Want to ctb because of isolation

[Xaphous]

I'm permanently isolated as I have been for over 10 years now. I'm also a virgin and never had a girlfriend, never even hugged or kissed. These are my reasons for wanting to kill myself. Everyday is torture with no one to even talk to for the entire day and night, for the whole week the whole month..... The childhood, teenage years, early 20s bullying and putdowns has massively contributed to my hopeless position. I am also refused a diagnosis for anything so therefore refused any money while I suffer in torture my entire life.

As much as I want to change my situation given my mental health state I have no choice but to continue enduring it. As much as I want to have a job girlfriend a normal life I'm denied it all. I tried getting a job sending 100s of applications and get no response at all. I'm blacklisted from having anything at all in life and I'm supposed to be fucking ok with that?

 

[lastNamePicked]

no, you don't which is why you are here. you are questioning your existence still trying to figure out a possible solution.
what is the reason you have been denied by others ? the key question is whether you can work on that.

 

[Xaphous]

no, you don't which is why you are here. you are questioning your existence still trying to figure out a possible solution.
what is the reason you have been denied by others ? the key question is whether you can work on that.

Yes I would rather change life than end it but I have cycled through all of my options and there is absolutely nothing. When there is zero hope in every aspect of life then suicide is the only remaining option. Trust me I don't want to be a loser of epic proportions and be stuck in victim mindset but I am, there is simply no way to change any of it. I already have probably a thousand posts on isolation on the net in other places and my life never changed. Only someone that endures it knows how much it destroys you mentally. The health services are also useless and a joke and can't provide any help, that's why they literally have a one star rating across the board.

 

[lastNamePicked]

Yes I would rather change life than end it but I have cycled through all of my options and there is absolutely nothing. When there is zero hope in every aspect of life then suicide is the only remaining option. Trust me I don't want to be a loser of epic proportions and be stuck in victim mindset but I am, there is simply no way to change any of it. I already have probably a thousand posts on isolation on the net in other places and my life never changed. Only someone that endures it knows how much it destroys you mentally. The health services are also useless and a joke and can't provide any help, that's why they literally have a one star rating across the board.

you live isolated and want to change that. but for what reason have you been bullied ? what is the cause you cannot get along with others ?

 

[Xaphous]

you live isolated and want to change that. but for what reason have you been bullied ? what is the cause you cannot get along with others ?

You will find that people bullied in childhood often carry that curse throughout their life. Just a target for everyone of all ages. There doesn't have to be any reason they just find one.

 

[lastNamePicked]

You will find that people bullied in childhood often carry that curse throughout their life. Just a target for everyone of all ages. There doesn't have to be any reason they just find one.

are you currently trying to make social connections or do you refuse exactly that because of the negative experiences that you have had ? I'm trying to understand why you live isolated today.

 

[Xaphous]

are you currently trying to make social connections or do you refuse exactly that because of the negative experiences that you have had ? I'm trying to understand why you live isolated today.

Unless I'm going to approach strangers on the street and talk to them (which I don't and no one does), then yes I have no other choice.

 

[lastNamePicked]

u have logically concluded that you have no choice left, true. and yet: you are still here posting this. you are still processing it all ... i guess that you want people to comment on your situation because you still feel some doubt about ending it all.

 

[Xaphous]

u have logically concluded that you have no choice left, true. and yet: you are still here posting this. you are still processing it all ... i guess that you want people to comment on your situation because you still feel some doubt about ending it all.

I don't know, I am just writing because it's all I have as a form of expression because the suffering is brutal.

 

[Psilo]

Im in a kinda same situation. I have only family, but that doesnt bring anything. I want a real life, my appartment, a job and a gf that I can love. I sick of being alone, but Im also not doing anything about it, I put myself in this sad situation and now all I can think of is to ctb. Fuck my life, fuck it and fuck me.

I gonna die alone in the woods, thanks to sn, hopefully.

 

[Noitu x Love]

Because humans are social animals, perhaps you should try to fix your isolation rather than making the permanent jump to suicide.

 

[Addy92]

Not enjoy a pint?