imsorrybear
Member
- Apr 3, 2020
- 22
Ordered my SN about two weeks ago and ive been waiting ever since.
Never thought id do this since someone intervened with my attempt/plan i had about a month ago when I was supposed to ctb so I had to order it again. This time from another source thats a lot cheaper.
The only thing I look forward to now is my chance to ctb via SN, nothing makes me happy anymore.
I love my s/o but prolonged quarantine and his work and my studies proves it hard to maintain much activity between us, he seems tired.
I love my mom, but my eating disorder and temper gets the best of me and every conversation leads to an almost full-blown arguement.
Lets not talk about my dad.
My eating disorder is going all over the place, Ive dropped about 5-6kg in quarantine from my anorexia relapse.
Feels as if theres no way out of my eating disorder anymore, 3 years of this and I already feel sick of it, every recovery attempt is still plagued with disordered thoughts. My body is practically dead, my brain has probably been damaged to fuckall, havent had a proper consistent period since my anorexia started 3 years ago, i cant eat a meal without my stomach bloating up because my GI tract is so fucked.
Meanwhile, my studies and grades have been affected due to the flawed grading system on online classes. Ive just given up.
I cant wait to sleep and actually rest for forever.
Yes, I am sorry, to my mother and my lover for all the time and money theyve wasted but I believe they will recover.
Im just tired.
Ill try to send some money to my S/O and have my school bursary transferred into my mom's account before I go.
But for now,
damn.
Can I please at least have my SN in my mailbox? It was so hard to get meto again since I had to lie to the doctor about acid reflux and shit the second time and meto wasnt recommended for long term use.
Wish I died that time I dropped to BMI 13.
I just had to not choose "recovery".
I only prolonged my own suffering lol.
Two days ago my mom told me she didnt think I would live past the next two years with my eating disorder, and if I died shed "finally be free" and would move out, etc.
Dont worry mom, youll be able to do that in no time.
Never thought id do this since someone intervened with my attempt/plan i had about a month ago when I was supposed to ctb so I had to order it again. This time from another source thats a lot cheaper.
The only thing I look forward to now is my chance to ctb via SN, nothing makes me happy anymore.
I love my s/o but prolonged quarantine and his work and my studies proves it hard to maintain much activity between us, he seems tired.
I love my mom, but my eating disorder and temper gets the best of me and every conversation leads to an almost full-blown arguement.
Lets not talk about my dad.
My eating disorder is going all over the place, Ive dropped about 5-6kg in quarantine from my anorexia relapse.
Feels as if theres no way out of my eating disorder anymore, 3 years of this and I already feel sick of it, every recovery attempt is still plagued with disordered thoughts. My body is practically dead, my brain has probably been damaged to fuckall, havent had a proper consistent period since my anorexia started 3 years ago, i cant eat a meal without my stomach bloating up because my GI tract is so fucked.
Meanwhile, my studies and grades have been affected due to the flawed grading system on online classes. Ive just given up.
I cant wait to sleep and actually rest for forever.
Yes, I am sorry, to my mother and my lover for all the time and money theyve wasted but I believe they will recover.
Im just tired.
Ill try to send some money to my S/O and have my school bursary transferred into my mom's account before I go.
But for now,
damn.
Can I please at least have my SN in my mailbox? It was so hard to get meto again since I had to lie to the doctor about acid reflux and shit the second time and meto wasnt recommended for long term use.
Wish I died that time I dropped to BMI 13.
I just had to not choose "recovery".
I only prolonged my own suffering lol.
Two days ago my mom told me she didnt think I would live past the next two years with my eating disorder, and if I died shed "finally be free" and would move out, etc.
Dont worry mom, youll be able to do that in no time.
Last edited:
