hey!! i posted last night asking about some criticism for some lyrics i'm writing but since then i've rewritten a section :p
this is a song called "olive", i started writing it a little over 4 years ago but it's still far from being done
i'm happy with the instrumental i'm just struggling with the lyrics now lolsies
here's a 5 month old demo with "old" lyrics:
here are the new lyrics im considering:
where are we now?
can i find my own way?
unknown surrounds
what once was home will decay
gray fog enshrouds
blot out light from the day
searching, unfound
what is in the haze?
(i'm cutting the second verse)
hear the seconds ticking by
into minutes, hours
knowing i won't blossom, in this world so dour
oh, and as the days turn into weeks
time flies fast past me
i can't run, i'm weak, where are we?
where have we gone?
things feel different here
past homes were fraught
but now nothing seems clear
who have i been?
who am i destined to be?
when's will i know
the ones who've called themselves me?
watch the moments drain away
to eternity
fleeting warmth, decay perpetually
oh, and as the flame begins to wain
flickering in my eye
in the glow is there something to find?
oh, and as the light once bright will fade
leaving darkened sky
i can't see a star, but ill still try
oh, with shadows surrounding
i'm lost in the words deepest meaning
oh, but still
the melodies ring true
in all the sounds i still can hear you
(hear you, hear you)
(instrumental)
where will you be?
where am i meant to go?
could we still see
what once flickered in that glow?
caught in a wind
begging for it to slow
you're someone i've been
but are you someone i know?
is it true?
is all the sky dark blue?
is that something that i always knew?
or is there something i've not yet seen?
could i ever see an olive green?
all i ask is knowing where we are
even if you answer paths surrounding are still dark
i don't know if you're near or still far
can't you find it in your heart to tell me?
where are we now?
please give any and all criticism!!! i need as much feedback as i can get :)
if i were to CTB i'm sorta planning on this and a few other songs bundled as an album to be sort of my final "mark" left on the world so i need it to be as perfect as possible :) thank you!!!
this is a song called "olive", i started writing it a little over 4 years ago but it's still far from being done
i'm happy with the instrumental i'm just struggling with the lyrics now lolsies here's a 5 month old demo with "old" lyrics:
here are the new lyrics im considering:
where are we now?
can i find my own way?
unknown surrounds
what once was home will decay
gray fog enshrouds
blot out light from the day
searching, unfound
what is in the haze?
(i'm cutting the second verse)
hear the seconds ticking by
into minutes, hours
knowing i won't blossom, in this world so dour
oh, and as the days turn into weeks
time flies fast past me
i can't run, i'm weak, where are we?
where have we gone?
things feel different here
past homes were fraught
but now nothing seems clear
who have i been?
who am i destined to be?
when's will i know
the ones who've called themselves me?
watch the moments drain away
to eternity
fleeting warmth, decay perpetually
oh, and as the flame begins to wain
flickering in my eye
in the glow is there something to find?
oh, and as the light once bright will fade
leaving darkened sky
i can't see a star, but ill still try
oh, with shadows surrounding
i'm lost in the words deepest meaning
oh, but still
the melodies ring true
in all the sounds i still can hear you
(hear you, hear you)
(instrumental)
where will you be?
where am i meant to go?
could we still see
what once flickered in that glow?
caught in a wind
begging for it to slow
you're someone i've been
but are you someone i know?
is it true?
is all the sky dark blue?
is that something that i always knew?
or is there something i've not yet seen?
could i ever see an olive green?
all i ask is knowing where we are
even if you answer paths surrounding are still dark
i don't know if you're near or still far
can't you find it in your heart to tell me?
where are we now?
please give any and all criticism!!! i need as much feedback as i can get :)
if i were to CTB i'm sorta planning on this and a few other songs bundled as an album to be sort of my final "mark" left on the world so i need it to be as perfect as possible :) thank you!!!
