february in alaska
wandering aimlessly
- Sep 13, 2023
- 462
Tonight I feel kind of hollow. Like I'm empty. Time to vent feelsbadman
My life just hasn't been worth anything. There's no sense of resolution or contentment or satisfaction. This whole life has just felt like one giant waste of time and money and effort, just for me to give up in the middle. What a fucking pathetic existence I've lived. If I was someone else, I sure as hell wouldn't care about me either. I'm hard to love, I've got a confusing and bland personality, I'm introverted to the point of being a recluse and don't allow anyone to get close to me, I'm ugly, I'm lazy, I'm selfish. I care too much and get disappointed when others don't care for me. I'm self centered and annoying, boring, weird, awkward, manipulative. I don't even know who I am and I still don't like myself. And if I can't even care about myself how can I expect anyone else to.
I wish I was better. I wish I was happier. I wish people cared about me despite all my flaws, like I was some main character in a movie and things just kind of worked out. I wish the fantasies in my head were more than that. I wish I was somewhere else, someone else, anything. Anything. I wish I was special and important and I meant something. I wish I had a reason to live. I wish I wish I wish. I wish my life wasn't just a series of wishes. I wish I had something worthwhile to say.
I'm out here living the life of an NPC. Just going through the motions. Autopilot. I'm no one. I'm tired
My life just hasn't been worth anything. There's no sense of resolution or contentment or satisfaction. This whole life has just felt like one giant waste of time and money and effort, just for me to give up in the middle. What a fucking pathetic existence I've lived. If I was someone else, I sure as hell wouldn't care about me either. I'm hard to love, I've got a confusing and bland personality, I'm introverted to the point of being a recluse and don't allow anyone to get close to me, I'm ugly, I'm lazy, I'm selfish. I care too much and get disappointed when others don't care for me. I'm self centered and annoying, boring, weird, awkward, manipulative. I don't even know who I am and I still don't like myself. And if I can't even care about myself how can I expect anyone else to.
I wish I was better. I wish I was happier. I wish people cared about me despite all my flaws, like I was some main character in a movie and things just kind of worked out. I wish the fantasies in my head were more than that. I wish I was somewhere else, someone else, anything. Anything. I wish I was special and important and I meant something. I wish I had a reason to live. I wish I wish I wish. I wish my life wasn't just a series of wishes. I wish I had something worthwhile to say.
I'm out here living the life of an NPC. Just going through the motions. Autopilot. I'm no one. I'm tired
