IamLost
LouLou
- Nov 10, 2020
- 1
I was born, and not without complications.
I was put in an incubator with a heart mummer and yellow jaundice. My Mother and Father got told I was gonna die. Somehow, I survived.
My earliest memory was getting beaten. The abuse came as punishment from seeing my mother.
My father is mentally impaired, or "slow" as some might say. He also has bipolar disorder and a long list of physical health problems.
The one beating me, however, was not my Father. A man managed to trick my Father into thinking my Mother was the one hurting me.
That led to the constant arrest of my mother who is a Filipino immigrant.
I was only 3-4 at this time and I learned to rarely speak so I never stuck up for her.
This man also kept taking all our money and we moved from house to house constantly.
I would have to go to this man's car garage where I would be trapped in a closet with my cat. If I let her out with me, then I would get beaten with a belt.
At one point I lived with this man and he would randomly come into my room in the middle of the night and rip me out of bed to fall onto the floor. Then, he would laugh and walk away.
At the age of 5, my abuser got arrested for something unrelated to myself and my Father took me to live with my Grandmother.
For 4 years I would live with them.
In 4th grade, I moved in with my Mom and still constantly visited my Father.
My Uncle and his 2 sons lived down the street. He was a bad man.
My cousins would constantly ask me to ask them to sleepover so they could get away from him.
My Uncle would also babysit me. Sadly, he would make me do sexual things to him.
Thankfully, it stopped on its own, but then his oldest son started doing things to me at night as well. It went on for years until it randomly stop with him as well.
Eventually, it all started eating me alive and in 8th grade, I tried killing myself.
After that everyone asked why I tried to.
The truth came out and I still regret telling my family about it.
My Mother and Stepdad were supportive of me coming out about it, but my Fathers side of the family hated me.
My Father is the youngest of 4 children. He no longer took my side when my Aunt and Uncle yelled at him for not supporting my Uncle who abused me.
My one Uncle that did not abuse me hesitantly believed me about my cousin because his daughter vouched for me.
Apparently, he tried to touch her in her sleep and she just slapped him.
He still did not support me though.
This past year, my grandmother passed away. I loved her and got lied to about her status condition.
I had to figure out what hospital she was in myself to say goodbye.
It was a short goodbye since she fell asleep holding my hand.
I also got kicked out of the house when I showed up at her house asking my father about how she was doing. It was out of the blue.
My birthday is now this month. I'm turning 22.
I really just wanna kill myself because all of the negatives from this life just weigh me down and causes so much struggle.
I still can't drive, people terrify me, and I'm in a relationship I just feel bad about.
I don't think it is possible for someone like me to find happiness.
I was put in an incubator with a heart mummer and yellow jaundice. My Mother and Father got told I was gonna die. Somehow, I survived.
My earliest memory was getting beaten. The abuse came as punishment from seeing my mother.
My father is mentally impaired, or "slow" as some might say. He also has bipolar disorder and a long list of physical health problems.
The one beating me, however, was not my Father. A man managed to trick my Father into thinking my Mother was the one hurting me.
That led to the constant arrest of my mother who is a Filipino immigrant.
I was only 3-4 at this time and I learned to rarely speak so I never stuck up for her.
This man also kept taking all our money and we moved from house to house constantly.
I would have to go to this man's car garage where I would be trapped in a closet with my cat. If I let her out with me, then I would get beaten with a belt.
At one point I lived with this man and he would randomly come into my room in the middle of the night and rip me out of bed to fall onto the floor. Then, he would laugh and walk away.
At the age of 5, my abuser got arrested for something unrelated to myself and my Father took me to live with my Grandmother.
For 4 years I would live with them.
In 4th grade, I moved in with my Mom and still constantly visited my Father.
My Uncle and his 2 sons lived down the street. He was a bad man.
My cousins would constantly ask me to ask them to sleepover so they could get away from him.
My Uncle would also babysit me. Sadly, he would make me do sexual things to him.
Thankfully, it stopped on its own, but then his oldest son started doing things to me at night as well. It went on for years until it randomly stop with him as well.
Eventually, it all started eating me alive and in 8th grade, I tried killing myself.
After that everyone asked why I tried to.
The truth came out and I still regret telling my family about it.
My Mother and Stepdad were supportive of me coming out about it, but my Fathers side of the family hated me.
My Father is the youngest of 4 children. He no longer took my side when my Aunt and Uncle yelled at him for not supporting my Uncle who abused me.
My one Uncle that did not abuse me hesitantly believed me about my cousin because his daughter vouched for me.
Apparently, he tried to touch her in her sleep and she just slapped him.
He still did not support me though.
This past year, my grandmother passed away. I loved her and got lied to about her status condition.
I had to figure out what hospital she was in myself to say goodbye.
It was a short goodbye since she fell asleep holding my hand.
I also got kicked out of the house when I showed up at her house asking my father about how she was doing. It was out of the blue.
My birthday is now this month. I'm turning 22.
I really just wanna kill myself because all of the negatives from this life just weigh me down and causes so much struggle.
I still can't drive, people terrify me, and I'm in a relationship I just feel bad about.
I don't think it is possible for someone like me to find happiness.
