Story Vent & Asking for advice

[aikou]

A bit of a corny vent so I thank you if you read through all of this.
Any advice is welcome.

Around May, I tried to get into a relationship. Of course, me being a shut-in and with there being no one that I know of with similar interests to mine near me since I live in a rather small and conservative town I decided to pick up an online dating app with a "reputation" (but that's actually irrelevant to the story in my opinion)
In this app I met a girl who was very similar to me, we talked for a while and eventually we moved our conversations into discord where we got closer to each other. We never officially dated but she was still a dear company to me and someone who I could always talk to. Long story short, after a month of talking daily she stopped replying, note that she did not delete her discord or pinterest account but she did delete her account in the dating app. She didn't even unfriend me or anything, she just, disappeared. At first I thought it was normal, she'd be gone for days at times but what worried me is that she often self harmed, leading me to believe it was suicide. It's been 2 months since she last replied. Before I met her I was already doing pretty bad, I'd spend my days procrastinate, just doomscrolling on social media, not being able to even consume media I enjoy. It remains like that way to this day but her sudden disappearance made it worse. I'm starting to become a porn addict once again and I feel even more lonely, skipping on my own self-hygiene and seeing no hope for myself to recover.
This forum is one of the only places I can openly talk about my feelings and not be judged, so if you have any advice to deal with this I'll take it with open arms.
Hope you guys are having a good day.

 

[derpyderpins]

Not much advice to give, but I'm sorry that happened. "ghosting" in that way is so cruel. I don't know why people can't just tell you what's up. Like, if she got a boyfriend, hence deleting the app, I'm sure it wouldn't have made you go nuts if she told you.

I really feel you is all I'm saying. We have these screens and people forget there is an actual human on the other side. How else can you explain regularly messaging, knowing that person is thinking there is some sort of friendship there, and having no heart or conscience whatsoever to leave the person hanging without closure. Even if you did something that upset her, she should have the decency to let you know.

As for the fallout for your emotional state, there's no universal advice that won't sound cliched. You have to recognize and acknowledge that it wasn't because of you, and that she is not the decent person you thought she was. It's not a statement about you in the slightest. Then, you need time, and I think venting like this and talking it out is healthy, too. Good luck.

 

[enduringwinter]

Try reaching out to her on her other channels. For some people it can get too overwhelming to even be perceived online when, you know, depressing things happen and they were already so downtrodden. It seems like you care for her a lot despite the short time you've known each other. You have a good heart and I hope it works out for you.

 

[Artemisia]

Don't really know waht to say, just that it's not corny at all. She may very well have ended her life or maybe gone into a period in which she just can't deal with talking to people, even online. I guess I'm glad you're considering that's what may have happened, instead of immediately thinking she's a bad person, or that she doesn't care. Definitely an emotionally charged situation, no matter what happened. Life does suck quite often.

 

[hoppybunny]

Honestly I hope.she didn't ghost you but the alternative is suicide which sucks too. If you can try seeing if she's active on pinterest try to find other socials so you're certain which one it is. So sorry this happened.

Please don't feel bad about getting worse. Anyone would feel bad if this happened to them. Remeber to be kind to yourself and pat yourself on the back for those days that you do take care of yourself

 

[kyhoti]

I had something like that happen. Turned out it was a scam and that the "lady" I was chatting with was a guy from Nigeria trying to get money. It really hurt. I was so lonely. My addiction got worse, because I didn't want to walk through the negative feelings. The only way for me was to feel the feelings, walk through the pain and chalk it up to experience. For what it's worth, it still hurts sometimes. That's just life, I suppose.