Venting Another Father's Day

[Dimension369963]

I don't know how my father looks himself in the mirror every day. He beat me and my brother as kids, was a drunk for decades and lied about everything. He left us when I was 13. He has never lived more than 5 miles from us. He is such a coward and he is about 50% responsible for everything bad in my life and why this will be my final Father's Day with a written note of the truth in detail sent out to every person who knows him the day I end my suffering.

It's funny to think about how our lineage had to go back 10,000 years, I always wondered were our ancestors heroes, fighters, warriors, or cowards, jesters and town drunks like my family on my fathers side is. Still his life is wonderful while mine was made absolute hell by him.

This poem is for you sperm donor. Happy Donor's Day

The Man In The Glass
By Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr.

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father, or mother, or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please – never mind all the rest
For he's with you, clear to the end
And you've passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

 

[Red]

My dad was a prick too, drug-addled, heavy-handed, vicious-tongued, projects his own faults onto the people around him... He's genuinely okay with the man he sees when he looks in the mirror!
He just can't see why nobody else is, and why he's alone on Father's Day despite having a hoard of children...
It's not just forgiving yourself, it's putting yourself in humble enough a position to be forgiven by the people you've wronged.
Grandiose narcissism is a bitch for everyone

 

[Grandexit]

I always wonder about the women who think having children with these horrid men is a good idea. But absolutely, fuck the deadbeat and abusive sperm slingers, they deserve a hammer to the gonads daily.

 

[Red]

I had a child with a guy who turned out to be a bit of a twatty father - he hid it well before I finally figured it out.
He was a covert narcissist and avoidant to boot but I didn't realise until it was too late.
He's not nearly as bad as my dad (maybe that was the problem - comparatively he seemed like an angel!) but he was abusive in secret. Some of them hide it really well and do anything to maintain that "nice guy" front

 

[Dimension369963]

Covert narcissists are experts at homing in on empathic people and gaslighting them (that is a term for a bad person usually in relationships but with anyone really, convince you that everythng you do it wrong no matter if you were even part of the event while everything they do is always right.

My ex fiancee did that to me, we met in college, both going to school to be psychologists, she destroyed me. No father in the family, step father in prison for drilling holes in her room and shower with cameras of her at 16, mother a total sociopath, half brother from the step father 6 years old at the time and had a major mental disorder doctors could not figure out. He would bite you, scream in your face, spit, punch, kick, rip your cloths. My ex-fiancee was a gaslighter. I gave up my life for her. She visited her mom's house almost every day to see her brother.

We had dishes thrown at us on Monday and dinner prepared by her mom on Tuesday. Her two best friends were in abusive relationships, she worked at a strip club as a massage girl but I didn't find that out until after we had fallen in love. We spent 3 months of our semester just by chance in the same 3 classes, and we both fell for each other so by the time we started dating it was like we had been together for 3 months already.

Everything was my fault, all the time. I got her out of the strip club, luckily she never touched a man except for backrubs, I had to drive down there over a dozen times to pick her up crying her eyes out because I had never been in a strip club and they are disgusting placed filled with the worst human beings. As an empathic person, I would drink vodka before I went to get her, otherwise the emotional energy of sick perverts everywhere would of made me vomit.

I protected her family from the people on the 2nd floor who were drug dealers, had knives pulled on me, babysat her brother 3 nights a week alone on the 1st floor so she could go out with friends and her mom could work a night job since her brother could never be alone and she was a single mom. In my ex- fiancee's words I changed and saved her life, got her a job working with autistic children which she loved. Her life was getting better, I bought her an engagement ring, she lost it high, smoked weed constantly and was bi-polar, I tried to get her to quit weed but she smoked so much she was high 70% of her life. She tried to kill herself twice, once I had to hold the keys in my hand for the car for 1 hour in 20 degree weather as she clawed at my first to take them from me so she could drive off a cliff.

When she was as good as she could be in her life, I had stabalized it, protected her from her mom, never hurt her, she cried on my shoulders over 100 times, I was always there for her, I loved her more than I ever loved anyone in my life. I bought her a 2nd engagement ring after she lost the first one high on weed, she vanished one day from everyone, her friends, family, me. For 10 hours I called everyone I knew, drove every route I thought she would drive looking for her hoping she was alive and ok. She was fine, just decided she was done pretending she was capable of love and left me. Slashed wrist, 9 tendons, ulnar nerve, blood transfusion, death and revival, when she found out last words I ever heard from her was "Bye Beau".

In the end she had drained every ounce of love and compassion from me like no other person ever has. I was always in relationships from age 15-32, from 32-34 I was with her. I just turned 37, I have never dated anyone again and rejected every woman who tried to get romantic with me or be friends with benefits. That is the level of emotional, mental and spiritual damage that my ex-fiancee did to me. I left out so much more she did and all the things I did to get her life in order. In the end I fixed her and she destroyed me and when she realized that she found another guy who was richer, more handsome, or more socially connected than I was and she put her foot on my head and climbed to the next branch on the tree.

 

[ERASED]

Fuck fathers day. I never had one.