vsed day 3

[msesis]

day 3 of vsed. haven't had food or drink since 10am thursday. just posting to keep myself company. im not sure how long this will go on, honestly. i decided that if something doesn't happen, i'm refusing to live. whether that happens or not we will see. in the mean time i will vsed and wait for death. opening this thread to keep a log of my symptoms, maybe will help others.

it's 8pm saturday. on the first day or so i spent most of my time sleeping. the relief of deciding to die if things don't work was so relaxing that i collapsed and slept for most of thursday and throughout the night. symptoms today are mostly extreme fatigue. legs are in a constant state of slight pain but easily ignorable. think about water all the time, lol. the temptation is pretty extreme, but i can still squash it pretty easily with willpower. can't sleep for long. vivid dreams. but i am also sleeping on the floor, so that may have something to do with it. everything is exhausting, so i cannot do anything except sit in my thoughts. very bored. every second feels like torture. but it is better than the mental pain i had while living. going to try fall asleep and will update tomorrow. all in all, pretty good experience so far, but i know it's only day 3.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

What has to happen to make you not die?

 

[msesis]

What has to happen to make you not die?

it's so comically simple i could cry. this simple question made me want to cry. but my family has made getting that so fucking torturous. now there's almost no chance of getting it back. it's a matter of time. can't go back in time. but im still.. somehow fighting in a way to see what i can still do. cant help being vague now, because it's too painful to even say out loud.

11pm saturday - just woke up from.. dont know. nap? cried but only like 2 ass tears came out of my eyes.. great use of water. feel kind of normal so far. so angry, so depressed. in shock at what things have come to.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from the suffering, best wishes.

 

[msesis]

it's so comically simple i could cry. this simple question made me want to cry. but my family has made getting that so fucking torturous. now there's almost no chance of getting it back. it's a matter of time. can't go back in time. but im still.. somehow fighting in a way to see what i can still do. cant help being vague now, because it's too painful to even say out loud.

11pm saturday - just woke up from.. dont know. nap? cried but only like 2 ass tears came out of my eyes.. great use of water. feel kind of normal so far. so angry, so depressed. in shock at what things have come to.

8 am sunday. dnt even feel thirsty/hungry anymore. just dry. hate this fucking world. lost everything i ever loved or cared about.

 

[msesis]

It didn't happen. Of course it wouldn't. I don't give a fuck anymore! Done. With. Trying. Been a long fucking time coming. I need to finish my SN order (it's with a shipping service rn, had no choice, international source). But idk if I care anymore. I'm fine with this. Day 4 of dehydration and I'm riding this the fuck out.

 

[msesis]

It didn't happen. Of course it wouldn't. I don't give a fuck anymore! Done. With. Trying. Been a long fucking time coming. I need to finish my SN order (it's with a shipping service rn, had no choice, international source). But idk if I care anymore. I'm fine with this. Day 4 of dehydration and I'm riding this the fuck out.

replying to my own thread to keep myself company. i still don't feel hungry or thirsty, just nauseous. water sounds so sweet right now. talked to my brother and he basically told me to fuck off and leave him alone.

my biggest worry is how i'm going to sleep tonight. i feel awful, and it's hard to do anything except lie down. oh well, i can get through this. wondering if the bad feeling will pass or just get worse with time.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

VSED is a very brave method. You're not alone, if you want to talk please don't hesitate to reach out.

 

[CatLvr]

Bless you, you have chosen a hard way to go. I would hate to see you go, but understand why you fell it's time.

Just remember -- there is NO SHAME in changing your mind, and we are all here for you. Whichever way you decide to move from here on out, I hope you find the peace you seek.

 

[deathtakeme]

I hope we can keep you company here, you are not alone.

 

[msesis]

2am monday. wobbled to the bathroom and have so little energy. going to send what is probably the last message to my brother ever again. hope he doesn't absolutely explode on me but who knows at this point.

thank you guys for keeping me company. it's nice to have something to do, even if it's just posting here

 

[maynoname]

You are truly brave, I hope you find peace

 

[rozeske]

I hope you find the peace you search for.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Such a hard way to go.. Not sure I'm impressed or depressed from reading your posts.

I'm sorry about your brother! Like others said: no shame in changing your mind. Either way you're not alone

 

[msesis]

Such a hard way to go.. Not sure I'm impressed or depressed from reading your posts.

I'm sorry about your brother! Like others said: no shame in changing your mind. Either way you're not alone

thank you. man I just don't get it sometimes.. people will say that they wish they could have done anything to save someone's life, but when it really comes down to it, they can all act so fucking mean, just because it's mental health.


10am monday - entering day 6. honestly, I don't even feel anything anymore. felt some strange chest pains waking up but nothing long or super painful. can only sleep 3 hours at a time. feel like i could go on forever. don't think about water and definitely not food anymore. the thought of food... repulses me? idk.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

thank you. man I just don't get it sometimes.. people will say that they wish they could have done anything to save someone's life, but when it really comes down to it, they can all act so fucking mean, just because it's mental health.


10am monday - entering day 6. honestly, I don't even feel anything anymore. felt some strange chest pains waking up but nothing long or super painful. can only sleep 3 hours at a time. feel like i could go on forever. don't think about water and definitely not food anymore. the thought of food... repulses me? idk.

It shouldn't be long as long as you stay off the water. That's going to be a tough one when it hits critical dehydration. Good luck to you and I hope successful and that this will be a guide for others to have not fear about this method. I know two people who also did this. But they only went by starvation they continued to drink water only. Both died but it took almost 3 months.

 

[whitefeather]

day 3 of vsed. haven't had food or drink since 10am thursday. just posting to keep myself company. im not sure how long this will go on, honestly. i decided that if something doesn't happen, i'm refusing to live. whether that happens or not we will see. in the mean time i will vsed and wait for death. opening this thread to keep a log of my symptoms, maybe will help others.

it's 8pm saturday. on the first day or so i spent most of my time sleeping. the relief of deciding to die if things don't work was so relaxing that i collapsed and slept for most of thursday and throughout the night. symptoms today are mostly extreme fatigue. legs are in a constant state of slight pain but easily ignorable. think about water all the time, lol. the temptation is pretty extreme, but i can still squash it pretty easily with willpower. can't sleep for long. vivid dreams. but i am also sleeping on the floor, so that may have something to do with it. everything is exhausting, so i cannot do anything except sit in my thoughts. very bored. every second feels like torture. but it is better than the mental pain i had while living. going to try fall asleep and will update tomorrow. all in all, pretty good experience so far, but i know it's only day 3.

VSED NEVER TAKES LONGER THAN 20 DAYS ! 10-15 DAYS IS THE AVERAGE TIME.

 

[msesis]

6pm today (Tuesday) my brother called the cops on me, fuck lol. Of course. Sectioned. For the record I didn't feel super bad when I woke from nap at 6pm. Just dry. Fatigued. Couldn't do much but lie down. I still really really don't want to consume anything but at the hospital I'm given food and I know there's no point resisting here. Mom called and said some meaningless things, wish I had the brains to reply to her the exact way I wanted but I couldn't think of the words in time. Oh well.

 

[Ashu]

6pm today (Tuesday) my brother called the cops on me, fuck lol. Of course. Sectioned. For the record I didn't feel super bad when I woke from nap at 6pm. Just dry. Fatigued. Couldn't do much but lie down. I still really really don't want to consume anything but at the hospital I'm given food and I know there's no point resisting here. Mom called and said some meaningless things, wish I had the brains to reply to her the exact way I wanted but I couldn't think of the words in time. Oh well.

So now you know you can probably do it, so you can try again later if that is your wish. You are bold.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Damn, what a shit thing to have happen. But like the above said, now you know that willpower etc is there and you can plan the other variables better. You are a brave human. VSED is kinda a poly-method for me, whatever I do will also likely involve this. Sending you many hugs.