Venting vent/journal

[Specific_Milk]

I've made up my mind. Cant even plan properly because there are too many variables to consider... but just gonna have to do roughly the following:

-dispose of all my belongings then either:

scenario 1
-if I manage to bring sn past airport securities (which is stressing me the fuck out btw) then I'll have to buy anti-emetics, some painkillers or even benzos
-go on that trip with my mates
-come back, find a hotel
(to bring my kit on that trip or not...hm... still deciding)

scenario 2
-if my mind changes and I don't want to risk bringing sn, then it'll have to be hanging...
-follow same plan as before


things to do in the mean time
-submit that goddamn assignment (in case I fuck up the attempt so I can still 'come back to where I've left off' I suppose)
-modify or rewrite s*icide letter for parents (dk if I have it in me to write one for friends)
-sort out bank account
-sort out social media accounts (write down of all my passwords)
-optional: put in a formal request to drop out of university (might clash with first bullet point but whatever)

It's going to be hard but hope to find peace soon...

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for, best wishes.

 

[Specific_Milk]

Thanks FC
---
15/12/2023 Preparing for ctb is hard...

I'm about to throw away my belongings and if I do, it'll seal my fate. This is just one of the first stages of the plan and my stupid indecisive brain is already having trouble committing to it..

 

[Specific_Milk]

22/12/23
I dont know how I'm gonna muster up the courage to kms. Ideally, it'd be after a night out with a mate and then do it on the way back. Haven't written a final letter yet just drafts. All knackered from that less than ideal trip with people who i thought were my ride or die. Maybe I'm just an arsehole and a sad cunt and im making the trip out to be more horrible than it was. I'm tired of life, I've seen alot, experienced alot and I don't want any part of this world. I just want to check out.

 

[IWishToDie]

You're over complicating these things.
Write a basic letter.
Find somewhere private for 8 hours minimum.
Take the metoclop, one hour before the SN.
Take the SN, have a backup cup.
Relax, pray, rest.
Rest.

 

[Specific_Milk]

You're over complicating these things.
Write a basic letter.
Find somewhere private for 8 hours minimum.
Take the metoclop, one hour before the SN.
Take the SN, have a backup cup.
Relax, pray, rest.
Rest.

If it were that easy i'd fucking do it. I dont live with my parents. If i did and had sn, i'd do it.