Venting Venting about life, I guess.

[iloveduster]

I don't have anyone to talk about this with, but I really need to vent somewhere. Currently, I am 18, and I'll be turning 19 in about a month or so. I'm not even looking forward to it. Life is nothing but pain. It's fucking awful. I have no people in my life who actually like talking to me and know anything about me. I am always in pain both mentally and physically. My parents don't talk to me unless they want to scream at me for some small things that I accidentally forget to do. I can barely get out of bed and no one knows about it. Since SI and lack of resources are stopping me from ctb, I'm just hoping that my health declines so much that I just die. I harm myself in every way. I truly hate my body and myself and literally everything about me. I just wish someone was there for me but no one cares about me. And yet there are people saying that "life is worth living." How can they say that? I have no future and I'm failing everything. The people I love don't even bother to talk to me. It's as if I'm some sort of trash on the floor but people won't even bother to pick it up. I can't even sleep at nights. I haven't experienced peace ever in my life and I think the only way I can achieve it is by ctb. I'm so messed up I can't even cry normally. I'm just in pain. There are so many things wrong with me. I'm grieving so many deaths and so many failed relationships. How can people just abuse others? And why do I always stay? I wish I could just write everything in my head here but I can't even form sentences. All I'm in is complete misery and people still say "it gets better." It's been like 12 years I can't endure it any longer. Why can't anyone love me? Why is everything and everyone so cruel? Even my body gave up on me. I just want peace. I have attempted on my life multiple times and each time either SI came over me or it didn't work. I have absolutely nothing to lose anymore. I've tried everything to get better, but it didn't work. Life won't get any better ever. If there is a God, He's fucking cruel.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Hello there. Sorry to hear about your suffering, it sounds awful what you are going through. I can imagine how much stress it constantly is- Im pretty sure you need help with that. We all need some support and guidance sometimes, there's so much pressure and difficult things in life. It's like every day you have to go school of life to learn something new about about our selfs, existence and stuff. One thing that could really help you to over come some anxiety and destructive patterns, is to learn to be compassionate, kind and loving towards yourself (and others too).. Because when we act cold and unkind, we distance ourselfselfs from our hearts. People can act without they heart by saying and doing things they don't really mean, but that's not real living. You could start by writing kind and encouraging things to yourself.

 

[Labyrinth]

I wish things had been simpler, easier, more obvious in my life. Everything has always been too complex, too difficult, too confusing. Whenever I tried it was never enough. I want to give up and get rid of this physical pain, this loneliness, this emptiness, this uselessness. But not even death belongs to me, I am weak to die and weak to live. I feel like an intersection between two opposing thresholds; a consequence without a cause; a road that leads nowhere: I am nothing.

If I am not prepared for self-extermination, if death is not truly what I want, if the slightest possibility still exists, I must change my reality. Because there's nowhere else to go -- but here, in this hell.

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is cruel how people suffer so much in this existence, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.