[Venting] Not having a partner makes me sad about the future

[Suicidebydeath]

There. I said it. I wish I had a partner. The future just looks bleak without one, mainly because I had partners in the past and I miss everything about that. Hell, I don't even have a gaming partner anymore, I'm super lonely, and since my best friend died I don't really talk to anyone that much. Feel free to add your vent to mine about the same thing, just nobody tell me that I don't need a partner to be happy. That's so triggering.

Idk why this is in recovery. It's not really a recovery post, it's more of the opposite. I bet some people would recover if they found a partner though.

I think with C/PTSD it's just impossible now. I don't even like myself. With C/PTSD it's too hard/exhausting to live without a partner and it's too hard/exhausting to find someone with C/PTSD. Vicious circle, end me now.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

It's okay to vent about that, I know how you feel. I would like to spin this on a more positive note, not that I know if it would make you feel better or not, but I think I saw you make a thread in the recovery forum about wanting to make a recovery friend. I don't really think that's what you mean by partner specifically but it at least makes me happy that you are trying your damn hardest! I hope you are able to find both a partner and a recovery friend soon, and even a gaming buddy. If you ever need more people to talk to, I certainly can. And a lot of people on this forum can too. I'm wishing you the best of luck.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm trying, but I don't have a choice. It's try or die, or live miserably. That's why I might just end up taking N at the first available opportunity. I can understand why Zoe(not their name on here and not anyone who said their name on here) killed herself, because it's just too damn hard to live with PTSD.

 

[Zegers]

Health problems make everything so complicated and when you dont like yourself... well, so hard.

 

[sadstuffie]

i understand what you're saying, i feel very similar feelings a lot of the time. there's nothing wrong with wanting a partner or even just companionship.

 

[ever so lonely]

well if it's any consolation if anybody wants to date me i am here, tho i snore like you wouldn't believe and pick my nose on occasion, and bite my nails often, oh and also have an annoying habit of talking to myself, but hey i am a good listener at least , jokes aside i can understand your frustration man, i cant find anything besides a casual fling, i blame dating apps, they have made it so easy and convenient, now nobody is loyal these days, it is shitty times to live in for sure, i feel your pain man, fingers crossed for the future that you find a soulmate and some friends, peace out and take care, may each of us find our peace

 

[JamesUK]

I'm depressed because I've never had a partner. Like zero romantic experience for the whole of eternity. I really feel as if I've failed at the most important part of life and missed out.

Of course, having a partner won't solve even half my problems, but I think it really would help and make a difference.

 

[Regen]

I can understand that very well. I've only had one partner in my life, but it was a horrible and abusive relationship. I miss it so much. I feel very alone. I am really infinitely glad to be out of that hell with him! But I wish for a loving partnership. When you have psychological problems and traumatic experiences it is so hard to find and endure a partnership. I don't see myself in a position to do that at the moment. Sometimes I think there are people out there with whom it would fit, but you don't find them just like that, that's sad.

 

[leeloosnow]

There. I said it. I wish I had a partner. The future just looks bleak without one, mainly because I had partners in the past and I miss everything about that. Hell, I don't even have a gaming partner anymore, I'm super lonely, and since my best friend died I don't really talk to anyone that much. Feel free to add your vent to mine about the same thing, just nobody tell me that I don't need a partner to be happy. That's so triggering.

Idk why this is in recovery. It's not really a recovery post, it's more of the opposite. I bet some people would recover if they found a partner though.

I think with C/PTSD it's just impossible now. I don't even like myself. With C/PTSD it's too hard/exhausting to live without a partner and it's too hard/exhausting to find someone with C/PTSD. Vicious circle, end me now.

altho i have many other reasons for ctb the inability to form healthy emotionally intimate relationships is one. not for physical reasons, totally not interested there but it is a cycle of getting screwed around and having had a little more meat picked off my bones each time. it got worse and worse. time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses, it merely marches forward. nothing left. still play mmos rarely. nothings interesting enough, nothing within my reach, for a long cruel time.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I understand this. Considering how social humans are, the whole "live for yourself" is bullshit. I don't think everyone can, and I certainly can't. Relationships are complex for me.

I don't have any friends left because it's either shallow, they ditched, or it's too draining for me to keep up. I feel bad about the latter, but I so rarely connect with anyone for real and it's isolating. I'm tired of trying because I hate feeling like I'm cutting them off when it doesn't work. It's not personal. But it gives me so much guilt and anxiety.

 

[ever so lonely]

i just live for me nowadays, i been burned way too many times and betrayed in relationships to give two fucks what people think for the most part, they aint paying my bills, fuck em, i have a little dog my bestie, more loyal than ya average human, to me people are self serving, disloyal, untrustworthy, and will shit on you with impunity if you allow em to, so i dont, modern day recluse by most standards, ever since covid, that includes out of work, seriously guys dont fret over what people think of you, it truly isnt worth it, it is a fools errand, concentrate on what YOU think of you, because at the end of everything, and when all is said and done the people who shit on you often dont care for you, just a fact of life, a cruel quirk of fate, so just do you, as you are unique, i tell people this to whoever will listen, there is nobody on this planet quite like you, people in general are truly a colossal dissapointment, here tho people seem so nice, for the most part, but this is an exception i find, if i never work or date again, i wont be much fussed, like you reach a point of simply not caring, nor do you wish to conform to societies standards, so just do you, or try at least, people who put you down or make you feel inferior, often that stems from a lack of frustration in there own lives, maybe they are miserable in themselves, hence the need to bring others down with them.

 

[whatevs]

I'm depressed because I've never had a partner. Like zero romantic experience for the whole of eternity. I really feel as if I've failed at the most important part of life and missed out.

Of course, having a partner won't solve even half my problems, but I think it really would help and make a difference.

Yep, it would help. Let's not be dishonest about this.

 

[achromatic]

I feel silly but the fact that Im 20 and have never been in relationship, never even had a hook up makes me terribly sad. I also don't have any friends. I dunno I just spend my days like a hermit and never been able to break from it. I feel like Im somehow defective, unlovable and unfuckable.
Im fine by myself but not having opportunities or any experience sucks and I'll probably die without any
Oh and lol sorry for venting on your vent

 

[JamesUK]

I feel silly but the fact that Im 20 and have never been in relationship, never even had a hook up makes me terribly sad. I also don't have any friends. I dunno I just spend my days like a hermit and never been able to break from it.

I don't think a hook up would be so special, sure it meant you were desirable for a moment, but it must be far better to be genuinely loved.

It's not important to have lots of friends either IMO. Im guessing that some of very sociable people mainly have acquaintances rather than great friends, it's almost impossible to make a connect and maintain a real friendship with more than a handful of people . I'd much rather have one partner and one genuine close friend than being "popular"

Anyway, I'm over 40 so you've still got time at least. You're still maturing up until the age of 25 so there's definitely hope for you.

 

[ConstantBattle]

There. I said it. I wish I had a partner. The future just looks bleak without one, mainly because I had partners in the past and I miss everything about that. Hell, I don't even have a gaming partner anymore, I'm super lonely, and since my best friend died I don't really talk to anyone that much. Feel free to add your vent to mine about the same thing, just nobody tell me that I don't need a partner to be happy. That's so triggering.

Idk why this is in recovery. It's not really a recovery post, it's more of the opposite. I bet some people would recover if they found a partner though.

I think with C/PTSD it's just impossible now. I don't even like myself. With C/PTSD it's too hard/exhausting to live without a partner and it's too hard/exhausting to find someone with C/PTSD. Vicious circle, end me now.

I can relate in a way, never been in a relationship of any kind in my 35 years on this planet but I really wish to experience this, even if the experience ends up being negative, atleast it will be an experience. I also miss my gaming buddies, we used to game a lot and those are still my fondest memories, unfortunately we all grew up and no longer have the time to game together, they now have relationships and are building their lives, me, I'm quite a bit behind but I have not given up yet. Although I have become very accustomed to being alone, since I spent the majority of my teenage years in self isolation due to deep depression and anxiety, being among people again has brought the want for someone in my life back to the surface.

In a way I now better understand what they mean when they say "you need to love yourself before you can love someone else"

I'm sure you have gotten plenty of offers for someone to talk to, but I will offer this aswell, and this offer is also for anyone else reading this. I like to be sincere, honest and direct, I do not like to be intrusive so if you don't reply to my message, I wont spam you with more of them, I will patiently wait for you to reply if and when you feel to do so. If anyone needs someone to talk to feel free to contact me, if you feel we don't get along or our conversations aren't meaningful, you can tell me directly, I wont be hurt and I'll understand. I'm always willing to establish new friendships or just the occasional chats.

 

[Acerakis]

I think this is a grass is greener situation. Been in one relationship that lasted half a year of feeling like I was constantly accomidating their needs. As soon as I was struggling I was dropped. I would say working on yourself is what matters, but frankly that is bullshit to. If you are depressed you are fucked. No actual cure, just plasters at best.

 

[JamesUK]

I think this is a grass is greener situation. Been in one relationship that lasted half a year of feeling like I was constantly accomidating their needs. As soon as I was struggling I was dropped. I would say working on yourself is what matters, but frankly that is bullshit to.

Except relationshipless people are "dropped" all the time when they are constantly rejected.

It's not nice that your relationship didn't work out, but you were still least loved and in love once, even if it wasn't for nearly as long as we'd hope.

 

[worst.therapist]

same, after my last relationship where i was trying to build stuff for us ended, i kinda had no dreams after

i do know entering a new relationship would made me feel better and less depressed and search for new things/healthy

but at this point i rather die than being happy cause of others... trying to do it full for myself or not worthy anymore

 

[makethepainstop]

There. I said it. I wish I had a partner. The future just looks bleak without one, mainly because I had partners in the past and I miss everything about that. Hell, I don't even have a gaming partner anymore, I'm super lonely, and since my best friend died I don't really talk to anyone that much. Feel free to add your vent to mine about the same thing, just nobody tell me that I don't need a partner to be happy. That's so triggering.

Idk why this is in recovery. It's not really a recovery post, it's more of the opposite. I bet some people would recover if they found a partner though.

I think with C/PTSD it's just impossible now. I don't even like myself. With C/PTSD it's too hard/exhausting to live without a partner and it's too hard/exhausting to find someone with C/PTSD. Vicious circle, end me now.

Even the hardest life is easier with someone to share it.

 

[Mr2005]

If that's you then I see no reason you won't have a slew of offers already

 

[WhatPowerIs]

If that's you then I see no reason you won't have a slew of offers already

It isn't, at least im pretty sure it isn't

 

[JamesUK]

Does anyone have any tips for how to find a partner? I've never even come close to finding someone, it just seems impossible.

 

[TriedAndLost]

Not having a partner is making me not only sad aboht the future, but also now :(. I know what its like, I guess. Im just feel so lonely, even if I have people around me. Probably becasue I am not able to share my depressed side since its taboo. Having a partner with whom you can share your pain with is really what I would make me feel better and maybe even recover, like you said. Though, I dont think I want to desperately go look for someone.

 

[ConstantBattle]

Does anyone have any tips for how to find a partner? I've never even come close to finding someone, it just seems impossible.

Though I personally have little experience with this so far and i'll probably look like an ass or naive but here are my thoughts regarding this and what i am presonally trying to stick to.

Be yourself, but first you need to figure out who you are. For instance, before i knew who i was, i constantly adapted to the group or person i was talking to or hanging out with. Now that i know who i am, i no longer adapt to others and we don't always agree on everything or see things the same way, but that is how it's supposed to be, we are all induviduals, but by being yourself you will eventualy find or meet like minded people and that will increase your chances of meeting your future partner.
The important thing is to always be who you are, you don't wan't someone liking you for being someone you're not because eventually your true self will show and things will fall apart.

Got any hobbies? try and go to events or meetings that correspond with what you like to do, there's always a chance you'll make new friendships there and that can sometimes lead to something more. (personally still got to put this into action myself)

Like learning new things? Night school or something similar can also help you make new friendships, i think you can never meet or know too many people. (hoping to put this into action next year, would love to learn the Italian language)

Regarding online dating sites... I have some experience with this and it mostly feels like throwing away money, in all honesty there is almost always a 30 to 1 ratio of men to women and women tend to get flooded with private messages and you'll most likely than not, be overlooked, unless you're super attractive and possibly rich.
I had the opportunity to have a sincere talk with one woman on a dating site who was willing to share this information.
Personally i think you still have way better chances of meeting someone in person than online, but you never know.

If you're dealing with social anxiety, all of this gets much harder but from personal experience, pulling yourself out of your comfort zone and facing your anxiety seems to be the only way out. I went from being terrified of asking for directions to now occasionaly starting small talk with total strangers. At first i kept saying stupid shit and being super awkward and horrible at conversations, but the more i made myself suffer through it, the better i got at it and it has gotten much easier.

Hope some of this helps you go in the right direction. One thing i've learned this year is, all things worth doing in life are difficult and take time and effort.

 

[JamesUK]

Though I personally have little experience with this so far and i'll probably look like an ass or naive but here are my thoughts regarding this and what i am presonally trying to stick to.

Be yourself, but first you need to figure out who you are. For instance, before i knew who i was, i constantly adapted to the group or person i was talking to or hanging out with. Now that i know who i am, i no longer adapt to others and we don't always agree on everything or see things the same way, but that is how it's supposed to be, we are all induviduals, but by being yourself you will eventualy find or meet like minded people and that will increase your chances of meeting your future partner.
The important thing is to always be who you are, you don't wan't someone liking you for being someone you're not because eventually your true self will show and things will fall apart.

Got any hobbies? try and go to events or meetings that correspond with what you like to do, there's always a chance you'll make new friendships there and that can sometimes lead to something more. (personally still got to put this into action myself)

Like learning new things? Night school or something similar can also help you make new friendships, i think you can never meet or know too many people. (hoping to put this into action next year, would love to learn the Italian language)

Regarding online dating sites... I have some experience with this and it mostly feels like throwing away money, in all honesty there is almost always a 30 to 1 ratio of men to women and women tend to get flooded with private messages and you'll most likely than not, be overlooked, unless you're super attractive and possibly rich.
I had the opportunity to have a sincere talk with one woman on a dating site who was willing to share this information.
Personally i think you still have way better chances of meeting someone in person than online, but you never know.

If you're dealing with social anxiety, all of this gets much harder but from personal experience, pulling yourself out of your comfort zone and facing your anxiety seems to be the only way out. I went from being terrified of asking for directions to now occasionaly starting small talk with total strangers. At first i kept saying stupid shit and being super awkward and horrible at conversations, but the more i made myself suffer through it, the better i got at it and it has gotten much easier.

Hope some of this helps you go in the right direction. One thing i've learned this year is, all things worth doing in life are difficult and take time and effort.

Sounds like good advice. Unfortunately I'm a bit too sick due to chronic illness to leave the house much or socialise, so that's really increasing the difficulty level for me quite a bit.

I haven't spent any money on dating sites, so I've "succeeded" there at least.