Unknown childhood abuse and missing my mom...

[Life_and_Death]

I...I dont know everything ive been through... maybe i do, but it doesnt feel like. theres certain times where i can say for certain "oh, my brain is making that up, it didnt happen" but there are other times....i....i dont know.. but i know what ive been told...
she would leave me with people as a baby....god knows what they did to me... we were living with a convicted child r** for a while (before the conviction)....i spent most of my life neglected...and god knows what happened to me during the neglect. i use to think it was nothing but at the same time ive always felt that i dont feel the mental problems i have equate to what ive been through. was it that bad? was there things i dont remember? i had too much knowledge of s3x at a young age....like single digits and i was more aware of my parents than i should have been...where did things like that come from?

and yet...despite the bullshit shes put me through....i still miss my mom...i still want to talk to her..i havent talked to her since shortly after my 16th birthday... i want someone to talk to the girl things about...i want someone to hangout with...i want someone to love me....im the daughter anyone would want...i never would have done the teenage thing and rejected you... but you just used me...like its somehow my fault you fucked up at 18...like somehow its my fault im not his..... i loved you.....but.......

i miss....what a mom is suppose to be.....

 

[Malaria]

I relate to some of the things you're saying. I'm sorry you're going through this pain.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I Want A Mom That Lasts Forever by Cyndi Lauper



I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom to make it all better
I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom who love me whatever
I want a mom to take my hand
and make me feel like a holiday
A mom to tuck me in at night
And chase the monsters away
I want a mom to read me stories
and sing a lullaby
And if I have a bad dream, to hold me when I cry
Oh, I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom to make it all better
I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom that will love me whatever, forever
And when she says to me that she'll always be there
To watch and protect me, I don't have to be scared
O, and when she says I will always love you,
I want need to worry cause i'll know that it's true
I want a mom when I get lonely, to take the time to play
A mom who can be a friend and find a rainbow when it gray
I want a mom to read me stories and sing a lullaby
And if I find a bad dream, to hold me when I cry
I want a mom
I want a mom
I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom
I want a mom
I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom
I want a mom that will last forever

 

[theboy]

you can still change for the better and be the girl you always wanted to be, even if it sounds cliché.