Venting Want to ctb because of debt and guilt

[reginas.specter]

Well, not just that. But simply put. I feel like taking on student loan debt was the biggest mistake of my life. I will NEVER be earning that kind of money as long as i'm alive. Thinking about it makes me realize how much i fucked myself. Maybe if i hadn't taken on all that debt at 17 years old, i'd have more hope that i can live a life i'm proud of. Maybe I'd be more optimistic about the future. But as it stands, i know i will never be able to stop thinking about money. I will never be able to have a job i love, because money comes first. i will never be able to go a month without needing money to be coming in. I know I can't blame anyone but myself anymore, even though I want to blame my mother, who never even hinted at how difficult this would be, and all the folks who spew the ridiculous rhetoric surrounding college, how you absolutely HAVE to go. And what makes it worse is that I hated college. It dropped me deeper into depression than I have ever been in my life. I never made a single friend, alienated tons of people, and got a useless degree. It's useless to complain about all that now, though. The facts stand—if I died, my loans would be forgiven. It wouldn't fall on anyone's shoulders anymore, i wouldn't have to selfishly ask people for help paying my loans. I won't have to make anyone suffer anymore after i'm gone. And anyway, every word that comes out of my mouth hurts the people i love. Everything i do or say is just WRONG. Every major decision is a regret. It would be for the best, right? Even though the death of a loved one is hard, and grief is a bitch (i've certainly been there and am still going through it), i'd be saving everyone a LOT more pain by just ending it all. Including myself. And there i go again being a selfish bitch, lol. Sorry for the vent. Selfish again.

 

[iwanttodie000]

Don't be sorry for the vent, that's exactly what this space is for. :) I feel the same exact way in so many ways, different circumstances, but the feelings are the same and they are valid.

 

[WornOutLife]

Okay, debts are really hard to deal with and certainly make lots of people suicidal.
I use to owe a lot of money to some people some years ago and thought I was never gonna be able to give it back but I started working lots and doing random online jobs such as completing surveys, filling captchas, making youtube videos (yeah, I even got 60k subscribers lol), and I even sold my english lessons on a popular website.

I didn't go out with my friends, have a girlfriend, buy stuff, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BUT WORK. I just ate rice and noodles and drank sink water but after some years, I was able to pay it all.

My point is, your debt is probably very high but you will be able to pay it if you make an extreme effort. You could even quit college so that the debt doesn't get bigger right?

Hope you find a solution for this. It would be really a shame to ctb just due to money.

 

[Endeavour]

Just go bankrupt. The big firms and banks can afford the loss. Then 3 or 4 years later, you're golden.

There's going to be a LOT of bankruptcies with covid etc, now is the perfect time to get debts written off.

Why feel bad about it?

The banks almost wrecked the entire economy, they were bailed out by us, the taxpayer, and we had to go into austerity for it, no investment in infrastructure, less jobs, worse healthcare, etc.

We're still paying for that from 2008, within 3 years they were paying themseves multi-million dollar bonuses again.

And NONE of them lost their homes or went to jail.

 

[saltshaker]

Just go bankrupt. The big firms and banks can afford the loss. Then 3 or 4 years later, you're golden.

There's going to be a LOT of bankruptcies with covid etc, now is the perfect time to get debts written off.

Why feel bad about it?

This. Take all your wealth out in cash and declare bankruptcy. Fuck em.

That being said i remember hearing that it's not possible do do this with student debt in the US.

 

[Georgiana Darcy]

Same here. You´re not alone with that situation.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

As I repeat on here almost every day : if you do CTB, run up as much credit card debt as you can before you die. There is nothing more beautiful than forcing a bank or any other failing social arrangement to eat a loss.

It's going to be beautiful when many overpaid public sector and banking / speculative economy employees lose their inflated salaries and pensions due to so many defaults .

 

[the_final_countdown]

I've had the fortune/misfortune of being in a very stable mood for long periods of time, followed by suicidal depression because of antibiotics/illness.

I've spent enough time in the depressive state to know it colors your past in a very cruel way—every decision is one filled with regret.

Know this friend: Millions of people have made similar decisions. It's not strictly the choices you made that haunt you, but your perception of them.

At the same time, I sympathize. I do. Wish there was a way we could remove that cloud.

 

[Doubledie2]

Well, not just that. But simply put. I feel like taking on student loan debt was the biggest mistake of my life. I will NEVER be earning that kind of money as long as i'm alive. Thinking about it makes me realize how much i fucked myself. Maybe if i hadn't taken on all that debt at 17 years old, i'd have more hope that i can live a life i'm proud of. Maybe I'd be more optimistic about the future. But as it stands, i know i will never be able to stop thinking about money. I will never be able to have a job i love, because money comes first. i will never be able to go a month without needing money to be coming in. I know I can't blame anyone but myself anymore, even though I want to blame my mother, who never even hinted at how difficult this would be, and all the folks who spew the ridiculous rhetoric surrounding college, how you absolutely HAVE to go. And what makes it worse is that I hated college. It dropped me deeper into depression than I have ever been in my life. I never made a single friend, alienated tons of people, and got a useless degree. It's useless to complain about all that now, though. The facts stand—if I died, my loans would be forgiven. It wouldn't fall on anyone's shoulders anymore, i wouldn't have to selfishly ask people for help paying my loans. I won't have to make anyone suffer anymore after i'm gone. And anyway, every word that comes out of my mouth hurts the people i love. Everything i do or say is just WRONG. Every major decision is a regret. It would be for the best, right? Even though the death of a loved one is hard, and grief is a bitch (i've certainly been there and am still going through it), i'd be saving everyone a LOT more pain by just ending it all. Including myself. And there i go again being a selfish bitch, lol. Sorry for the vent. Selfish again.

Money is worthless. It has only the value people give it. The love they give it. Don't give it your life too. Take control of it and tell those who love it that you will pay them back as and when you can. Because they love it so much, they will be only too happy to get back whatever you give them rather than nothing at all. They will kick up a fuss to be sure but if you show them you are in control of it, and they cannot control you because of it, then they can do nothing to you but rant.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

As I repeat on here almost every day : if you do CTB, run up as much credit card debt as you can before you die. There is nothing more beautiful than forcing a bank or any other failing social arrangement to eat a loss.

It's going to be beautiful when many overpaid public sector and banking / speculative economy employees lose their inflated salaries and pensions due to so many defaults .

You are wise

 

[valleyofdeath]

student debt is not your fault! the system is set up to steal,steal and steal from young people!!!

 

[Final Escape]

Well, not just that. But simply put. I feel like taking on student loan debt was the biggest mistake of my life. I will NEVER be earning that kind of money as long as i'm alive. Thinking about it makes me realize how much i fucked myself. Maybe if i hadn't taken on all that debt at 17 years old, i'd have more hope that i can live a life i'm proud of. Maybe I'd be more optimistic about the future. But as it stands, i know i will never be able to stop thinking about money. I will never be able to have a job i love, because money comes first. i will never be able to go a month without needing money to be coming in. I know I can't blame anyone but myself anymore, even though I want to blame my mother, who never even hinted at how difficult this would be, and all the folks who spew the ridiculous rhetoric surrounding college, how you absolutely HAVE to go. And what makes it worse is that I hated college. It dropped me deeper into depression than I have ever been in my life. I never made a single friend, alienated tons of people, and got a useless degree. It's useless to complain about all that now, though. The facts stand—if I died, my loans would be forgiven. It wouldn't fall on anyone's shoulders anymore, i wouldn't have to selfishly ask people for help paying my loans. I won't have to make anyone suffer anymore after i'm gone. And anyway, every word that comes out of my mouth hurts the people i love. Everything i do or say is just WRONG. Every major decision is a regret. It would be for the best, right? Even though the death of a loved one is hard, and grief is a bitch (i've certainly been there and am still going through it), i'd be saving everyone a LOT more pain by just ending it all. Including myself. And there i go again being a selfish bitch, lol. Sorry for the vent. Selfish again.

I got into student loan trap as well. Ure not alone in that bullshit.

 

[loopylou]

I'm 37, and this is the first for since I was 18 that I'm 'debt free' feels good.

 

[Final Escape]

I'm 37, and this is the first for since I was 18 that I'm 'debt free' feels good.

Congrats u were able to get out of it.

 

[loopylou]

Congrats u were able to get out of it.

Thank you. Took me a long time!! I remember logging into my credit record and it said something like ' short term debt £18,000' actually shocked the hell out of me

 

[life-eternal]

don't feel bad @reginas.specter there are so many people in your similar situation, it is not funny. I am not from U.S. but i know a ton of people here that came to study from U.S. and are on the same boat as you. Taking on such a huge debt and commitment at 18 is insane and 100% not your fault, you studied what you wanted at the time because that's what parents tell their kids "do what you want, study what you want!" because they want you to be happy, so they fail to see all the shit that comes with that. It is good advice to study what you want, but the system is fucking ridiculous. Like others have said, declare bankruptcy, or yolo and move countries, never pay it back. It isn't your fault. I believe there will be college debt forgiveness in the U.S. very soon, because the system is insane. This is student debt at the moment:

http://collegedebt.com or https://finaid.org/loans/studentloandebtclock/

Look at the clock ticking every second lol this shit is going to blow up very soon

So i would say, relax, chill and literally forget about your debt. Make your money and pay if you must the minimum you can, and just wait for the whole system to end and not even think about it, just accept it as it is. Or look into studying something else you want overseas.
also another option maybe is to enlist in the army. You would get really fit and will get tons of benefits. I wish i did that at an earlier age instead of what i did, which is now sitting infront of a computer 10 hours a day being miserable.

 

[reginas.specter]

This. Take all your wealth out in cash and declare bankruptcy. Fuck em.

That being said i remember hearing that it's not possible do do this with student debt in the US.

yeah, if u declare bankruptcy in US it won't do shit for student loans ahah. so fuckin convenient
i

don't feel bad @reginas.specter there are so many people in your similar situation, it is not funny. I am not from U.S. but i know a ton of people here that came to study from U.S. and are on the same boat as you. Taking on such a huge debt and commitment at 18 is insane and 100% not your fault, you studied what you wanted at the time because that's what parents tell their kids "do what you want, study what you want!" because they want you to be happy, so they fail to see all the shit that comes with that. It is good advice to study what you want, but the system is fucking ridiculous. Like others have said, declare bankruptcy, or yolo and move countries, never pay it back. It isn't your fault. I believe there will be college debt forgiveness in the U.S. very soon, because the system is insane. This is student debt at the moment:

http://collegedebt.com or https://finaid.org/loans/studentloandebtclock/

Look at the clock ticking every second lol this shit is going to blow up very soon

So i would say, relax, chill and literally forget about your debt. Make your money and pay if you must the minimum you can, and just wait for the whole system to end and not even think about it, just accept it as it is. Or look into studying something else you want overseas.
also another option maybe is to enlist in the army. You would get really fit and will get tons of benefits. I wish i did that at an earlier age instead of what i did, which is now sitting infront of a computer 10 hours a day being miserable.

yeah, im hoping for some federal loan forgiveness soon, but i also have private. i can barely talk about it it makes me so angry and sad lol. especially because i know that even if i DONT end my life, i will never be free of this debt. probably will still be paying it when i reach my 60s. so brutal. but your advice is good, and i've been coming into that mindset more lately. i just have to keep paying the minimums and kind of forget that it ruined my life lmao.. meaning i should stop regretting it so much because there's nothing i can do to change that now. and yeah, i also sit in front of a computer 10 hours a day lol. great use of a college education. i hope you can find something that makes you happy soon :)