Unreally realistic dream

[Laststop]

It's been months since I lost my job, and my life I had that went with it. I've done everything I could to keep going, financially, and physically. I'm starting a new job soon. It doesn't make much, but it'll be enough to get by. Up until I landed it I became more and more sure the time was coming to catch the bus. I don't know if it still won't be soon. The last two jobs I've had since then haven't worked out. Lately it's been more and more real to me. I've taken small steps towards it, and planned it out in detail. Shotgun in the mouth is my method. I have the gun already. A couple days before I found out I got the job I was talking to a family member who has been through the same stuff I had been through. She knows all the stuff no one else does. All the things I can't tell other people, because I don't want to burden them, or just know they don't want to hear it. I don't talk to her much. When we do talk it all comes out. After the call I was really down. REALLY down. I thought about "it" again. But this time I focused on how I imagine it would be. How I thought it would maybe feel, and how everything would go "out" before I had time to suffer much. Well, last night I was dreaming very vividly. And right at the last part before I woke up (probably why I woke up when I dreamed it) I actually acted the whole thing out. And it seemed SO REAL! It was a play on how I imagined it, but it my dreaming state it was so much more real. I put the barrel in my mouth, carefully pointed it where I thought in the waking world it would work best, pulled the trigger, and I "felt" it for just half a second. And, the craziest part of all, for the first time in my life that I can remember, I dreamed I was dying. I went from feeling the shot for a moment, to what I though I would experience just after...with the life leaving me, to all of a sudden waking up. And I can't even begin to tell you how I felt. I thought I was going to die, and then realized it was all a dream. It was the most surreal waking up from a dream of my life.

 

[samsrt96]

I've only had one dream about killing myself but I remember it so vividly. I traveled down to the city where my ex lives, got a hotel room and overdosed on tablets.

Not how I'm planning on doing it as most people survive overdose attempts, but the realism of that dream was almost scary.

 

[Laststop]

I've only had one dream about killing myself but I remember it so vividly. I traveled down to the city where my ex lives, got a hotel room and overdosed on tablets.

Not how I'm planning on doing it as most people survive overdose attempts, but the realism of that dream was almost scary.

It seems like a lot of people here are going for meds as their method. I too don't see that as a great option due to hearing about the high survival rate. Don't get me wrong. Most people here are very thoughtful about it, and have carefully planned it all out. I haven't seen any of the types that just swallow whatever they can get their hands on, and expect it to work like in the movies. Or, they haven't described it as their plan. And yes, it is a scary dream. I fall into the category of people who say they don't really want to die, but rather want this the life I'm suffering to end.