NSFW (VENT) my mother says I'm a whore

[quietwater]

Hi, before starting reading I wanted to warn you that this is a vent post, I tagged it NSFW because it contains sexual themes.
It also contains themes such as SA, incest, pedophilia and of course SI.
I just want to talk about this with someone.

.

I can't stand my mother anymore. Since she and my father separated, she's projecting all of her distress, anger and paranoia on me, and I can't endure this any longer.

Some time ago, my father came to visit me and he stayed for a few days where me and my mother live, I took a shower and I asked him to help me lace my bra, he did and I went in my room to get dressed.
After this, we (me and my father) went out for dinner, and my mom stayed home, since the relationship they share isn't good AT ALL. When my mother is angry at me or we fight, she sends me LONG voice messages where she insults me or screams, and she sent me one when I was out for dinner.
In the voice message she said that I disgusted her and that I should be ashamed because I made my father see my naked body, and she implied that I wanted to fuck him.

This is already disgusting enough, but the worst part is that she said he was a pedophile and that I was "crazy like him".
This really hurt, because I was sexually abused as a child, and she knows it (she always claims that she always protected and still protects me from this).

I could NEVER do that to anyone, ESPECIALLY a child, the fact that she says that I am this disgusting is terrible, and it really scarred me, even because she said it in other occasions, without ANY motivation. I will never forget the times she said that, because, as I said, it left a scar.
I have never EVER said or done anything even remotely like this, and I of course hate when she says this just to hurt me, especially because SHE KNOWS I was a victim of pedophilia.

As I said before, this happened time ago, months ago, and I didn't reply to the message or brought this up. But today we were arguing because of my father (he's doing terrible things, such as wanting to throw us out of the house we live in), and I brought it up. She claimed she didn't say any of this, so I made her listen to the voice message, and she started saying that she was right, that I am a crazy whore and that I could do something like that, because I am a manipulator.

I am really tired, in general I am tired of my parents, both my father and my mother are people who hurt me badly, but this is just too much.
I am aware a lot of mothers say that their daughters want to fuck their fathers or step fathers, and this is horrible.
I can't stand this anymore, everything is so tiring. Even when I am calm or glad to spend time with my partner or my friends, my parents have to do something terrible, and I can't do this anymore.

I wish I could disappear, I wish I could stop being a "whore", "crazy", and a "manipulator", as she says.

 

[ripberman]

I am so sorry your mother has said these horrible things to you—keep reminding yourself that they aren't true, even if they feel real and painful coming from her.

Your mother sounds like an extremely unwell woman. This does not excuse her abhorrent behavior, but it is an objective fact, and more proof that she is the problem in this situation, not you. I know it doesn't help much, though; my father was similarly insane and I have not been able to stop the hurt he caused.

Lastly, there is nothing inherently shameful or disgusting about your body, or getting help from your father to adjust your clothes. My mother also had some strange ideas about this stuff—I was not allowed to wear tight pants or tank tops at home because my father might have seen. This is their problem, and it says nothing about you.

 

[quietwater]

I am so sorry your mother has said these horrible things to you—keep reminding yourself that they aren't true, even if they feel real and painful coming from her.

Your mother sounds like an extremely unwell woman. This does not excuse her abhorrent behavior, but it is an objective fact, and more proof that she is the problem in this situation, not you. I know it doesn't help much, though; my father was similarly insane and I have not been able to stop the hurt he caused.

Lastly, there is nothing inherently shameful or disgusting about your body, or getting help from your father to adjust your clothes. My mother also had some strange ideas about this stuff—I was not allowed to wear tight pants or tank tops at home because my father might have seen. This is their problem, and it says nothing about you.

Thank you so much for this words, they cleared my mood a bit.

I am aware that my mother is unwell, and I know that what she says is coming directly from her pain and her illness, but still, as you said, is very hard for a child to not be affected and hurt by the words of their parents—I'm sorry your father acted similar, I can understand the situation.

Thank you again for saying this, it helped me a lot, really. I hope you are in a better situation now, and that you managed to distance yourself from your parents, if that's what you wanted.
Remember that what you said about this and me is the same for you, and that you don't have to feel ashamed for anything that your parents say or have said. <3

 

[hellispink]

There are a lot of "mothers" (they dont even deserve to be called that way) that project all their insecurities into their children. I can tell your mother is very jealous of you. She is jealous probably of your beauty and your youth. Whatever it is, it's common. Some women never heal the wounds they had with other females and they portrait all their hate they have in their rooting hearts into you. Know this is NOT your fault will never be. She did not protected you as a child, she failed you. She should be asking for mercy , not accusing you of her own disgraces she herself caused. All her hell and mess she complains about know is her own responsability. Your parents bullshit aint your own. You must and only deal with your own bullshit you already have enough. Dont know what age you are or your circumstances if you work or not, I also live with my abusive parents and i cant leave due to being jobless. I cant really tell you to leave that place cause i more than anybody know it doesnt work like that. However dont give them the power to control your emotions. If you gonna die live or whatever do so in your terms not because someone with their hate is driving you to it. She is poisoned you aint. Not because she is your mom you must handle respect or listen to her as she is abusive. Try to find your own reflections inside you , there are the answers.

 

[Little_Suzy]

This is completely inappropriate, and I am sorry that your own mother is speaking to you in such a manner. No! A lot of mothers do not call their daughters whores or accuse them of incest.

Make an effort to reestablish control over your personal space.

Change your phone number and don't share the new one. Establish ground rules with your mother.

Tell her she is not permitted to verbally assault you and that you will not tolerate such cruel messages on your voicemail.

When she verbally assaults you, disengage. Walk away or go for a walk outdoors.

Narcissists despise being ignored, and she is the one who has to live with the venom she spews out of her mouth.

If you need to communicate with her, write it down on a note and give it to her. Inform her that you will not talk to her until she respects you.

You should call the cops on her if she won't leave your space or makes threats.

When I realized that these kinds of arguments didn't accomplish anything and that I was simply being used as a punching bag, I began to walk away from arguments. Once a partner threatened to take my bedroom door off its hinges, and I called the police. He never argued with me again, and I believe the police warned him off. Recognize that you have a right to privacy and serenity in your own house. Just because your parents pay the bills and "it's their house" it does not give them the right to abuse you.

 

[quietwater]

There are a lot of "mothers" (they dont even deserve to be called that way) that project all their insecurities into their children. I can tell your mother is very jealous of you. She is jealous probably of your beauty and your youth. Whatever it is, it's common. Some women never heal the wounds they had with other females and they portrait all their hate they have in their rooting hearts into you. Know this is NOT your fault will never be. She did not protected you as a child, she failed you. She should be asking for mercy , not accusing you of her own disgraces she herself caused. All her hell and mess she complains about know is her own responsability. Your parents bullshit aint your own. You must and only deal with your own bullshit you already have enough. Dont know what age you are or your circumstances if you work or not, I also live with my abusive parents and i cant leave due to being jobless. I cant really tell you to leave that place cause i more than anybody know it doesnt work like that. However dont give them the power to control your emotions. If you gonna die live or whatever do so in your terms not because someone with their hate is driving you to it. She is poisoned you aint. Not because she is your mom you must handle respect or listen to her as she is abusive. Try to find your own reflections inside you , there are the answers.

Thank you so much for your words, I appreciate this deeply.
I know that she is projecting her problems on me, but sometimes is really hard to not be affected by the hate I receive.

Anyway, thank you again. I am trying to leave my abusive household, and I hope you too will find peace and happiness in any way you want and need, at your own terms.
Sending affection from here <3

This is completely inappropriate, and I am sorry that your own mother is speaking to you in such a manner. No! A lot of mothers do not call their daughters whores or accuse them of incest.

Make an effort to reestablish control over your personal space.

Change your phone number and don't share the new one. Establish ground rules with your mother.

Tell her she is not permitted to verbally assault you and that you will not tolerate such cruel messages on your voicemail.

When she verbally assaults you, disengage. Walk away or go for a walk outdoors.

Narcissists despise being ignored, and she is the one who has to live with the venom she spews out of her mouth.

If you need to communicate with her, write it down on a note and give it to her. Inform her that you will not talk to her until she respects you.

You should call the cops on her if she won't leave your space or makes threats.

When I realized that these kinds of arguments didn't accomplish anything and that I was simply being used as a punching bag, I began to walk away from arguments. Once a partner threatened to take my bedroom door off its hinges, and I called the police. He never argued with me again, and I believe the police warned him off. Recognize that you have a right to privacy and serenity in your own house. Just because your parents pay the bills and "it's their house" it does not give them the right to abuse you.

Thank you so much. These words—and the ones from the other replies here— are giving me the strength I continue to stand up for myself.

I am trying to get better and think about my own wellness, it's just really hard because of my parents and their actions. I will try walk away from arguments as you suggested more, not because of her but for my own self.

Thank you so much again, this helped me a lot.
I hope you're in a better situation now too, and that no partner of yours tried to disrespect you again <3

 

[Jinxyxx]

I'm really sorry you have to go through something like this. I don't know your living situation but i hope you can get away from your parents as soon as possible. Once you do, I believe it will all be much easier for you and you can finally start healing properly.
I don't know you well but from what i see here you are not a whore or crazy or manipulative. Unfortunately, there are so many parents who will just use their children to let their frustrations out on them and make them believe all sorts of things.
I really hope you manage to get away from that toxic environment as soon as possible and I hope you get better.
Treat yourself well, I believe you're a good person. And good luck.

 

[quietwater]

I'm really sorry you have to go through something like this. I don't know your living situation but i hope you can get away from your parents as soon as possible. Once you do, I believe it will all be much easier for you and you can finally start healing properly.
I don't know you well but from what i see here you are not a whore or crazy or manipulative. Unfortunately, there are so many parents who will just use their children to let their frustrations out on them and make them believe all sorts of things.
I really hope you manage to get away from that toxic environment as soon as possible and I hope you get better.
Treat yourself well, I believe you're a good person. And good luck.

Thank you very much for these words. I am trying to get away from my family, but it's not easy because of our situation. Anyway, I think too that I could heal properly if I manage to distance myself from them, so thank you for encouraging me.
<3

 

[Old Friend]

Your mum has serious issues. You need to draw some boundaries and be clear to her what you're not willing to put up with. Unfortunately, she'll always have some power over you so long as you live in her house. You may want to strike out alone, if that's possible.

 

[quietwater]

Your mum has serious issues. You need to draw some boundaries and be clear to her what you're not willing to put up with. Unfortunately, she'll always have some power over you so long as you live in her house. You may want to strike out alone, if that's possible.

I am trying to distance myself from my family, both physically and mentally, because as you say they will always have some power over me as long as I live with my mom.
Thank you for motivating me <3

 

[monochrom3]

So sorry you had to endure all of that. Your "mother" is absolutely wrong and clearly has serious issues. I can understand your worry about the statements she does, remember that shes not the entire world and there are a LOT of good persons out of there that can totally see the truth behind

I see you had quite good advice here, specially from hellispink and Little_Suzy

You may expect a redemption arc from them some time after the distance. These kind of personalities never heal or get better. Never ever, leave important things within their reach, material stuff and information that they could use to bother you. Dont hesitate to lie to protect yourself. You don't need or deserve to go through any more bad times or have your projects delayed because of them. It is good that you save all evidence of their behavior, such as her audios or anything you can think of. Keep well that card but remember that all of this protection is only from them. Do not close to others or think everyone acts the same way

Try to met new people that doesnt give the feels or intuition of being like them. Good people can be a little toxic sometimes but never destructive

You can throw away all that guilt that they want to put on you, it doesn't belong to you

Hope everything gets better ♥

 

[Orbitc]

Hi, before starting reading I wanted to warn you that this is a vent post, I tagged it NSFW because it contains sexual themes.
It also contains themes such as SA, incest, pedophilia and of course SI.
I just want to talk about this with someone.

.

I can't stand my mother anymore. Since she and my father separated, she's projecting all of her distress, anger and paranoia on me, and I can't endure this any longer.

Some time ago, my father came to visit me and he stayed for a few days where me and my mother live, I took a shower and I asked him to help me lace my bra, he did and I went in my room to get dressed.
After this, we (me and my father) went out for dinner, and my mom stayed home, since the relationship they share isn't good AT ALL. When my mother is angry at me or we fight, she sends me LONG voice messages where she insults me or screams, and she sent me one when I was out for dinner.
In the voice message she said that I disgusted her and that I should be ashamed because I made my father see my naked body, and she implied that I wanted to fuck him.

This is already disgusting enough, but the worst part is that she said he was a pedophile and that I was "crazy like him".
This really hurt, because I was sexually abused as a child, and she knows it (she always claims that she always protected and still protects me from this).

I could NEVER do that to anyone, ESPECIALLY a child, the fact that she says that I am this disgusting is terrible, and it really scarred me, even because she said it in other occasions, without ANY motivation. I will never forget the times she said that, because, as I said, it left a scar.
I have never EVER said or done anything even remotely like this, and I of course hate when she says this just to hurt me, especially because SHE KNOWS I was a victim of pedophilia.

As I said before, this happened time ago, months ago, and I didn't reply to the message or brought this up. But today we were arguing because of my father (he's doing terrible things, such as wanting to throw us out of the house we live in), and I brought it up. She claimed she didn't say any of this, so I made her listen to the voice message, and she started saying that she was right, that I am a crazy whore and that I could do something like that, because I am a manipulator.

I am really tired, in general I am tired of my parents, both my father and my mother are people who hurt me badly, but this is just too much.
I am aware a lot of mothers say that their daughters want to fuck their fathers or step fathers, and this is horrible.
I can't stand this anymore, everything is so tiring. Even when I am calm or glad to spend time with my partner or my friends, my parents have to do something terrible, and I can't do this anymore.

I wish I could disappear, I wish I could stop being a "whore", "crazy", and a "manipulator", as she says.

I have not communicated with my mother for almost 20 years - I don't even know if she is alive or not. I just decided that I don't need shitty people in my life who want to manipulate and use me - she's a stranger, I've never felt love for her, I've always hated her very much. Maybe you should just stop comunicate to your parents? If someone spoils your mood, think about what your life could be like without these people. You write that you were a victim of sexual violence - was this rapist your father? Or does everything she says really have no basis in reality?

 

[NumbItAll]

I am aware a lot of mothers say that their daughters want to fuck their fathers or step fathers, and this is horrible.

Wait... what? I've literally never heard of this. Does that actually happen? She sounds horrendous, I'm sorry you have to deal with that abuse.

 

[quietwater]

So sorry you had to endure all of that. Your "mother" is absolutely wrong and clearly has serious issues. I can understand your worry about the statements she does, remember that shes not the entire world and there are a LOT of good persons out of there that can totally see the truth behind

I see you had quite good advice here, specially from hellispink and Little_Suzy

You may expect a redemption arc from them some time after the distance. These kind of personalities never heal or get better. Never ever, leave important things within their reach, material stuff and information that they could use to bother you. Dont hesitate to lie to protect yourself. You don't need or deserve to go through any more bad times or have your projects delayed because of them. It is good that you save all evidence of their behavior, such as her audios or anything you can think of. Keep well that card but remember that all of this protection is only from them. Do not close to others or think everyone acts the same way

Try to met new people that doesnt give the feels or intuition of being like them. Good people can be a little toxic sometimes but never destructive

You can throw away all that guilt that they want to put on you, it doesn't belong to you

Hope everything gets better ♥

Thank you very much for the advice and the support, I appreciate this deeply.

I am trying to get away from my household and trying to get better and protect myself, it's currently hard for me, but I have hope for the future about this. Sometimes it's hard to endure all of this though, so I'm often down and in a low mood.

I am trying to work on myself as to not feel guilt and always in the wrong, it's a thought process but still, I am trying.

As I said before, thank you very much for this replies <3

I have not communicated with my mother for almost 20 years - I don't even know if she is alive or not. I just decided that I don't need shitty people in my life who want to manipulate and use me - she's a stranger, I've never felt love for her, I've always hated her very much. Maybe you should just stop comunicate to your parents? If someone spoils your mood, think about what your life could be like without these people. You write that you were a victim of sexual violence - was this rapist your father? Or does everything she says really have no basis in reality?

Hello, I am trying to distance myself from my family as much as I can right now. Because of my personal situation it's not very easy, but I think that maybe I could manage, in some way.

My father never acted in weird ways (sexually) towards me, he never touched me like that, even if he's not a good father or person at all on other aspects of life, he never did anything to me.
Still, the ones who sexual assaulted me were relatives of mine. Of course I don't have any contact with them anymore, but they were family members, so I suppose my mother could be worried for me. Still, what she said to me hurted me deeply.

I hope you feel better now that you're away from your abusive household, and I wish you the best nontheless. Thank you so much for your words <3

Wait... what? I've literally never heard of this. Does that actually happen? She sounds horrendous, I'm sorry you have to deal with that abuse.

Thank you for the support <3
Unfortunately, I know other people who have been accused by their mother of something like that, and I read testimonies of abuse that said the same thing. It's a horrible thing, but abusive mothers tend to accuse their daughters of that.

 

[Orbitc]

I'm sorry for suggesting that your father was the rapist - thank God he didn't do it. Then most likely you just shouldn't react so sharply to your mother's words - it looks like she just has some kind of mental paranoid disorder.

 

[CTB Fella]

Never read a word of your post.

My "mother" is a shit cunt, who gave me away at birth, and speaks to me like I'm a piece of shit.

I hope it gets run over, and dies a slow and painful death.

Fuck her.

 

[quietwater]

Never read a word of your post.

My "mother" is a shit cunt, who gave me away at birth, and speaks to me like I'm a piece of shit.

I hope it gets run over, and dies a slow and painful death.

Fuck her.

I am very sorry for what happened to you, I hope you will feel better when you distance yourself from her. ★