Venting Urgghh i feel so sick

[Unreal_꒰ঌ♡໒꒱_Lover]

I feel so sick to my stomach.My family has always said that I would become something amazing and great since I've always gotten amazing grades all throughout my schools years from kindergarten all the way to college and now that I think about it, I don't believe it one bit, I cant hold down a single job, ive been just abandoning any work i have to to do in general like cleaning my living space I share with a friend, i cant even forget and let go of past things in my life like when I was molested when I was six or when I have attempted when I was 15(been years since I've done anything to hurt myself so I guess that's something??)but Im 18 now and just stuck in a horrible spot, I don't have any friends really that are close to me to where I have a best friend. I don't have a secure job, no amazing big house, a nice lover, or a handle on my own emotions and how I handle my past. I fucking hate this and I feel so sick to my core to the point I wanna die because of my suffering. The only reason I haven't tried anything is because I don't wanna ruin my friend's house and I don't wanna leave my kitties all alone since people around me have said that if I couldn't take care of them anymore they would either kill them or throw them on the streets. My dream can't even make me much money if I think about since I've tried writing and don't even have motivation to be consistent.

 

[Doctor Logan]

One of the things I worry about when I plan to ctb is what's going to happen to my cats too. Since I'm mostly the only one who takes care of them. I hate it when my family tells me your going to do great things. It puts a bunch of pressure on you and just makes you hate yourself. My mother used to do this all the time and it made me sick and resentful. It also gave me anxiety so now I find it extremely difficult to function and I feel like I'm just a big let down to my family. I hope you're able to get through it. I'm still trying to even if I do end up CTBing.I'm