All my life, I've been waiting for the next "shoe to drop". For those not familiar with the saying, it basically means "expecting something bad to happen". I grew up with an all-encompassing abusive, narcissistic father who would constantly dangle safety and security over our heads. If there was temporary peace, it was always only a matter of time before something simple triggered him and caused another blowout in the family.
I don't speak to anyone in my family anymore as of 2021, but my body is conditioned to keep waiting for the next shoe to drop.
Now that I have determined the viability of CTB as a real choice for relief, I have found myself in a bind, not particularly wanting to go just yet but knowing that I will eventually take matters into my own hands.
The next shoe to drop will be the last one, and I will CTB swiftly after it occurs. It could be a minor setback, a mild wrongdoing, or maybe even a large one. As a government employee in the US, I could lose my job at any moment (although we are partially funded by state funds and we are an essential nutrition program [WIC]).
I honestly can't wait.
I don't speak to anyone in my family anymore as of 2021, but my body is conditioned to keep waiting for the next shoe to drop.
Now that I have determined the viability of CTB as a real choice for relief, I have found myself in a bind, not particularly wanting to go just yet but knowing that I will eventually take matters into my own hands.
The next shoe to drop will be the last one, and I will CTB swiftly after it occurs. It could be a minor setback, a mild wrongdoing, or maybe even a large one. As a government employee in the US, I could lose my job at any moment (although we are partially funded by state funds and we are an essential nutrition program [WIC]).
I honestly can't wait.
