Venting

[Hurtstomuch.]

I'd really just like to die now. It shouldn't be difficult to die. My life just seems to get progressively worse despite my efforts to make it better.

I'm exhausted, mentally and physically drained. Sn in the UK seems to be non existent now, I wish I had purchased it 3 years ago when I first joined this site but instead decided to attempt hanging. That was unsuccessful and landed me straight in the hospital and then psych ward.

I'm really just venting now tbh because I'm sick off these thoughts. I can't speak to anybody about it for obvious reasons, so now I just have to sit with the thoughts of desperately wanting to be in peace. Like I have been for the past 5 years.

If anybody wants to talk please pm me. I could really do with a friend right now seeing as I can't just fucking die

 

[OrphicEnd]

Yes, all chemicals are becoming more and more difficult to access.
I'm sorry that you had to go through this, do you suffer any after-effects that still remain today?

There are some problems with the forum which prevents private messages (of what I know) at the moment, but if you wish, we can still talk here.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so horrible and beyond cruel how we cannot just choose to cease existing in peace whenever we wish to, I hate this anti-suicide society where suicide is purposely made so difficult. But anyway I wish you the best, I get that it's so dreadful feeling trapped here when you just wish to be gone.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. Instead of the PM you can use "Start Conversation" which is also kinda PM but messages are sent via that letter icon.

It's really hard thatit is not possible to talk freely about ctb thoughts and such stuff with people irl especially with friends and family and the risk of being sent to a psych ward which doesn't help at all to solve the issues.

 

[Hurtstomuch.]

They really are. My biggest fear is that I will find sn and have the dreaded welfare check.
Luckily I did not have any after effects, just very sore afterwards for a little while. I can't really remember it well. Everyone knew I was in a really bad place at the time and I'd sent my dad a love you text and someone had figured out what I'd been up to as they turned up at my house and "saved" me lol.

I really just want this over with now

I hope you're ok as can be! And thank you X

Yes, all chemicals are becoming more and more difficult to access.
I'm sorry that you had to go through this, do you suffer any after-effects that still remain today?

There are some problems with the forum which prevents private messages (of what I know) at the moment, but if you wish, we can still talk here.

 

[OrphicEnd]

Luckily I did not have any after effects, just very sore afterwards for a little while. I can't really remember it well. Everyone knew I was in a really bad place at the time and I'd sent my dad a love you text and someone had figured out what I'd been up to as they turned up at my house and "saved" me lol.

It must have been a horrible time, the so-called aids which consist of repeating the same things and giving drugs which often only make things worse...

I really just want this over with now

Do you have any plan or are you waiting for an opportunity ?

 

[3ndl3ss-v0id]

I'd really just like to die now. It shouldn't be difficult to die. My life just seems to get progressively worse despite my efforts to make it better.

I'm exhausted, mentally and physically drained. Sn in the UK seems to be non existent now, I wish I had purchased it 3 years ago when I first joined this site but instead decided to attempt hanging. That was unsuccessful and landed me straight in the hospital and then psych ward.

I'm really just venting now tbh because I'm sick off these thoughts. I can't speak to anybody about it for obvious reasons, so now I just have to sit with the thoughts of desperately wanting to be in peace. Like I have been for the past 5 years.

If anybody wants to talk please pm me. I could really do with a friend right now seeing as I can't just fucking die

I feel you. I get sad too often and it makes me physically sick. I get so sad I can't even talk. I get cold and weak and I can't go to the bathroom. I get so tired I'm dizzy and nod off in places where I shouldn't. I don't want to go out and when I do I just feel uncomfortable. It's not I want to die, but I wouldn't mind if I did. I have no desire on being alive. I don't hate feeling like this because I feel like it's the only real thing I've ever felt in my entire life, and to feel that discomfort I must first know how does it feel not to feel like this.

I sometimes want to die, but not because I want to stop living this life but because I'm not committed to it. I don't care about anything. I do enjoy it sometimes, but not enough to stick around for so long.

I wish I could pm you but I know I won't be able to keep up a conversation. Despite that, if you ever need to talk to someone you can always vent in my pm. I'm not sure I'll reply, but I'll definitely read what you have to say.

 

[venin.n]

I'd really just like to die now. It shouldn't be difficult to die. My life just seems to get progressively worse despite my efforts to make it better.

I'm exhausted, mentally and physically drained. Sn in the UK seems to be non existent now, I wish I had purchased it 3 years ago when I first joined this site but instead decided to attempt hanging. That was unsuccessful and landed me straight in the hospital and then psych ward.

I'm really just venting now tbh because I'm sick off these thoughts. I can't speak to anybody about it for obvious reasons, so now I just have to sit with the thoughts of desperately wanting to be in peace. Like I have been for the past 5 years.

If anybody wants to talk please pm me. I could really do with a friend right

Join the SS Discord Server!

Check out the SS community on Discord - hang out with 28 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.

discord.gg

You can join if you want. A lot of us in the same situation.

Or you can pm me if you want.

You are not alone

 

[voyager]

Ah, yes, the UK, always amongst everyone's favourite reasons to ctb. EU ain't much better though.

Anyway, feel you on "welfare" checks. Had one and it was so nasty that I held off with planning/organising to kill myself for a while. Mission accomplished? If debilitating trauma was the goal and being afraid of knocks on the door, then yea, amazing. Welfare checks are nothing more than intimidation in my opinion and the state taunting one. Maybe one gets lucky with the officers, but still the state has no right showing up there in the first place. Absolutely despise this society.

Feel you too of course on not having a comfortable method. SN does indeed seem almost impossible to get in the UK, especially now with new legislation. Have you considered some other means? There's quite a few painless ones which they'll never be able to restrict, not even in the UK.