Venting Waiting for my bus

[antilife]

I'm so fucking tired of this shit. I feel like a disgusting piece of trash I can't take care of anything. The only thinh I do is watch something on my phone and nothing else. I Can't bear it when my mind is thinking so I constantly watch something. I'm not going outside I'm not eating I'm falling asleep at 7 in the morning. I don't want to see anyone because I don't know what to say and talk about anyway due to 0 interest in anythinh at all. Also because I am disgusting, I don't shower because it's too hard for me. I wear the same clothes for days. I don't fucking want to live like this but I can't change anything because my brain is the fucking problem. I hate myself, I hate my miserable existence. I live inside my bed.

I already ordered some stuff so that I can ctb soon but it's going to be so long until it's finally there. And then I'm scared that I won't make it. Because of fucking survival instinct. I already survived 3 attempts because I couldn't go through with it. I really CAN NOT DO IT ANYMORE... I'm afraid that I'm too dumb to carry out my chosen method which is scba. I beg you guys out there to please help me with it when the time comes. Please help me out of this hell. Please let me make it to the bus.

 

[avaruus]

I don't know if this helps you, but i can pretty much 100% relate to you.
Like someone here said; don't lose hope!
Whether the hope is in death or in life, don't lose it, there is peace at the end of the tunnel.

 

[tired0zymandias]

Same as you here, I just get fired and all i did everyday is useless thing. but when it comes to ctb you need much more mental preparation. I got severe panic attack. Every time I think about ctb, I cannot lie that I'm afraid. Not only afraid to die but other peoples feelings especially my mom.

What I can say is you should try to be more prepared about it if you really want to ctb. you have to think not feel. It's a ctb you should do it properly, in peace, in your own time, you are entirely up to you.

Anyway, hope the best for you! Love!

 

[urmom]

bro sammmeee 3: also best of luck on ctb <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of suffering in this existence, it must be dreadful being trapped in that situation so I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you are searching for.

 

[antilife]

Same as you here, I just get fired and all i did everyday is useless thing. but when it comes to ctb you need much more mental preparation. I got severe panic attack. Every time I think about ctb, I cannot lie that I'm afraid. Not only afraid to die but other peoples feelings especially my mom.

What I can say is you should try to be more prepared about it if you really want to ctb. you have to think not feel. It's a ctb you should do it properly, in peace, in your own time, you are entirely up to you.

Anyway, hope the best for you! Love!

Yeah I know. It may sound impulsive here but it really is not. This is chronic suicidality for almost 6 months and its not The first time either. I can't go through with it because I'm afraid that it won't work, most methods aren't really reliable and because of SI. Im in this state for months now and trying to prepare for it...

 

[tired0zymandias]

Yeah I know. It may sound impulsive here but it really is not. This is chronic suicidality for almost 6 months and its not The first time either. I can't go through with it because I'm afraid that it won't work, most methods aren't really reliable and because of SI. Im in this state for months now and trying to prepare for it...

Yeah buddy, I hope the best for you to leave this world as peaceful as possible

 

[haibane]

Im so sorry ure feeling that way. Good luck and hope u will find peace

 

[twin size mattress]

I completely understand how you feel, honestly I can relate quite a bit. It's a terrible feeling and I hope you find peace from it soon, and good luck if you need it