Want to accomplish my dreams but I want to die

[heLLishLandscape]

I was accepted into my dream grad school and I have the opportunity of a lifetime. But financial aid still hasn't been dispersed and trying to find housing is so stressful. I can't sleep, my hair is falling out, and I'm wondering if this is even worth it. I'm trying to move 1000+ miles away from home and it's so goddamn expensive. How am I supposed to do this? I took a few gap years from undergrad to this and I feel like this is my chance but also that I'm too late. How can I get there cheaply by the time school is supposed to start? I'm already on the waitlist for uni housing. There's a voice inside my head just telling me to kill myself to stop this, but that's the thing. I don't really want to die but I want this to stop. The voice keeps telling me to do it and I'm getting closer and closer each day and no one knows. Thanks for listening.

 

[emptyenvelopes]

Replying to say that you are not alone. I read in a self help book recently that stressful things feel less overwhelming when your brain knows you have an escape or out, so that's why when we are extremely stressed we think of killing ourselves. It's like our brain's attempt to take control of a situation we feel we have no control of. It also gives us an escape, and just the idea of an escape can supposedly give your brain the small comfort it needs to keep going.

Do what you wish with that. Maybe if you can talk with a family or friend about if everything does not work that they could support you though it you would have that escape plan that's not ctb. Or maybe you could start with little things you can control and work on those to make your brain feel more ready for the harder decisions.

The pressure to choose the right life path is so real though. I don't know you but know that I am rooting for you.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

You came all this way. You're so close. Find a way to power through. Maybe take one more semester off and work like a dog and safe money. I don't have an answer for you. All I can say is power through.