Story Unlovable

[hypn0s]

I've never felt loved, not by my family or by anyone else. My father is an abusive toxic narcissist whose life revolves around making money and portraying himself as a victim. He thinks he can treat me like trash and bully me because he has money. I know what he says isn't true, I know i'm not worthless but sometimes I wish I wasn't so broken.

I've only truly cared about 1 person in my life. He was perfection, all I could ever ask for compounded into one soul. We both felt very deeply about each other, unseparable. It felt like heaven, like we understood each other on a spiritual level. I remember one time i gazed into his eyes for a few moments and something suddenly clicked... I experienced a mystical elation, a wave of bliss came rushing over me and took my words away. It felt magical, like fairy dust, like childhood wonder. I'm still chasing that feeling to this day.

Unfortunately, he couldn't come to terms with his inner nature; I awakened feelings in him that should have stayed dormant. He got scared, he broke it off and found a girlfriend a month after we kissed. Never wanted to give me any closure, It just came to a sudden end. It's been a year, he's still with her, happy, moved on. Meanwhile I'm still stuck in the cold abyss, I still haven't accepted that the love of my life slipped away from me forever. I feel broken, I'm not the same person I used to be. I lost contact with all of my friends, I don't need superficial friendships anymore, it's not fulfilling. I've been laying in my bed all day, shades closed, since March of 2021. Sleep is my only liberation from this perpetual cycle of misery i'm stuck in. I don't have anything to look forward to, I feel like the ultimate loser. The only person I ever dared to be vulnerable around and give my heart to has rejected and abandoned me. I just wanted to make him happy. Now I see that nobody cares about me, nobody wants my love.

 

[cyanlove]

It's tough feeling stuck while the person you love has moved on.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be painful going through that, when we lose someone close to us it can be devastating. I know that when things get worse it can be a dreadful feeling. I'm sorry you are going through this, this life can be very depressing. I wish you the best.

 

[hypn0s]

I can imagine it must be painful going through that, when we lose someone close to us it can be devastating. I know that when things get worse it can be a dreadful feeling. I'm sorry you are going through this, this life can be very depressing. I wish you the best.

It's extremely painful, i don't wish it upon anyone. He was my best friend, I wish I could have just left it at that but, unfortunataly, I wanted something deeper and destroyed our friendship.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I find so many similarities to my own situation, I had 3 people that were very special to me; one best friend that I was an idiot and left him because I had doubts, another best friend that suddenly left and still don't know to this day what happened, a friend who did ctb.

Anyways, I know the feelling when you think you have found that person that you simply click with, that you think you are spiritual twins, that you have a special bond with, that makes your life a little more bearable and you feel safe because of that person. And then, out of a sudden, they go. Whether by voluntary decision, whether because of outside factors. And this is one of the things that hurt the most in this life. The pain can't be described in words. You feel as if something that completed you has been taken. The hours of crying and suffering over and over again because of this can't be put into words.

I'm very sorry that you had to deal with this. It's awful that we were brought into this world against our will to suffer such tremendous heartbreak and not only. Wish I could've said something useful but I myself don't know how to deal with this.

Know that you're not alone in this. Sending big hugs.