"Victims become abusers" myth (Tw: CSA mention)

[NormallyNeurotic]

Just stumbled upon a conversation elsewhere where people were discussing abusers being former victims. That is a fact that can happen, that can be part of the "nurture" that leads to abuse.

But these people kept saying it was SUPER common. "It's crazy how common it is!" Worse, this was about CSA. As a CSA victim myself, I wish those people would get their internet privileges revoked.

It is something that happens. Perhaps more than 50%, but since many child predators are not caught (and can lie about prior abuse to bond with a victim), we cannot know for sure. But to say that "it is VERY common" is exactly why CSA victims end up on this site looking for ways to kill themselves.

We are told that it's so extremely common for us to hurt others, so we get boxed in. Either suffer with life or become an abuser. Ending it instead seems better to many.

I hate how people just see infamous predators (often celebrities) and assume that since high profile abusers fit this stereotype, this must be the norm! Fuck that.

You want to know why the high profile ones became that way? Because so many of the low-profile ones fucking died. A fucked up version of survivorship bias.

 

[JassieDusk]

There's no excuse for assault. I've been a victim of assault three times, one time it was my own father. Only once did I get justice.
Due to the trauma I was left with I honestly couldn't care less it they were victims themselves, why would I have to pay with my body for the trauma they had maybe gone through?
I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy, let alone make someone innocent pay for the damage that was caused to me.
Those people are straight up evil, and just because it happens doesn't mean it's "super common".
The leading factor of sexual abuse isn't previous sexual abuse, it's pure evil and selfishness

 

[Deepdense]

When I was in fifth grade, I was raped in the school bathroom by two girls. I haven't done anything of the sort to anyone. It probably has something to do with the impressionable mind of a child. I don't think it's as common as people think because if there's anyone who understands sexual trauma, it would be victims.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I've also been a victim of assault as a child, I'm never going to become an abuser.

I hate that this is what people think of us. It also sucks when I see examples of it online. It triggers me badly.

I've also seen a couple of days ago something that messed me up pretty badly mentally and it also has to do with the subject at hand. NSFW TW:CSA, rape.

You need to react to this post in order to see this content.

 

[Deepdense]

I've also been a victim of assault as a child, I'm never going to become an abuser.

I hate that this is what people think of us. It also sucks when I see examples of it online. It triggers me badly.

I've also seen a couple of days ago something that messed me up pretty badly mentally and it also has to do with the subject at hand. NSFW TW:CSA, rape.

[Hidden content]

I'm sorry you had to see all that.

 

[nintendo64]

People would rather make assumptions that CSA victims more commonly become predators, when I feel like it's more common for some of us to just become asexual instead. I've been SA'd many times as a child and adult and I can't even imagine going through that and still wanting to hurt others the same way you were. I would never want to do something so horrible to another person, let alone a child the thought is just utterly sickening. I have absolutely 0 interest in anything sexual at all anymore after everything.

 

[Deepdense]

People would rather make assumptions that CSA victims more commonly become predators, when I feel like it's more common for some of us to just become asexual instead. I've been SA'd many times as a child and adult and I can't even imagine going through that and still wanting to hurt others the same way you were. I would never want to do something so horrible to another person, let alone a child the thought is just utterly sickening. I have absolutely 0 interest in anything sexual at all anymore after everything.

I know some people develop a hyper-sexuality. I assume some never learn it's wrong so they believe it's okay to act the same way. I'm not entirely sure how it works because I don't get any sexual attraction anymore.

 

[Ilovemyteddies]

I think that it's very uncommon, although it does happen rarely for whatever evil reason, but why paint all victims as ticking time bombs? It's just another example of people being fucking stupid and ignorant.

 

[Lost Impact]

I've never wanted to hurt someone the way I was. Sure, there can be cycles of abuse, but you can be the one to break the cycle. Some people just like the power it gives them if anything.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I know some people develop a hyper-sexuality. I assume some never learn it's wrong so they believe it's okay to act the same way. I'm not entirely sure how it works because I don't get any sexual attraction anymore.

That's another issue though. They assume that hypersexual people are more likely to become abusers too. I honestly think it can often be more common for kids to develop hypersexuality than asexuality, honestly, but that's just my theory. They're often misidentified since a lot of hypersexuals present as sex-repulsed outwardly but have things like porn addictions in their personal life.

 

[Dejected 55]

It definitely depends on the person and how you react. Many (not all) of the school-shooter kids have been teased or bullied or otherwise made to feel "less than" and they feel like no one is going to help them and they try to take out their bullies and adults who ignored their pleas for help and ultimately hope to take out themselves in the end. It happens.

There are kids who are bullied who grow up to become adults who bully. Maybe they don't beat people the way they were beaten... but maybe they become wealthy and use their money to get power and use their power to take things away from others that remind them of the kinds of people who used to bully them.

We have a lot of conversations on here about revenge, and a lot of people want revenge... and sometimes it manifests only for their abusers... but over time, some people manifest that revenge anger and point it towards anyone that reminds them. This is how we get incels that hate and want to punish women and how we get women who hate all men... because it's hard not to associate people who seem similar to your abuser with your abuser... You hear from people all the time who will see someone who just "looks mean" or "looks like he would be a narcissist" or "looks like he abuses people" and whether he does or not, people think he looks like past people they've known to do those things.

There are also people who are bullied but then something changes or they move to a new place and suddenly they are not in the marginalized group and then they start bullying themselves because they don't want to ever be on the bottom again... so they seize the chance to be the bully to "protect" themselves.

But... in a lot (maybe most) cases people who were abused tend to be more aware of this and try to never do it themselves.

I was bullied through middle school and into early high school. People who always talk about me, nobody wanted to be near me unless it was to insult me or spit at me or hit me. I would be hit by random people in the halls at school. I had no friends except sometimes someone else was also being bullied and we would bond over that, but neither of us had much in common except being a target so those friendships didn't tend to last. Someone started a rumor when I was a kid that I was gay... and boys would always want to fight me and girls wanted nothing to do with me, which was weird because I always thought if girls thought I was gay they should have trusted me more than the other boys... but I think the girls knew I wasn't gay but they had to play along if they wanted any of the boys to like them.

Anyway, so I got a lot of the treatment that a gay child would have gotten in terms of being ostracized and made fun of and beaten up... but I couldn't even seek comradery in the gay community. Firstly I didn't know any gay people back then around where I was, but also because I wasn't actually gay. BUT it did probably make me more sensitive to the plight of others... and my hackles go up immediately when I see gay and transgender people being harassed or oppressed or marginalized... because I know what that feels like because I got that treatment even though I wasn't one of them. I'd like to think I'd have been sensitive to their issues anyway, but I can't deny that being bullied for years surely shaped how I saw the world.