Venting Universe is stopping me CTB I swear

[hevlalab]

I never normally post venting messages on here but in this case I must. Pissed off would be an understatement. I purchased SN 2 weeks ago and it arrived yesterday only for it to be refused by my mother. Now it's being sent back to the sender which will take weeks and even more weeks for them to send it back to me!! Today my diazepam arrived through the letterbox but my dad confiscated it. He works 6 days a week and is usually off on Saturdays. Today is Thursday. He is never off on Thursdays. Why's he off today and why did the diazepam have to come today?!? I tried to order diazepam again from the online pharmacy I bought it from but my order was refused and said I have to wait 10 days till I can order it again.

I feel like the universe is doing everything it can to prevent my CTB. Why must I prolong this pain and suffering?!?? Before I found out about SN I was going to hang myself in the garage but chickened out. I left my rope there and the next day my dad found it and now has locked the garage door and hidden the keys from me. I tried searching for it for days but eventually gave up as I realised i didn't want my family's last memory of me is my lifeless body swinging. So I opted for the SN method. But even that is difficult as I can't even get packages delivered to my home in my name without my parents opening it first. They're on high suicide watch.

I appreciate my parents for caring about me and wanting to prevent my ctb but I've made up my mind. I'm not changing it. I will ctb one way or another because it's come to the point where I cannot and will not endure it anymore. Even if they find me hanging on the shower rail in the bathroom or splatted on the ground from jumping off a building. It'll be on their hands that that is the kind of death I'll have to have seeing as they've taken the only accessible and less traumatising death for me!! - MY SN and diazepam.

Thank you for listening to my T.E.D talk

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just so inhumane to me trying to make suicide as difficult as possible, it must be so horrible having your SN taken away like that, I believe that they shouldn't have any right to do that as it's not their life after all. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[sserafim]

I never normally post venting messages on here but in this case I must. Pissed off would be an understatement. I purchased SN 2 weeks ago and it arrived yesterday only for it to be refused by my mother. Now it's being sent back to the sender which will take weeks and even more weeks for them to send it back to me!! Today my diazepam arrived through the letterbox but my dad confiscated it. He works 6 days a week and is usually off on Saturdays. Today is Thursday. He is never off on Thursdays. Why's he off today and why did the diazepam have to come today?!? I tried to order diazepam again from the online pharmacy I bought it from but my order was refused and said I have to wait 10 days till I can order it again.

I feel like the universe is doing everything it can to prevent my CTB. Why must I prolong this pain and suffering?!?? Before I found out about SN I was going to hang myself in the garage but chickened out. I left my rope there and the next day my dad found it and now has locked the garage door and hidden the keys from me. I tried searching for it for days but eventually gave up as I realised i didn't want my family's last memory of me is my lifeless body swinging. So I opted for the SN method. But even that is difficult as I can't even get packages delivered to my home in my name without my parents opening it first. They're on high suicide watch.

I appreciate my parents for caring about me and wanting to prevent my ctb but I've made up my mind. I'm not changing it. I will ctb one way or another because it's come to the point where I cannot and will not endure it anymore. Even if they find me hanging on the shower rail in the bathroom or splatted on the ground from jumping off a building. It'll be on their hands that that is the kind of death I'll have to have seeing as they've taken the only accessible and less traumatising death for me!! - MY SN and diazepam.

Thank you for listening to my T.E.D talk

Maybe the universe knows it's not your time yet? Or maybe it's a sign or something to not do it? Idk.

 

[avaruus]

That sucks, I thought only I had this kind of bad luck, so at least you're not alone. :P

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Well, seems like the universe wants the opposite for me since I got my sn without a fuss and without anyone seeing the package since i bought it and the chemical company itself sent a delivery van with their branding on it but i didn't even know they were coming that day but i got it, managed to get benzos and meto effortlessly from two different doctors 2 weeks apart and got a scale as well. Hopefully, it won't stop there and I ctb successfully. Still, no one knows I have the meds or SN, no one's even asked what I bought or even bothered to care much and left me to it without suspecting a thing.

The crazy thing about the getting the AEs is that I didn't specifically ask the doctor for Meto but he gave me Meto even though I'd get some otc medicine but I got exactly what I wanted.

Also OP, you didn't make things easy for yourself by leaving that rope behind so since then, you've earned their suspicion for anything you do after that.

 

[hevlalab]

It's just so inhumane to me trying to make suicide as difficult as possible, it must be so horrible having your SN taken away like that, I believe that they shouldn't have any right to do that as it's not their life after all. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

I undoubtedly agree. We all as individuals have a right to do what we want with our lives, the lengths that people and laws go to prevent suicide is cruel. Existing and suffering is cruel. Thanks for the reply.

Maybe the universe knows it's not your time yet? Or maybe it's a sign or something to not do it? Idk.

Maybe, maybe not. I've always been superstitious with these things. But I'm a stubborn person so I will ctb whether the universe likes it or not. I've had enough of it lol. Thanks for the reply.

That sucks, I thought only I had this kind of bad luck, so at least you're not alone. :P

Glad we're in this together :)

Well, seems like the universe wants the opposite for me since I got my sn without a fuss and without anyone seeing the package since i bought it and the chemical company itself sent a delivery van with their branding on it but i didn't even know they were coming that day but i got it, managed to get benzos and meto effortlessly from two different doctors 2 weeks apart and got a scale as well. Hopefully, it won't stop there and I ctb successfully. Still, no one knows I have the meds or SN, no one's even asked what I bought or even bothered to care much and left me to it without suspecting a thing.

The crazy thing about the getting the AEs is that I didn't specifically ask the doctor for Meto but he gave me Meto even though I'd get some otc medicine but I got exactly what I wanted.

Also OP, you didn't make things easy for yourself by leaving that rope behind so since then, you've earned their suspicion for anything you do after that.

The universe is kind to you in that respect, you're definitely one of the luckier ones of us here to have gotten things so easily!! I'm jealous. Also yes I know, I left the rope there in hopes that I would try again the next day but sadly got caught out. I can't even be left alone in the house after that. Silly me

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

Well, seems like the universe wants the opposite for me since I got my sn without a fuss and without anyone seeing the package since i bought it and the chemical company itself sent a delivery van with their branding on it but i didn't even know they were coming that day but i got it, managed to get benzos and meto effortlessly from two different doctors 2 weeks apart and got a scale as well. Hopefully, it won't stop there and I ctb successfully. Still, no one knows I have the meds or SN, no one's even asked what I bought or even bothered to care much and left me to it without suspecting a thing.

The crazy thing about the getting the AEs is that I didn't specifically ask the doctor for Meto but he gave me Meto even though I'd get some otc medicine but I got exactly what I wanted.

Also OP, you didn't make things easy for yourself by leaving that rope behind so since then, you've earned their suspicion for anything you do after that.

What does meto stand for?

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

What does meto stand for?

It stands for Metoclopramide. It's an antiemetic stomach medication to prevent nausea and vomiting.

 

[steppenwolf]

I never normally post venting messages on here but in this case I must. Pissed off would be an understatement. I purchased SN 2 weeks ago and it arrived yesterday only for it to be refused by my mother. Now it's being sent back to the sender which will take weeks and even more weeks for them to send it back to me!! Today my diazepam arrived through the letterbox but my dad confiscated it. He works 6 days a week and is usually off on Saturdays. Today is Thursday. He is never off on Thursdays. Why's he off today and why did the diazepam have to come today?!? I tried to order diazepam again from the online pharmacy I bought it from but my order was refused and said I have to wait 10 days till I can order it again.

I feel like the universe is doing everything it can to prevent my CTB. Why must I prolong this pain and suffering?!?? Before I found out about SN I was going to hang myself in the garage but chickened out. I left my rope there and the next day my dad found it and now has locked the garage door and hidden the keys from me. I tried searching for it for days but eventually gave up as I realised i didn't want my family's last memory of me is my lifeless body swinging. So I opted for the SN method. But even that is difficult as I can't even get packages delivered to my home in my name without my parents opening it first. They're on high suicide watch.

I appreciate my parents for caring about me and wanting to prevent my ctb but I've made up my mind. I'm not changing it. I will ctb one way or another because it's come to the point where I cannot and will not endure it anymore. Even if they find me hanging on the shower rail in the bathroom or splatted on the ground from jumping off a building. It'll be on their hands that that is the kind of death I'll have to have seeing as they've taken the only accessible and less traumatising death for me!! - MY SN and diazepam.

Thank you for listening to my T.E.D talk

You need to move into your own place, kid.

I feel you; HM Customs intercepted my order of Cuban cigars and sent me a £240 tobacco import tax bill after six weeks. When I refused to pay it I had to wait another six weeks for them to send my cigars back to my man in Switzerland, who took a £40 'restocking fee' out of my refund.

Could you pm me with your diazepam supplier please? Is that allowed?