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Abandoned Character
(he./him)
- Mar 24, 2023
- 247
Content warning: sex, obviously
25 years on this earth, I am what most would consider a virgin. I consider myself fortunate to not be deeply bothered by that fact. A good friend of mine once told me "I do not see you as a virgin," which has piqued my brain down the valley of virginity as a social construction ever since. You see, he said this because he knows of my sexual past and that I am not without some intensely intimate experiences. Even still, I have yet to have penetrative sex (or even oral/anal for that matter).
So I ask you, what makes a virgin? The common answer is for men is "have penetrative sex," but what does that mean exactly? Do I have to be hard? Can I do one pump in and out and then call it a done deal and declare myself a non-virgin? Is completion necessary to officially "lose" virginity? What if, upon entering but a millimeter into a woman (or man or nonbinary) I immediately cum. Am I no longer a virgin then? Kind of a lame way to go, but would that count? What if the last time you had sex was 5, 10, 15 years ago after some trauma? You may experience all the same symptoms of a "virgin" while not fitting the societal definition of the term. Dont you see? It's all made up!
If you are a self-identified virgin and your lack of experience causes you grief, I encourage you to ponder these questions. Virginity is a spectrum and the commonly understood definition is not a rigid label that you are obligated to agree with. Exploring one's sexuality can be a lifelong journey if you let it.
For clarity, I am not asexual, although lately I have been meditating on my sexuality as partially asexual, in the sense that something like kissing is a lot easier for me to engage in than genital stimulation. The latter is very scary, and while I do masturbate very frequently, the idea of sharing myself with another person that way is extremely terrifying. I am working on my ability to communicate that fear to properly be able to explore it. I imagine this topic is hard to navigate for many people, and so I share my thoughts here. In a forum as accepting as this one, I see no better place to dump these thoughts. Thanks for listening. Cheers.
25 years on this earth, I am what most would consider a virgin. I consider myself fortunate to not be deeply bothered by that fact. A good friend of mine once told me "I do not see you as a virgin," which has piqued my brain down the valley of virginity as a social construction ever since. You see, he said this because he knows of my sexual past and that I am not without some intensely intimate experiences. Even still, I have yet to have penetrative sex (or even oral/anal for that matter).
So I ask you, what makes a virgin? The common answer is for men is "have penetrative sex," but what does that mean exactly? Do I have to be hard? Can I do one pump in and out and then call it a done deal and declare myself a non-virgin? Is completion necessary to officially "lose" virginity? What if, upon entering but a millimeter into a woman (or man or nonbinary) I immediately cum. Am I no longer a virgin then? Kind of a lame way to go, but would that count? What if the last time you had sex was 5, 10, 15 years ago after some trauma? You may experience all the same symptoms of a "virgin" while not fitting the societal definition of the term. Dont you see? It's all made up!
If you are a self-identified virgin and your lack of experience causes you grief, I encourage you to ponder these questions. Virginity is a spectrum and the commonly understood definition is not a rigid label that you are obligated to agree with. Exploring one's sexuality can be a lifelong journey if you let it.
For clarity, I am not asexual, although lately I have been meditating on my sexuality as partially asexual, in the sense that something like kissing is a lot easier for me to engage in than genital stimulation. The latter is very scary, and while I do masturbate very frequently, the idea of sharing myself with another person that way is extremely terrifying. I am working on my ability to communicate that fear to properly be able to explore it. I imagine this topic is hard to navigate for many people, and so I share my thoughts here. In a forum as accepting as this one, I see no better place to dump these thoughts. Thanks for listening. Cheers.
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