Venting Visited family and came back with a boatload of guilt

[BetterInTheory]

I recently visited family for a few days and I was overwhelmed with thoughts of how devastated they'll be when I ctb. Especially my mother. I was constantly on the edge of tears around them and couldn't stop thinking what a piece of shit I am.
I wish when I die it would be like I never existed. No one would have any memories of me and no one would be sad.