Venting Victimizing myself, a pathetic low

[Sylveon]

As pathetic as it sounds, I really want people to pity me without ever mentioning it. I fantasise about others somehow finding my self-harm scars (even though it's pretty much impossible) and noticing my weight loss just so that they can pity me from afar.

And it's not just about the people. I sometimes go deeper while cutting or start eating less or skip meals entirely just so that I can feel more like the "victim" and pity myself even more, which is really pathetic because my life isn't inherently bad; my only problem in life is me myself, but it just feels so comfy being like this.

Not to mention, people are just so much nicer to you when there's something "wrong" with you or that has happened to you, but of course, people around me know nothing about what goes inside my head, so I just keep spiralling further and further in the hope that someone will eventually notice, even though it's pretty much impossible and there's no guarantee that I'll get the "reaction" I want.

I posted about it a few months ago, but I got laughed at the one (second, if I am being precise) time someone did see my self-harm scars, yet my mindset remained the same for some reason because, as I said, it just feels so good to be this way, as pathetic as that sounds.

This isn't inherently related to suicide or anything like that, but it's something I've wanted to get off my chest for a while now.

 

[itstoomuch]

I understand how you feel. It's not pathetic, and doesn't make you a bad person in any way. As I see it, you are just craving kindness from people in a world where that just doesn't happen much anymore. In my experience, it's easier to be a victim and give up on the world than to try to turn your life around and face failure over and over again. And other people's pity, even from afar, reinforces that.
I hope people notice my self harming and weight loss, not for pity, but because I'm screaming for help on the inside and nobody can hear me. I'm in a hospital where I receive no kindness, I just get mocked and blamed for choosing this life for myself. I get avoided, left alone for days at a time, and treated in a really cruel, cold way.
You are just looking to fill a hole in your life that is already there. You are not pathetic, it is just a part of your struggles. Hope this helps.

 

[SnakesButNoLadder]

Not pathetic, at all

most people want attention, you were honest about your intentions and how far youll go. if i learnt one thing in life, you shouldnt fault people for being honest.

i think there are more people like you on the forum. i dont know why but a lot of people on this forum give me the "kid who wants to be depressed" vibe. too many people remind me of this middle class kid at my old school who faked his mum being dead and cut the wrong side of his wrist for sympathy. difference between them and you, sylveon, is that you've been honest bout it

you have problems, sure. i think this is a real condition and i hope you get help for it

i think my mum has this, she is always fishing for attention. to problematic extremes

thanks for being honest sylveon, i hope you get to the bottom of why you do it

 

[Sylveon]

I hope people notice my self harming and weight loss, not for pity, but because I'm screaming for help on the inside and nobody can hear me. I'm in a hospital where I receive no kindness, I just get mocked and blamed for choosing this life for myself. I get avoided, left alone for days at a time, and treated in a really cruel, cold way.

I can't imagine being in such terrible circumstances :(. I don't understand why things have to be the way they are, but I really hope you get the kindness and help that you deserve. <3

Not pathetic, at all

most people want attention, you were honest about your intentions and how far youll go. if i learnt one thing in life, you shouldnt fault people for being honest.

i think there are more people like you on the forum. i dont know why but a lot of people on this forum give me the "kid who wants to be depressed" vibe. too many people remind me of this middle class kid at my old school who faked his mum being dead and cut the wrong side of his wrist for sympathy. difference between them and you, sylveon, is that you've been honest bout it

you have problems, sure. i think this is a real condition and i hope you get help for it

i think my mum has this, she is always fishing for attention. to problematic extremes

thanks for being honest sylveon, i hope you get to the bottom of why you do it

I sometimes feel like that kid too, lol, but the thing is that I really don't want people's attention; I just want them to know what goes inside my head (or on my body) and see me as the "victim" without ever mentioning it. It's a weird and, honestly, a really low (since I've used the word pathetic plenty of times already) limbo to be stuck in. I can't even think of any terrible analogies to explain this; it is just what it is.