Up and down

[goodoldnoname923]

For a few hours I actually felt alive again,thoughts of blue barely bothered me

I was in a group chat with decent members and honestly it was really fun and comforting

I didn't feel alone for once…it was nice

Does this mean i want to continue? Now i wouldn't say that but it definitely makes me think about things

Do i need to man up more? I seem to take pride in being this fragile sensitive so and so but is that a good thing? Idk just guess some thoughts I'm having i guess

Will i go tonight? No that would literally be forcing it…will i feel like shit tomorrow? Most likely…but all the same it was a different experience

Is this supposed to be some last moments of happiness before I leave or is this supposed to be the start of a new chapter

 

[Unknown21]

This is a dilemma, but for me I find myself in this state when I engage in self-distraction, but after I finish I return to the original state. I consider it a state of temporary illusion.

 

[nightlygem]

Life is always going to be up and down. Words that have stuck with me when I have off days or even good days:
"You cannot appreciate the good days you have without knowing what it's like to go through a bad day."
It's been a bad life, it's been a bad few years, but I can't lie and say I haven't had a single good day in my entire life.
So, no I don't think it's your "last moments of happiness". I think it's just your gentle reminder that life isn't always going to suck.
Idk, you can choose to listen to some loser on the internet or not. Regardless, I want to attempt to instill hope into at least one person here.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

This is a dilemma, but for me I find myself in this state when I engage in self-distraction, but after I finish I return to the original state. I consider it a state of temporary illusion.

After sleeping on it (and this was something I predicted) it was just that a temporary illusion that i've now reverted to my own state it was interesting while it lasted and i took something from that state of bliss but ultimately my will to die hasn't changed much long term

Life is always going to be up and down. Words that have stuck with me when I have off days or even good days:
"You cannot appreciate the good days you have without knowing what it's like to go through a bad day."
It's been a bad life, it's been a bad few years, but I can't lie and say I haven't had a single good day in my entire life.
So, no I don't think it's your "last moments of happiness". I think it's just your gentle reminder that life isn't always going to suck.
Idk, you can choose to listen to some loser on the internet or not. Regardless, I want to attempt to instill hope into at least one person here.

The thing is there is part of me that seems some level of hope at a redemption of sorts…i just don't have the strength power or patience to get there

Plus the intensity of the pain from blue is painful on a level i could never express or explain…there is just any lack of a want to go on it scares me terrfies me…i've just lost the will to life and the ability to push forward did i ever have it…

 

[Ash]

Personally, I'd avoid thinking about it in terms of "manning up". That's just toxic. There's nothing manly about either carrying on or deciding to go through with suicide. Both are incredibly difficult and require different types of dedication, courage and self-awareness. Neither should be taken lightly. Sensitive isn't fragile and fragility isn't weakness. Step back from judgement and maybe try to be a bit more objective in your assessments - or at least leave room for a bit of objectivity.