Vent. Don't mind me.

[PurpleMonkey]

I am 30 years old and single.

I do not have any connections, references or friends.

I have a major in Communication Studies and a Minor in Economics but have found zero jobs that would welcome those "skills".

I tried doing a second major but flunked out after four years of studies, earning half my credits. I am now barred from reentering my program for another three years.

I still live with my parents after having lost my apartment for numerous reasons. They are both of retirement age.

I owe my parents a total of $100K that my sub-$12/hour job can't even touch.

I've tried applying into the army but was disqualified due to my ADHD meds.

My dad can barely look me in the eyes anymore.

I have no particular hobbies or interests aside from listening to music, watching movies and obsessing over silly ASOIAF theories.

I have no place to go and nothing to offer anyone.

By now, I would have already used my 2-inch thick rope that I bought in 2019 but I can't because I will eventually have to take care of my senior parents as well as my special needs brother who I hate.

My dream of living alone in a studio apartment without financial woes or unwanted obligations is unattainable. I'd be happy spending the rest of my days in an Amazon warehouse but that won't pay off my debts.

There's nothing left for me to look forward to. Life will suck forever but hopefully I will gradually care less and less to want to live.

I am a failure. Through and through.

And that's really about it.

 

[symphony]

I would argue that it is not you who is the failure here. It is society that has failed by forcing people like you into these sorts of situations. Regardless, that sounds like absolute shit and I'm so sorry to hear you have to go through all of that. Wishing you all the best.

 

[PurpleMonkey]

I would argue that it is not you who is the failure here. It is society that has failed by forcing people like you into these sorts of situations. Regardless, that sounds like absolute shit and I'm so sorry to hear you have to go through all of that. Wishing you all the best.

Thanks man.

Well, I know people of much lower means who have reached tremendous success so I do hold myself to blame. It wouldn't be fair to others not to.

 

[timf]

It perhaps is the result of the imprint of movies and TV on us that creates an image of what defines "success". By this measure, most of us are "failures". It can be even more difficult if people have gone into debt to purchase a useless degree, a massive mortgage, or an expensive car. In a way it is a type of slavery brought on through deception.

Because of zoning laws and building codes rent in urban areas even for a studio apartment can be over $800/mo. Sometime people have to go to a rural area to get less expensive housing and commute to a city job.

Given the structure of our society, it can be an uphill battle. However, one can derive satisfaction from having made a little forward progress when the odds are stacked against you. This might be a better measure of success.

 

[Foresight]

Did school bring you to that 100k debt? Education costs like that are a crime against humanity.

I think you need to let go of some of the feelings of obligation. Your parents dragged you into life. You didn't birth that brother. They are solely responsible.

You're doing the best you can. Work on yourself and focus on yourself. Start blocking out that outside noise. I remember that phase when my mother couldn't look me in the eyes. Life is tough, the most important opinion is the one you have about yourself. That should be the focus of perspective change.

One more thing, don't down on your artistic interests. Even if you aren't the creator, interacting with music and novels is a beautiful part of human existence. There's nothing in the so called "real world" that matters more. We as people love myths and fantasies.

 

[PurpleMonkey]

Did school bring you to that 100k debt? Education costs like that are a crime against humanity.

I think you need to let go of some of the feelings of obligation. Your parents dragged you into life. You didn't birth that brother. They are solely responsible.

You're doing the best you can. Work on yourself and focus on yourself. Start blocking out that outside noise. I remember that phase when my mother couldn't look me in the eyes. Life is tough, the most important opinion is the one you have about yourself. That should be the focus of perspective change.

One more thing, don't down on your artistic interests. Even if you aren't the creator, interacting with music and novels is a beautiful part of human existence. There's nothing in the so called "real world" that matters more. We as people love myths and fantasies.
acting with music and novels is a beautiful part of human existence. There's nothing in the so called "real world" that matters more. We as people love myths and fantasies.

Yep, it was school. It's not an interest loan so thank Christ for that but it's still an emotional drag.

The first program was my parents idea; I kept saying I wasn't interested but they insisted because "you don't have other options" and "we need at least one kid to finish university". I wish I never did it but I don't think I'd be allowed in that house if I wasn't a student.

The second time around was my fault; a total failed experiment that was business school - for 4 years. I convinced them to cover me for that round because I was sure that this was my ticket into the workforce and it just set me back for life. Shit sucks.

You're absolutely right that I need to block out the noise. It'll be hard but I'm working towards getting into a judgement free zone where I can support myself and not have any expectations to live up to. The dream is to just be able to chill until my end days working, exercising, reviewing/watching silly movies and just being comfortable. If I can't achieve that then there's no point in living. Extreme words but honest ones.

Thanks for the support motivational and thoughtful reply. It's nice to hear encouragement.

 

[noaccount]

The problem isn't you it's capitalism your job is exploiting you and that's awful, it's awful to be forced to sell our labor-power for a fraction of the value it produces (all the profit companies make off us,) AND to have no input or creative-control over what that labor-power is being used to create, and be extorted by for-profit education debt rackets on top of that.

I am sorry people were shitty to you because you need meds, but it's best to steer clear of the military anyway:

https://ratical.org/ratville/CAH/warisaracket.pdf