Vegetative son. Mother called "selfish" for keeping him alive.

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Just wanted to share this news and tell me what you think

Mum of brain damaged son branded 'selfish for keeping him alive' by sick trolls

Mum Helen Barnes was told she was 'torturing his soul' when she posted her son's journey of recovery online after he tried to kill himself

www.mirror.co.uk

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I think people are cruel and should mind their own business in situations like this. They don't know the whole story. This is why DNRs need to be taken more seriously. It should be established at an earlier age if you'd like a DNR order. You don't know what could potentially happen in life.

 

[purplemoon]

I think the whole story is sad, and while I respect her pain and anguish, I still feel that obviously he was very unhappy.

He kept trying to kill himself for a reason. While I personally nor do any of us know exactly what his specific reasons were, to keep him alive when he is in a vegetative state, what would he do 10 years later? 20 years later?
Live in a state hospital where he's miserable on the inside?

I'm sorry for her loss, and yes it's extremely tragic.

of course I sympathize, I don't blame her for trying, as he was very young and she is his mother after all.

However, he was just labeled with mental illness, who's to say it's an illness? He was probably bullied in school for being different, and if the loss of his grandparents etc affected him that profoundly, then it did. Every set of circumstances combine with a unique personality, with unique strengths & weaknesses. Clearly he was very unhappy in his society.

Maybe he just wasn't happy in this world in general. Also, most parents would rather know that their offspring is somehow surviving, even if they're just breathing in a bed and can't do anything else.

I think it's a subconscious desire (understandably) to maintain their genetic offspring no matter their suffering, because It's some kind of primitive drive.

Obviously there is also motherly love with that, and it should be respected.

The only issue I really take with it is the fact that after they rescued him, he suffered severe brain damage, Which I get that's their job to 'rescue' him etc. with noble intentions.

But the whole problem is based on if somebody WANTS to LEAVE, LET THEM LEAVE. is it sad? Yes, of course.

Try to change their mind, fine. Try to Offer doubled supports, whatever you think might make them want to stay, fine.

But if they keep trying to leave/ctb, obviously whatever they feel is too much to bear, will probably remain the next year, in the next 10 years, etc. They know themselves better than anyone.
Only they can know for certain what they can or cannot endure.

After a certain point, it just becomes disrespectful to what THEY NEED and what they want for their own life.

And it isn't the others' LIFE... it was his RIGHT to decide for himself.

Granted, he was very young at 18, and I do understand it it is completely desirable to try to give him multiple chances to try and start over, etc. Of course. There's nothing wrong with that.

But Instead of a parent irrationally demanding that their adult son/daughter stay miserable so that they feel better knowing they are just technically alive (even though the poor guy was obviously miserable) IS selfish.

I'm not arguing with her justified pain as a heartbroken mother in mourning...

but I am arguing with her insistence that he stay alive no matter what.
That's what I have a problem with.

that would be like if I knew that my adult (i don't have one but for the sake of making a point) daughter who was 18 years old, but was so absolutely miserable going to a particular school, but I just wanted to force her to get an education even though it was causing her immense suffering, and let's say that it was either that school or no education at all.

So instead I just tell my (imaginary example) daughter that she just needs to keep pushing through and just tolerated because that way she'll have an education, completely against her wishes. Just so I can say but at least she's getting an education (alive)... no matter the cost to her happiness.

of course it's natural to try to help your child, keep them alive, that I'm sure most of us understand and sympathize. But after she saw he was going to remain in a vegetative state, where it took what, 8 or 9 months For him to even be able to barely blink to communicate?

What kind of quality of life is that for him?

It is very tragic, but she just extended his suffering by trying to force what was already basically over, as indicated by her son.

I'm sorry for her loss and I wish her the best. But if he never would have recovered, and after she saw he would never get better, while it is heartbreaking, is it really fair to him to ask him to stay alive as a vegetable for the rest of his life? Imagine how he felt just wanting it to be over and free, but he became imprisoned in an even worse situation?

Just so she can say well at least he still technically alive? & At what cost to add to his suffering?

Because at that point, it becomes all for her needs, for her hopes, for her pain, not his...

And I think that's the point that other people were trying to make, although maybe some of them were rude about it, I don't know.

It's like if somebody was in pain 24 hours a day and they really just wanted to go in peace, but you kept them alive because that way you don't miss them, etc. What about his needs? What about what he wanted?

After a certain point of trying, one has to respect HIS wishes for HIS OWN LIFE... which is his alone to decide.

The reverse could also have happened; it could've been her that was suffering from some medical problems, and she wanted euthanasia, but he insisted on keeping her alive for at least a couple more years so he wouldn't have to deal with the loss, at her expense and suffering. Forcing him to stay alive in a body that cannot function enough to give him even a semi-decent quality of life is horrendous.

I'm not saying it's easy, but people need to have the respect & ACCEPT that for those who need/want to leave this world and no longer suffer... their Wishes take the priority, not the other way around.

 

[Broken Chimera]

"Knowing I will never see him grow up, travel the world, get married, and have children is just heartbreaking."

You knew that when he became a vegetable. I'm sick of seeing that, people keeping people in that state of being, it's not even life anymore. He even said that he still wanted to die, but no. You needed that moral badge to feel better. It was never about him.

I couldn't do that to my children because ik how I would feel. Let me die. Because anything is better than that. Stuck in a bed shitting on myself. I'm just glad that he doesn't have to suffer anymore.

And ik it's off topic but it's interesting that everyone that didn't agree with them was labeled as a troll in the article. You don't have to be a troll to know that her son was miserable.

 

[TAW122]

I agree with the people who called his mother for being 'selfish' since it was all about how the mother felt and her own morality rather than her son's interests. Her son has been suffering immensely throughout his life, attempted (and failed) two years ago and then ended up in a worse state (physically and mentally). Then he was kept alive to suffer more and he even asked to be put out of his misery, suffering but his mother continued to keep him alive until just last year in March when he died from refusing treatment for an infection. I don't think that the people who called his mother 'selfish' were in the wrong as his interests and wishes (death and free of suffering) were being ignored.

He is no longer suffering and at peace now, but all the pain pre and post-attempt, especially after the attempt was just unnecessary as he would not objectively nor subjectively ever reach his goals and dreams in the state his body and mind were in. Many pro-lifers don't care about the suffering person, only their own feelings and interests, which is why they (including his mother) are selfish.

 

[voyager]

Good God, I'm glad he's dead. Thought he was still alive. I don't feel for that woman at all. She deserves all the hate she gets. Of course, it's a tragedy that it came to this and it's completely normal for a mother to love her child and prevent them from killing theirselves, but in this situation the mother actually brought back a zombie for her own benefit and pleasure. I don't care if she gave up work, modified the house or spent time on the floor watching TV with him. She might as well have tortured him to death, and quite honestly I'd hate this person if it had been me. If she had any decency she would have campaigned for euthanasia in the tabloids. It's also interesting how this story has changed all of a sudden. Now people who feel for him are sick trolls, his appearance has been cleaned up and she says that he'd "sometimes" blink twice when asked if he still wanted to die, whereas before he made no exceptions. What remains is not a tragic story about mental health, but what happens if you put your fate into the hands of others, even when it's your own mum.

Spoiler: Whats wrong with this person??

RIP, man. Finally.