Venting Useless new student here

[SleepingOrDead?]

New here, joined today after lurking here for a while. So here goes.

I'm a student, used to get great marks and be social and now since attending university I've been reduced to a weak pathetic shadow of what I could've been if it wasn't for my mental health issues.

I'm looking at repeating this year or going part time, which I can't afford the costs of. Benefits application never even got sent to me, and I'm too ill to reliably work. Every exam or assignment makes me cry or want to CTB and I'm so slow and behind all my peers. I'm only 21 but so much time and youth has been lost.

What's sad is that I want to stick around so badly. See mountains,walk in forests, actually hug my long distance partner, chase my dream career, travel. But being realistic, I will be unwell and unstable for the rest of my life.

Treatment? You betcha I've tried, years of counseling,therapy,medication, eating well etc. And I'm back in my bed not moving, eating, showering,socialising or working. Sobbing because of the productive life I so badly want has been taken from me. Crisis lines are useless, therapy at my uni has a huge waiting list. ADHD medication and diagnosis wait of two years (NHS) and my medication seems to not even touch my anxiety or depression.

I guess I only really have one option now. It's just such a shame. I really wanted to stay. I wanted to go into Biology, have a future like all my peers are having. But it doesn't really go that way if you're ill does it?

Any words of anything are appreciated.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it can be a dreadful feeling when things just get worse. I'm sorry you are going through this, life is just so unfair. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[bleeeeeep]

i'm in a very similar situation, taking a year out of studying due to my mental health and having to repeat the year i failed despite being used to doing well pre-university. though i will say there's absolutely nothing wrong with being 'slow' or taking longer to do things than other people, sometimes we just need a bit more time.

anyway, i understand how difficult it is, and i'm sending you all my best wishes whatever you decide to do. it's so hard having such a strong desire to keep on living but feeling so unable to carry on because of the incessant suffering. i really do hope things get better for you.

 

[greencondo]

This might not be news to you , but I didn't know and wish someone had told me...if you have an illness then you can work with the counselors to get extra time, etc.
And also can I say its impressive you got this far feeling as bad as you do. It's admirable that you have not given up so far.
Also from what I understand, you are not alone. Mental health for students has seem to have tanked. Hopefully that means you can find someone who is sympathetic or familiar with this.

 

[little helpers]

really sounds like my life, bro! biology, practically disabled, can't catch up anymore cuz mental health… but I'm a drop-out now. meh. that "meh" is for myself.

so you're still giving it a shot. in this case I'd say try get accommodation. I'm not sure how it really works and all. though ADHD would certainly qualify, I think. if you can afford to be on medical leave there's also that. take care.

 

[thereisthemist]

I am literally in the wait session of a semester exam right fucking now and I am losing my mind because I don't know how much longer I can hold on with my mental disabilities.
That being said I choose to keep going, so far at least, maybe just to see my true potential of "mental strength", like you imagine a simple guy trying to flex himself how strong he is. In this case, I "show off" to no one else, it's no more than an excuse to survive after all.
It maybe some good in keep venting and expressing your thoughts from time to time though. Life is fucked up I know, my personal take is to just fuck back.