Venting Unsure if I belong here

[borderline-feline]

When I started using this forum in December, I thought that this would be a place where I could commiserate with likeminded people and vent about why I want to die until I finally managed to stop being a coward and just catch the bus already. Now I'm not so sure that that's what this place really is. People keep coming to me and offering potential solutions for coping with my pain, even after I've explained ad nauseam that that's not what I need.

I ask for emotional validation because I feel like a bad person, but so much of what I get is just people trying to fix my issues without actually listening to me. I don't want solutions, and I don't want to get better. I figured that people here would understand, but I've even had to deal with an unhinged pro-lifer on this site harassing me and accusing me of not caring about my loved ones, all while telling me that they're trying to help.

I haven't even been here for 2 months, and I've already had so many issues of people blatantly ignoring what I say that I need in a thread, so many issues of people thinking that they know what's best for me, and so many issues of people making the assumption that I want to get better. If I wanted recovery or change, then I wouldn't be on a suicide forum in the first place.

Are things usually like this here? If so, then I may just leave this place since I can't handle a space that I thought was a safe place for me to talk about my problems instead having the toxicity that I came here to get away from. It's not the end of the world if this place isn't for me. On some level, I kind of deserve it for thinking that there was a place where I could actually fit in and not be alienated or isolated.

It hasn't been all bad, but it's so demoralizing and humiliating to have to defend myself against people who won't put in the bare minimum of reading what I say. I'm sorry if I misunderstood what this site is for.

 

[BrailleTogepi]

I'm here for the same reason you are. This place, if nowhere else, should be a safe place of validation for people who want to ctb and aren't looking to be convinced otherwise

 

[borderline-feline]

I'm here for the same reason you are. This place, if nowhere else, should be a safe place of validation for people who want to ctb and aren't looking to be convinced otherwise

Thank you! I really like your Togepi pfp by the way. I have a pretty strong affinity for fairy types

 

[jodes2]

You should make it explicit in a post at the top that you don't want any kind of positivity. Such people will then leave you alone. Attacking people like you did me just for offering advice will just result in arguments and hostility. Don't do that

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

You don't have to apologise, defend yourself, or engage with anybody here if you don't want to. We're all going to have a different idea of what this place is for, and why we're here.

I am suicidal myself, and deeply pro choice. I would probably offer advice or possible solutions on someone's post, but if that person does not want my advice or solutions, that's their right, and I would not push any further.

People are always going to have different opinions. If you don't like them, try not to let them weigh on you. I'm sure for the most part people here mean well.

Long story short, you are welcome here. As are the other people you mention. So long as nobody is hurting or harassing anyone, I think this is a pretty unique safe place for people on the edge. And if anyone is genuinely being horrible towards you, please raise it with a mod. You shouldn't have to put up with any abuse. Just try to understand that some people mean well, even if they do get it wrong!

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I agree that people should respect boundaries and not offer unsolicited advice. As a rule of thumb, we have the recovery section for those that wish to get better. Even despite that, there is a "advice flare" people can use on threads in this section if they want advice.

 

[borderline-feline]

You should make it explicit in a post at the top that you don't want any kind of positivity. Such people will then leave you alone. Attacking people like you did me just for offering advice will just result in arguments and hostility. Don't do that

I didn't attack anyone; that's what you did.

I made it abundantly clear what I wanted by tagging that thread as venting and not posting in the recovery section. You are the one who assumed that I wanted someone to tell me a bunch of things that aren't true, and then you attacked me for having the audacity to say that I know myself better than you do. You didn't listen to me when I said numerous times that what you were doing wasn't helping.

This is exactly why I made this thread. I just need to know if I should expect people to listen to me or not. I don't want people like you to just tell me things that most suicidal people would agree are just invalidating to my experiences. If you have an issue with that, then you can just leave me alone and keep your pro-life sentiments to yourself.

 

[jodes2]

I didn't attack anyone; that's what you did.

I made it abundantly clear what I wanted by tagging that thread as venting and not posting in the recovery section. You are the one who assumed that I wanted someone to tell me a bunch of things that aren't true, and then you attacked me for having the audacity to say that I know myself better than you do. You didn't listen to me when I said numerous times that what you were doing wasn't helping.

This is exactly why I made this thread. I just need to know if I should expect people to listen to me or not. I don't want people like you to just tell me things that most suicidal people would agree are just invalidating to my experiences. If you have an issue with that, then you can just leave me alone and keep your pro-life sentiments to yourself.

Tagging as venting does not make it clear what you wanted. You just aggressively attacked me. Don't call me pro-life while I help people to die. The fucking cheek. You don't know me. If you don't want any positivity you have to fucking say so explicitly. The vent tag just means you're fucking venting, it says nothing about being helplessly and vehemently obsessed with death

 

[borderline-feline]

I agree that people should respect boundaries and not offer unsolicited advice. As a rule of thumb, we have the recovery section for those that wish to get better. Even despite that, there is a "advice flare" people can use on threads in this section if they want advice.

I assumed that that was enough to communicate what I needed, but it doesn't seem to communicate it to everyone. I don't use the advice flair unless I actually want advice, preferring to opt for either the venting flair or no flair at all. It's just confusing and makes me feel like I'm not wanted here.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Just ignore what you don't want and keep what you need. I for one don't care if you kill yourself. That's what I plan on doing, too. If someone wants to change my mind, they can talk at me all they want. It won't make a difference and will just be falling on deaf ears.

 

[borderline-feline]

You don't have to apologise, defend yourself, or engage with anybody here if you don't want to. We're all going to have a different idea of what this place is for, and why we're here.

I am suicidal myself, and deeply pro choice. I would probably offer advice or possible solutions on someone's post, but if that person does not want my advice or solutions, that's their right, and I would not push any further.

People are always going to have different opinions. If you don't like them, try not to let them weigh on you. I'm sure for the most part people here mean well.

Long story short, you are welcome here. As are the other people you mention. So long as nobody is hurting or harassing anyone, I think this is a pretty unique safe place for people on the edge. And if anyone is genuinely being horrible towards you, please raise it with a mod. You shouldn't have to put up with any abuse. Just try to understand that some people mean well, even if they do get it wrong!

It's less about people having differing opinions and more about how they express those opinions and attempt to force them onto me, only to call me irrational when I ask them to stop.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I assumed that that was enough to communicate what I needed, but it doesn't seem to communicate it to everyone. I don't use the advice flair unless I actually want advice, preferring to opt for either the venting flair or no flair at all. It's just confusing and makes me feel like I'm not wanted here.

Its not that you're not wanted here, its just that people want to play hero for whatever reason it might be.

 

[borderline-feline]

Tagging as venting does not make it clear what you wanted. You just aggressively attacked me. Don't call me pro-life while I help people to die. The fucking cheek. You don't know me

Venting, by definition, is just letting things out of your system in search of emotional validation. Tagging the thread as venting SHOULD make it clear what I want, especially after I clarify. Venting does not mean that I want someone to tell me things like "you're not worthless", "you're irrational", and most insulting of all "if you want to throw your life away and harm those close to you without giving it an ounce of reflection, I guess there's nothing I can do".

I didn't get even remotely aggressive until after you directly insulted me. Telling you that something you said made me uncomfortable isn't an attack; telling me that I don't care about my loved ones IS an attack.

If you don't want to be called "pro-life", then don't tell me the exact same things that I hear from pro-lifers ad nauseam. I made this post because I feel unwelcome, and you're just continuously making me feel even more unwelcome.

I didn't mention you specifically because I didn't want to start a fight. All I wanted was input from other people on the forum about whether or not I should leave. If you have a problem with me, then please just leave me alone instead of misrepresenting what happened.

 

[western_heart]

idk, this is a forum, not a blogging site- not all responses will be validating, assume others will read threads with the assumption being that what was written is up for discussion. Sometimes you might get replies you don't like or agree with, it's happened to me before. It's probably best to not engage with such posts at all. If anyone's repeatedly bothering you, ignore them.

 

[jodes2]

You were aggressive right away after my well intentioned post. Look back and do some reflection. I again gave you advice regarding what you said and you turned it into an attack. Look back.

 

[borderline-feline]

idk, this is a forum, not a blogging site- not all responses will be validating, assume others will read threads with the assumption being that what was written is up for discussion. Sometimes you might get replies you don't like or agree with, it's happened to me before. It's probably best to not engage with such posts at all. If anyone's repeatedly bothering you, ignore them.

I understand that. I made this thread to ask if I should expect much more of people not listening to me. It's not a matter of people disagreeing with me; it's a matter of people not paying attention to what I say and then insulting me and misrepresenting what I say. To my knowledge, proselytizing is against the rules here, but I've had to deal with that as well. I'm not always the best at communicating, but I think I've been pretty clear in my posts.

 

[CTB Dream]

Hi
if want tslk prob here v understand hug

 

[SexyIncél]

I ask for emotional validation because I feel like a bad person, but so much of what I get is just people trying to fix my issues without actually listening to me. I don't want solutions, and I don't want to get better. I figured that people here would understand, but I've even had to deal with an unhinged pro-lifer on this site harassing me and accusing me of not caring about my loved ones, all while telling me that they're trying to help.

I'm sorry to hear that. When I came here in August, it was a great place where people took your suicidal desires seriously. A sanctuary where you could feel positive about suicide, maybe a little excited for once. (Standing on the cusp of nonexistence is... something!)

Away from the Negative Nellies shoving their pretend-positivity in your face, with their tedious platitudes

You were aggressive right away after my well intentioned post. Look back and do some reflection. I again gave you advice regarding what you said and you turned it into an attack. Look back.

Huh! Another thread where you're fighting the original poster! Under the guise of "positivity" and Good Intentions

 

[borderline-feline]

You were aggressive right away after my well intentioned post. Look back and do some reflection. I again gave you advice regarding what you said and you turned it into an attack. Look back.

Right after your "well-intentioned post", I said the following:

"I do see a psychiatrist, but I'm extremely hesitant to talk to him about this stuff, because one of two things will happen.
1. He won't take it seriously and will minimize the problem. (this is what I'd do if someone came to me with the same problem)
Or 2. He'll take it TOO seriously and have me committed to a psychiatric ward.

I don't want to come to terms with what happened. I want to know how to not be so impacted by the emotions that I have. As I said, I don't want to lose any of the sadness or anger that I feel over this, because it would feel like betraying the character in question. I know I sound completely detached from reality saying this, but I can't exactly help it.

As for your suggestion, I can't write or draw. I also have zero creativity. I'm just a pitiable insect, a worthless protoplasm. I can't do anything right, and even trying to be creative causes me further pain because I will never be creative."

None of that was even remotely aggressive. The first aggressive thing I said was as follows:

"You're just being a condescending douchebag who thinks that proselytizing with toxic clichés is acceptable"

That wasn't until my 6th response to you.

Again, if you have a problem with me, then please just leave me alone.

 

[jodes2]

I'm sorry to hear that. When I came here in August, it was a great place where people took your suicidal desires seriously. A sanctuary where you could feel positive about suicide, maybe a little excited for once. (Standing on the cusp of nonexistence is... something!)

Away from the Negative Nellies shoving their pretend-positivity in your face, with their tedious platitudes



Huh! Another thread where you're fighting the original poster! Under the guise of "positivity" and Good Intentions

I don't start.

 

[western_heart]

it's a matter of people not paying attention to what I say and then insulting me and misrepresenting what I say

sorry, I wrote my response before realizing some of the specifics. I highly recommend you use the site's ignore feature. you won't get notified for replies from ignored users and won't see them in threads, and if you don't reply to their replies, they will probably stop engaging.

 

[borderline-feline]

sorry, I wrote my response before realizing some of the specifics. I highly recommend you use the site's ignore feature. you won't get notified for replies from ignored users and won't see them in threads, and if you don't reply to their replies, they will probably stop engaging.

You don't need to apologize. Thank you for the advice! I'm not the most experienced with forums, so that helps a lot.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I see both sides of this argument to some degree. But I would ask you both, what is this argument achieving? Seems to me like there's no benefit in having it whatsoever.

Probably just best to accept that you two are in two different headspaces and won't see eye to eye on the topic. So maybe just best to leave each other be?

There's a user on here I won't name, but I know for a fact has such a different mindset to me that we'll never agree, and at one point I rose to it and did a bit of arguing myself. I'm only human, I made a mistake doing that. Now when I see their posts, I just leave them be. We're all hurting here, no need to pour fuel on the fire when we could be supporting each other as well. And sometimes you can be supportive through silence, I think.

sorry, I wrote my response before realizing some of the specifics. I highly recommend you use the site's ignore feature. you won't get notified for replies from ignored users and won't see them in threads, and if you don't reply to their replies, they will probably stop engaging.

Or just that actually. That would be much simpler. I really overthought that one!

 

[Kalista]

I didn't attack anyone; that's what you did.

I made it abundantly clear what I wanted by tagging that thread as venting and not posting in the recovery section. You are the one who assumed that I wanted someone to tell me a bunch of things that aren't true, and then you attacked me for having the audacity to say that I know myself better than you do. You didn't listen to me when I said numerous times that what you were doing wasn't helping.

This is exactly why I made this thread. I just need to know if I should expect people to listen to me or not. I don't want people like you to just tell me things that most suicidal people would agree are just invalidating to my experiences. If you have an issue with that, then you can just leave me alone and keep your pro-life sentiments to yourself.

Why are people even trying to help others "in a positive way" who are posting in the Suicide Discussion category, when there's a completely separate category for people wanting to recover? Isn't that a pretty clear distinction? It's like someone is trying to sneak in an advice to hopefully turn some minds around when that's not what they wanted in the first place.

 

[borderline-feline]

Why are people even trying to help others "in a positive way" who are posting in the Suicide Discussion category, when there's a completely separate category for people wanting to recover? Isn't that a pretty clear distinction? It's like someone is trying to sneak in an advice to hopefully turn some minds around when that's not what they wanted in the first place.

I guess, to play devil's advocate, I did make a post in the recovery section. I have borderline personality disorder, so I have pretty abrupt mood swings, and I'd just gotten breast augmentation (I'm a trans woman), so I felt on top of the world for a while. I think that that might have possibly contributed to the situation.

EDIT: I should clarify that the thread where the clashing happened was posted in the Suicide Discussion category.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Why are people even trying to help others "in a positive way" who are posting in the Suicide Discussion category, when there's a completely separate category for people wanting to recover? Isn't that a pretty clear distinction? It's like someone is trying to sneak in an advice to hopefully turn some minds around when that's not what they wanted in the first place.

Because sometimes people can actually be helped and things can turn around. There's nothing malicious about wanting to help someone or offering advice. If they don't want it, then respect it and withdraw, don't force an opinion. It's pretty simple.

This place is what it is, and it's a rare and valuable place in that respect. But I would ask you, what's so wrong about wanting to help someone if you can. Would you prefer everyone here to just die? What if it really was a momentary thing and they could have gotten better? That does happen. I've been there in my life.

I'm not looking for an argument in any way. If our opinions differ, that's fine. To me, this is a pro choice forum and suicide should be the final option, never the first. Otherwise we're not really a safe place. We'd be a cult, and I for one would want no part in that.

In any case, as always. I genuinely wish you all the best. Whoever may be reading this

 

[SamTam33]

You should make it explicit in a post at the top that you don't want any kind of positivity. Such people will then leave you alone. Attacking people like you did me just for offering advice will just result in arguments and hostility. Don't do that

We shouldn't have to preface each and every post with instructions.

Why can't you assume your advice is not wanted? That's the logical first step.

 

[jodes2]

We shouldn't have to preface each and every post with instructions.

Why can't you assume your advice is not wanted? That's the logical first step.

That's ridiculous. Utterly baffling. This is supposed to be a supportive community.

 

[SamTam33]

That's ridiculous. Utterly baffling. This is supposed to be a supportive community.

But your "support" is bordering on harassment.

This isn't the first, second or third time someone has been put off by your particular brand of "support."

 

[jodes2]

But your "support" is bordering on harassment.

This isn't the first, second or third time someone has been put off by your particular brand of "support."

It's not my fault some people refuse any forms of positivity. I'm not gonna become a cultist pro-death fanatic in this echochamber some of you have made yourselves comfortable. Face facts, this is a pro-choice community. Get used to it. I was fucking attacked first. Every time by you god damned ungrateful cultists. You cultists should all be ashamed of yourself for aggressively trying to silence good people