Visited a self-help group for depression and it was really lame.

[Whistea]

I thought I'd try to visit a self-help group from some completely deluded thought, that it might help me and boy did it suck, haha.
I could make out two main issues:
1) I could not relate to anyone there. I thought I might meet likeminded people there, people who are as fucked up as me. But I did not get that feeling at all. One dude seriously wanted sympathy because he can't stop spending money. And not in a way that would seriously harm him, that would be somewhat understandable, he just makes a fuckton of money and then spends most of it on luxury goods. And I'm supposed to... feel bad for him? "Bohoo, I spend your entire monthly income on playing cards alone ". Poor you. Another guy talked about an alcohol issue and I thought to myself "Oh wow, I actually might have something in common with him." So I asked him straight up if he was an alcoholic and he said formerly, he used to drink two beers a day. And fuck me, maybe I'm too detached from reality, but two beers don't make you a problem drinker.
I probably come off as very insensitive at this point, everybody got their own issues and all that, but I did not feel anyone there was even remotely as far gone as me.
2) There was no sort of moderator/instructor who made sure everyone was able to get a word in. I don't know how it usually goes, but I assumed a session like this was a group dialogue of sorts. But after a short introduction, pretty much for 95% of the time there were just two people talking. And it didn't even feel like they were talking to the group, they talked to each other, while the rest of us were just used as background characters or decoration. If you interjected or made a comment, they acknowledged it quickly, but didn't gave you the word, they just kept talking.
I was really, really glad I got a phone call right when I had about enough, so I had an excuse to fuck off. And I was glad I drank something beforehand, otherwise I would've taken it way worse, now it's just a "Eh, whatever, I already knew it would suck."
I'm aware it was just one bad experience, maybe another day or another group would've been better yada yada, but I'm genuinely way beyond the point where I have the motivation and energy to try something a dozen times, with the 1% chance that it'll get better.
Did any of you visit a self-help group and if yes, did it help you at all? Any funky stories, you'd like to share?

 

[cowie]

I did an out of patient program for like six weeks. It was very strange because there was at least one person there who was clearly at the end of his rope but most of the other people were barely mentally ill at all. It was a lot of young women complaining about how their partners don't communicate with them enough - just seemed like basic problems everyone has. I was just coming out of closet at that point so to have a partner at all felt like such a luxury it made me feel very unempathetic towards them. I don't think most group therapy is helpful. Maybe if you all have the exact same issue like AA or binge eating. But not for like general depression.

 

[SVEN]

My own gut feeling would be that I'd sooner give our very own Recovery section a try if I was looking for folk with whom I'd relate better. Though I haven't touched alcohol for around 15 years or so I was at one point a litre of Vodka a day guy, which didn't help much with my limited finances, so I get what you're saying about Mr two beers a day.

 

[Whistea]

It was very strange because there was at least one person there who was clearly at the end of his rope but most of the other people were barely mentally ill at all. It was a lot of young women complaining about how their partners don't communicate with them enough - just seemed like basic problems everyone has. [...]it made me feel very unempathetic towards them.

That's almost exactly my experience and how I felt like as well; glad somebody can relate.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I think there are a lot of people who haven't really been genuinely depressed-and I hate to say that because I don't wanna invalidate anyone else's experiences, and I guess there are different severities of depression. I might try a support group but I don't think it's my thing for exactly these reasons-but it's good you gave it a go. Shame it sucked! It sounds like it was just really poorly organised. Like not even hardly letting you speak WTF?!

I know forums I've been on before have been like this, where I couldn't even recognise any of these people having depression-they certainly didn't talk like I did about life. But that's why this place is so helpful because all the others get censored, so there's just no real way to express how bad you're feeling. I totally get you, when other people seem to have minor depression and life issues it really makes you feel even worse, like you're SO much more messed up. I think support groups can be a good thing but I wonder if they don't want people who have too severe depression and problems there so it gets kept a bit light-hearted and "oh I had a bad week and I'm feeling a bit down" sort of thing. If you've got addiction issues a support group for them might be better?

 

[noname223]

I can relate a lot. I went to two self-help groups and most people don't seem to be similar broken as me. However I met a few people who were in a lot of pain. But they only shared that after some time. So it might be treacherous to judge people too fast. Most people are probably hesitant to open up in such groups. The same applies to me. When I feel like most other people feel better than me and I also tend to pretend life was somewhat okay. But in the self-help group I recently was several people explained life was amazing for them the last weeks.

Bro I am very happy when I have 5 good hours a day. Such a day is amazing for me. But people said their last weeks were all amazing. This is just not relatable for me. People were very surpised that my depression did not vanish just by taking antidepressants. Well many of them seemed to be pretty privileged without being aware of it. But there were a few interesting people met. In the bipolar self-help group there were more severe cases than in the college self-help group. In my bipolar self-help I had an honest talk about suicide in real life and well the guy is as suicidal as me or others on this forum. And to have such a conversation in real life can be really interesting.

 

[I Can't Say]

I did not feel anyone there was even remotely as far gone as me.

Been the worst person in the room, and the mildest person in the room. Neither is great.

There was no sort of moderator/instructor who made sure everyone was able to get a word in.

This has been a problem for every group I have been in. There's always one or two people who want to take over.

Any funky stories, you'd like to share?

Shouldn't, because confidentiality.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

Recently, I tried a self-help group for the first time in my life. Partly because of the actions of the scums from this group, I am here now. This was in August of this year. The group gathered on the russian analogue (ugly analogue) of a Japanese 2channel - 2hk.
The group was assembled from anonymous and 2 anonymous-"psychologists". I helped to op create the group.
op positioned the group as an audio self-help group on discord. Literally by the end of the month, several toxic users appeared in the group. I was bullied there. The psychologists didn't care.
I was hurt the most in that group by fem-crossdresser, and a particularly transphobic ukrainian bastard.
transphobic slurs in the group, especially from that fem-crossdresser (adjacent social group) - did their "job". In part, this pushed me to the decision to leave (ctb) faster.
But please note that, firstly, this group is collected in the russian-speaking space. And secondly, in the vastness of the worst imageboard.

Unfortunately, I realized too late what a bad place it was (about that imageboard).

 

[lionetta12]

I thought I'd try to visit a self-help group from some completely deluded thought, that it might help me and boy did it suck, haha.
I could make out two main issues:
1) I could not relate to anyone there. I thought I might meet likeminded people there, people who are as fucked up as me. But I did not get that feeling at all. One dude seriously wanted sympathy because he can't stop spending money. And not in a way that would seriously harm him, that would be somewhat understandable, he just makes a fuckton of money and then spends most of it on luxury goods. And I'm supposed to... feel bad for him? "Bohoo, I spend your entire monthly income on playing cards alone ". Poor you. Another guy talked about an alcohol issue and I thought to myself "Oh wow, I actually might have something in common with him." So I asked him straight up if he was an alcoholic and he said formerly, he used to drink two beers a day. And fuck me, maybe I'm too detached from reality, but two beers don't make you a problem drinker.
I probably come off as very insensitive at this point, everybody got their own issues and all that, but I did not feel anyone there was even remotely as far gone as me.
2) There was no sort of moderator/instructor who made sure everyone was able to get a word in. I don't know how it usually goes, but I assumed a session like this was a group dialogue of sorts. But after a short introduction, pretty much for 95% of the time there were just two people talking. And it didn't even feel like they were talking to the group, they talked to each other, while the rest of us were just used as background characters or decoration. If you interjected or made a comment, they acknowledged it quickly, but didn't gave you the word, they just kept talking.
I was really, really glad I got a phone call right when I had about enough, so I had an excuse to fuck off. And I was glad I drank something beforehand, otherwise I would've taken it way worse, now it's just a "Eh, whatever, I already knew it would suck."
I'm aware it was just one bad experience, maybe another day or another group would've been better yada yada, but I'm genuinely way beyond the point where I have the motivation and energy to try something a dozen times, with the 1% chance that it'll get better.
Did any of you visit a self-help group and if yes, did it help you at all? Any funky stories, you'd like to share?

Kinda weird that there was no «moderator» present. I've been against «group therapy» and «self help groups» because I don't personally see that it helps most people, especially not people who are suffering from severe depression and from trauma. I feel like these groups can be ok for those who've you've described from this group, those who might have lighter issues.

The main problem for me is that people don't really get in depth 1 on 1 help in such a group setting like that and to delve into serious trauma and the topic of suicidality isn't easy in a big group setting, especially infront of strangers who talk about «issues» that aren't comparable to suicidality and severe trauma.

 

[CPY]

I've also been trying group therapy for quite some time but for now it's just an expensive venting place.I especially relate to the feeling of Always being the worst one in the group.I believe this kind of therapies work by inducing a kind of "if x has done it so can I" mentality of going through struggles together but It doesn't work if i cant find any common ground with those people.Most of these people havent really nothing wrong with them, it seems like they are just there to boast about their amazing life to actually mentally ill people.I at least get to call them what they are to their face just folks who have it good lol

 

[reallysleepy]

I went to one that is like a recovery group for people that were in a mental hospital, I don't know the name in English but you live in your house and you go there everyday day to do activities and one of them is group therapy (with a psychologist). I'm also in a DBT group.

In both spaces I had an interview first were I explained my situation and in both spaces they told me not to talk about suicide, addiction (I'm not an alcoholic but I drink enough so that normal people are concern about it) or hard subjects like that because it can be triggering and it's like ¿? ¿? ¿? I think about ctbeing 24/7 and drinking is the only moment I feel actually better. So in both spaces I remained silent while people with milded issues talked. I reckon I wasn't the only broken person in those spaces but we couldn't talk about it in order to... salvage the people that were better? Ok, we'll remain broken and don't connect between each other then

The dbt group is good tho, they teach us dbt abilities to be more effective in life, but the part were we talk about our issues is a drag

 

[ohyouknow]

and he said formerly, he used to drink two beers a day

Just laughed when I read that.

Yeah, there is a big difference between someone who is mildly depressed and someone who is serious about ctb. It causes problems with therapy, I think, because I think a lot of therapists see A LOT of people who are mildly depressed and it makes them think that everyone is in that category. When someone comes in talking about ctb, they think "Oh, this person is mildly depressed, like so many of my other clients. They're fine." It makes them underestimate the amount of pain a more severely depressed person is in. BUT not just therapists. People who are mildly depressed can accurately say that they have experienced depression, but they don't realize that what they've experienced is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm glad that mildly depressed people are aware of their mental health and are getting help. But the abundance of mildly depressed people, imo, makes it more difficult for people to recognize severe depression.

 

[noname223]

I can relate a lot. I went to two self-help groups and most people don't seem to be similar broken as me. However I met a few people who were in a lot of pain. But they only shared that after some time. So it might be treacherous to judge people too fast. Most people are probably hesitant to open up in such groups. The same applies to me. When I feel like most other people feel better than me and I also tend to pretend life was somewhat okay. But in the self-help group I recently was several people explained life was amazing for them the last weeks.

Bro I am very happy when I have 5 good hours a day. Such a day is amazing for me. But people said their last weeks were all amazing. This is just not relatable for me. People were very surpised that my depression did not vanish just by taking antidepressants. Well many of them seemed to be pretty privileged without being aware of it. But there were a few interesting people met. In the bipolar self-help group there were more severe cases than in the college self-help group. In my bipolar self-help I had an honest talk about suicide in real life and well the guy is as suicidal as me or others on this forum. And to have such a conversation in real life can be really interesting.

I have to give an update. At the third meeting I was alone with the person I suspected the most to be a wreck. And we had a pretty good conversation. I wrote about this incident in off-topic some days ago. He is also suicidal and we joked together but I shared a little bit too much. He has way less method knowledge than me.

 

[reallysleepy]

Just laughed when I read that.

Yeah, there is a big difference between someone who is mildly depressed and someone who is serious about ctb. It causes problems with therapy, I think, because I think a lot of therapists see A LOT of people who are mildly depressed and it makes them think that everyone is in that category. When someone comes in talking about ctb, they think "Oh, this person is mildly depressed, like so many of my other clients. They're fine." It makes them underestimate the amount of pain a more severely depressed person is in. BUT not just therapists. People who are mildly depressed can accurately say that they have experienced depression, but they don't realize that what they've experienced is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm glad that mildly depressed people are aware of their mental health and are getting help. But the abundance of mildly depressed people, imo, makes it more difficult for people to recognize severe depression.

This happened with my therapist. I was like "I am thinking about ctb often" and she wasn't worried and then I tried to ctb and she was " didn't see that coming"

 

[DyingToDie123]

Support groups are hit or miss for me. Sometimes it's nice to get stuff off your chest, but usually online groups are so big that you don't get much air time and not everything people have to say is relatable, so it can get boring.

The lack of a moderator seems bad and surprising though.

 

[godsseepiestsoldier]

Been to quite a few support groups for quite a few different things bc Ive always wanted to meet people like me but havent rlly. A lot of them suck and usually for different reasons but most of them suck for the 1st reason you mentioned i get ppl have there problems but usually theyre quite tame. Sometimes you come across some more relatble ones but still not rlly that relatable. Also self help groups tend to be a bit judgy imo but idk

 

[wait.what]

I haven't had much luck with participant-led self-help groups. It's been a long time since I got much out of a professional-led one. It seems like people are discouraged from talking about their issues at any depth now. Mostly you get the leader reading you a handout about mindfulness, and then everyone says what a good idea mindfulness is, and then you all go home. Wheee.