work should I gulp granules undissolved?

 

[diyCTB]

UPDATE: Sadly I won't CTB as planned. There is a risk involved of being discovered and if I vomit I will alert my mom and will have to call an ambulance.
I should have taken a day off but employer would probably not give it to me. If I had day off my mom would not be at home and I would be able to CTB.

The impulse to die I had on Thursday has passed and over weekend I wasn't as stressed and felt better as if nothing happened.
This impulse is very important since it's that impulse that will give you the needed push to die. I didn't have that impulse any more
and felt a bit chicken too. I was at the end of 48 hour regiment, took my 6th Metoclopramide tablet. The next 2 I would take hour before SN.

I will keep this thread updated.

 

[Baskol1]

UPDATE: Sadly I won't CTB as planned. There is a risk involved of being discovered and if I vomit I will alert my mom and will have to call an ambulance.
I should have taken a day off but employer would probably not give it to me. If I had day off my mom would not be at home and I would be able to CTB.

The impulse to die I had on Thursday has passed and over weekend I wasn't as stressed and felt better as if nothing happened.
This impulse is very important since it's that impulse that will give you the needed push to die. I didn't have that impulse any more
and felt a bit chicken too. I was at the end of 48 hour regiment, took my 6th Metoclopramide tablet. The next 2 I would take hour before SN.

I will keep this thread updated.

Good decision, suicide should be the last option, are you sure there is no hope for you?

 

[Wayfaerer]

Why not rent a hotel room?

 

[diyCTB]

Why not rent a hotel room?

This would be a great idea but my mom would definitely
suspect something is not right. I am always at home, have
no friends, don't go outside. Renting a room before tomorrow's
work day would seem suspicious and I cannot think of any good excuse.

 

[Wayfaerer]

This would be a great idea but my mom would definitely
suspect something is not right. I am always at home, have
no friends, don't go outside. Renting a room before tomorrow's
work day would seem suspicious and I cannot think of any good excuse.

If you have intent to really go through this, why not just skip work so you'll be home when your mother isn't?

 

[diyCTB]

If you have intent to really go through this, why not just skip work so you'll be home when your mother isn't?

I was afraid if I will fail, I will have to end up in hospital and my employer would know about my attempt.
I am afraid of shame and judgement. This is part of my schizoaffective disorder.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I was afraid if I will fail, I will have to end up in hospital and my employer would know about my attempt.
I am afraid of shame and judgement. This is part of my schizoaffective disorder.

You can't fail with SA if you can get your hands on it. It's not all that difficult to acquire but not quite as pleasant as SN and much-less-so than with N.

Even if you used it at the hospital, there is a great chance that they won't be able to do anything about it.