Unsure of how to manage my affairs

[LogicalConclusion]

I had a plan, letters that I've been working on, had an idea of where I wanted stuff to go and have poked around to find possible homes for my pets. I was going to send a delayed e-mail to the police when I ctb but I fear that they will receive it immediately because of some kind of protocol. I also was going to send a delayed message to my best friend with a note and instructions. But now...I'm standing at the precipice of what could be losing that best friend that I've had for 10yrs. I've been out as trans since Nov '16 and been on testosterone for 2yrs. But he still misgenders me or doesn't at all. Whenever he's talking about me to someone else like if we're working out resources, I can see him struggle over pronouns and instead using my name. He doesn't want his parents to know that I'm trans because he thinks there will be an argument or something because they have always hated me. But they have seen me with facial hair and a deep voice so I really don't understand what the fuck he thinks is going on here. I feel like I need to confront him but I don't know...I don't really have anyone else here who can manage things. So...what do I do? I'm so lost. I just want a solid plan that will work and everything feels so up in the air with this stuff between my friend and me.

Anyone have suggestions? How are you going about things?

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're in distress. Can you talk with him about what's troubling you without it being a confrontation? or are you too upset for that?

What sorts of things do you need him to manage?

(((Hugs!)))

 

[LogicalConclusion]

I'm sorry you're in distress. Can you talk with him about what's troubling you without it being a confrontation? or are you too upset for that?

What sorts of things do you need him to manage?

(((Hugs!)))

I don't mean confrontation with intent for argument, but rather confronting him with the fact that I feel blatantly disrespected and like he's okay with repeatedly hurting me so long as he's comfortable. I'm worried that pointing out the elephant in the room is going to end badly no matter how I approach it.

He's on my lease as an emergency contact or whatever and I don't have anyone else here able to manage things. Family is 1k miles away (and I prefer it that way) and don't really care at all. I needed him to make sure things got distributed to the right people but pretty much everything was going to be left to him because I would've been homeless for years if not for him.

 

[Soul]

It's impossible to advise anything without knowing him and the dynamic of your relationship with him, but maybe a quiet steady stream of good old "I" statements when he upsets you - "I feel disrespected when I'm misgendered" - could help. His relationship with his parents is probably something you have to leave to him, but other than that steady calm reminders may get the point across?

Maybe too you could deal with some of the distribution of stuff before you exit? x

 

[blanketyblk]

Have you got a organized a will? I recently updated mine to cater for all the changes that have occurred to my situation over the last year. and gives me a piece of mind that everything that i wanted to go to specific groups will be done via administrator of my estate when i pass.

 

[LogicalConclusion]

@Soul Absolutely, I always go for "I" statements. His relationship with his parents is his business, but as long as he tries to keep up this pointless charade of me being cis, he is going to continue doing this. He seems to want to have it both ways, calling me she/her to his parents and then wondering why he can't gender me correctly around me. I don't think he sees me as a guy and just realizing that is soul-crushing and makes me want to hide under a rock and never come out.

@blanketyblk I don't have a will yet, no. Figured that it wouldn't count if I made it and then ctb shortly after :/

 

[Soul]

I understand that his ways of speaking about/to you are hurtful, and I'm sorry. When you say to him something like: "our friendship means the world to me, and I feel terrible when you misgender me", what does he say?

Your will is valid once you print it and sign it. Suicide doesn't invalidate it.

 

[LogicalConclusion]

I understand that his ways of speaking about/to you are hurtful, and I'm sorry. When you say to him something like: "our friendship means the world to me, and I feel terrible when you misgender me", what does he say?

Your will is valid once you print it and sign it. Suicide doesn't invalidate it.

I may have to try that, yeah...trying to figure out alternative people or some other way to do this in case everything ends badly with him...

Looked up info on making a will in my state and it's complicated and requires you to be "of sound body and mind" with two witness signatures who are also "of sound mind." So I don't think I would be able to get a legally recognized will before I ctb. It would probably end up with me committed. And I don't know two sane people anyway x)

 

[Soul]

All they mean by "sound mind" is that you're not gibbering, hallucinating and/or being coerced. But I understand your misgivings and am disgusted that they make it so complicated.

I hope you manage to clear the air with your friend. I wish there were some way we could help.

 

[LogicalConclusion]

Ah, maybe I'll look more into it...just have to be careful so I don't get noticed and committed.

Been thinking about it and I think the only way I'm going to be able to figure out what to do is by having that conversation with him...that would bring a lot more certainty about where things stand so I could figure out other options. This up in the air shit isn't working for me so well >.>; I'll keep y'all posted :)