unsure whether to break up before i cbt

[birdyy]

hi

i'm uhm really really new to this site, so forgive me if i'm still learning the lingo. i lurked for an hour or so and was so surprised and delighted at the wealth of resources. maybe i won't have to go through with my car exhaust thing, i didn't know there were so many more options

i've been in a relationship(long distance) for a few months now and i'm torn about whether to break up with her before i cbt. i'm a girl mid 20's bi and no ones ever wanted to be with me like that, so it's my first relationship so i don't want to let it go even though i don't want to hurt her. i love her and enjoy spending time with her and don't want to lose her in the time i have remaining but i'm not sure if that's just me being extremely selfish.

i'm also worried that if i end it, more people will be monitoring my emotional state and checking in and looking for red flags and that's literally the last thing i want right now but don't want to drag her into my exit plan

 

[stygal]

It depends on how concrete your ctb plans are, I think.

I can only speak from my experience and when I still was in a relationship it gave me some stability but only so much.
They couldn't have saved me.
So I planned on ending things in my last relationship half a year before I'd ctb....we actually broke up earlier due to other circumstances...but eventually my plan was to "release" them, cut all contact, make them forget me somehow.
No matter how painful that might be, my thoughts were: I like them too much to burden them with unanswered questions or even worse: guilt.
And just in case...I would have also left a letter explaining they had nothing to do with it.

I know many people here are in a relationship and there are probably different stances on this topic.

I hope you can find a solution that fits for your particular situation <3

 

[demuic]

I think you should enjoy the time you have left with her. I don't think it's selfish to not want to be alone.

What are your intentions with breaking up with her? Do you think breaking up with her will make it less painful if you CTB? I'm not so sure that will be the case - she'll have the pain of being broken up with, then finding out you about your CTB. I'm not trying to scare you out any choicing, just providing an another perspective.

Ultimately it's all up to you, I wish you luck.

 

[birdyy]

It depends on how concrete your ctb plans are, I think.

I can only speak from my experience and when I still was in a relationship it gave me some stability but only so much.
They couldn't have saved me.
So I planned on ending things in my last relationship half a year before I'd ctb....we actually broke up earlier due to other circumstances...but eventually my plan was to "release" them, cut all contact, make them forget me somehow.
No matter how painful that might be, my thoughts were: I like them too much to burden them with unanswered questions or even worse: guilt.
And just in case...I would have also left a letter explaining they had nothing to do with it.

I know many people here are in a relationship and there are probably different stances on this topic.

I hope you can find a solution that fits for your particular situation <3

my relationship provides no stability, mostly just anxiety. it also really opened my eyes to how much of a headcase i am, haha. i knew i was messy, but i didn't really understand how unfixable i was until i had to manage myself around another person.

she's perfect, really, but i've managed to convince myself she doesn't love me and i'm just convenient for her and no one will ever really prioritize me and i'll always be an easy time waster for someone

will think more on the note even if i do choose to end the relationship, if only to reassure her she had nothing to do with my decision

I think you should enjoy the time you have left with her. I don't think it's selfish to not want to be alone.

What are your intentions with breaking up with her? Do you think breaking up with her will make it less painful if you CTB? I'm not so sure that will be the case - she'll have the pain of being broken up with, then finding out you about your CTB. I'm not trying to scare you out any choicing, just providing an another perspective.

Ultimately it's all up to you, I wish you luck.

thank u. i want to break up with her to spare her the label of being someone who's girlfriend killed themselves. she's also a few years younger than me and i don't think she could handle receiving that news. i think an early breakup would suck, but would give her time to heal for a few months while i finalize my plans