Venting (Anti-Depressants)

[higherthanthesun]

I'm not really sure how to start this but I really just need some advice from like-minded individuals.

I was put on anti-depressents when I was 16 after I tried to CTB. I've struggled to take them ever since, whether it be switching meds or not taking them for months on end. Until I was 20 and found ones that seem to do the trick, still struggle to take them though.

I'll be honest, they do work to an extent, they give me the motivation to get my shit together.

But I'm really struggling to wrap my head around the fact that if I don't take these pills I will lose my mind and probably CTB.

When I don't take them its as if everyones opinion matter 10X more and the only way to stop caring about what everyone else is thinking/doing is sleep.
Thats how I was diagnosed with hyper-somnia.

Its just really upsetting to me and I recently found this platform and thought maybe I could talk about it here.

All Love xoxo

 

[my_sundown]

I get this, mind sharing what you're on? The flux I'm on makes me not care but also makes me not care a little too much. Still depressed but no anxiety.

 

[annxietty]

I understand the feeling, If I dont take my meds I am incapable of doing anything at all due to anxiety. Everyone around me is against me taking my meds but I know that if I dont take them I will be a mess, still, no meds have ever made quit my suicidal thoughts or my desire to do self harm, only therapy has done something meaningful to me, and I no longer have the option of therapy available (money issues). Do we have to take medication all our lives? That thought worries me, but I have no solution yet. I would say talk with your psychiatrist about this, but I know how difficult that is (impossible in some cases), hope you find peace somehow.

 

[higherthanthesun]

I understand the feeling, If I dont take my meds I am incapable of doing anything at all due to anxiety. Everyone around me is against me taking my meds but I know that if I dont take them I will be a mess, still, no meds have ever made quit my suicidal thoughts or my desire to do self harm, only therapy has done something meaningful to me, and I no longer have the option of therapy available (money issues). Do we have to take medication all our lives? That thought worries me, but I have no solution yet. I would say talk with your psychiatrist about this, but I know how difficult that is (impossible in some cases), hope you find peace somehow.

I totally get that, I really struggle taking my meds, but its different for me as everyone around me constantly tells me I need to take them, or I'll get some comment like "Have you taken your meds" like ya I have whats that supposed to mean? My meds kinda make me forget the suicidal stuff but every now and again they come flooding back.

And I have gone to therapy and enjoy it but as I am currently unemployed I don't have the benefits to cover my therapy and therefore can no longer go, this is kind of my last option without making my family think I belong in a psychiatric hospital.

I really appreciate your comment and hope you find peace as well <3

I get this, mind sharing what you're on? The flux I'm on makes me not care but also makes me not care a little too much. Still depressed but no anxiety.

I'm on Citalopram, they suggested it to me as it worked for my aunt and my grandfather.

And exactly, there is really no happy medium, either I'm so stressed about work/certifications/studying, or I don't care at all and convince myself nothing matters. Now days just keep going by and I'm doing nothing again, just rotting.

I'm sure something will happen eventually and I'll be okay but its just a mess.

 

[my_sundown]

I talk to a therapist but I have to be so careful about what I say to her(which makes zero sense). I may try to switch medicines but I don't know. I guess I feel really lost a lot. I've been reading up on inert gas as well as carbon monoxide… they seem pleasant and I won't have to worry about things anymore. I wish you luck on your degree and certifications - I felt like that in my early 20s (the pressure of "success") and now I'm a 40 year old cpa and it never went away… it's always something. Sorry to ramble :(

 

[higherthanthesun]

I talk to a therapist but I have to be so careful about what I say to her(which makes zero sense). I may try to switch medicines but I don't know. I guess I feel really lost a lot. I've been reading up on inert gas as well as carbon monoxide… they seem pleasant and I won't have to worry about things anymore. I wish you luck on your degree and certifications - I felt like that in my early 20s (the pressure of "success") and now I'm a 40 year old cpa and it never went away… it's always something. Sorry to ramble :(

Don't be sorry at all, if your going to ramble a venting post is probably the best place to do it, and I'm happy to listen. I've always had so much pressure from such a young age, whether it be school, or my attitude, etc, it's exhausting, but someone always has it worse and nothing I say really matters.

Therapy is so stupidly expensive and not even good most of the time. I found one good therapist after like 10 different ones over the years then lost her, so pissed. It's important though, just having someone to talk to even if you can't say everything you want, and they're unbiased to your situation (or atleast my good one was, she mostly just listened)

Anyways, I wish you luck on whatever path you end up on :)