Discussion Unforgivable

[JustendinIt]

Have you had a violent/bad history? Does that history precede you so? I have done things I don't care to mention here. But I stopped many years ago. Yet the past has resurfaced and now i'm shunned by all my friends and family. Is this one of the reasons you are here? Have you done something that many consider to be truly irredeemable?

 

[Nymph]

I think people can change but it takes patience and time. But I also think that some people have done such heinous crimes that they only deserve to rot in jail for the rest of their life, cause death is honestly the easy way out. Because some people caused trauma and ruined so many lifes so i think it makes sense that they now have to suffer for what they had done. (For ex. serial rapist, serial killer, evil cooperations) those are extreme cases tho. Usually I'd agree that people can change and b better, it takes a lot of strength and a strong will.

 

[selesco]

There is a lot of circumstances when it comes to that? Is everyone ready to die together? Otherwise, no. It's easy to manipulate people who don't cooperate.

 

[Passerby]

I was sectioned at a mental hospital when i was 15 years old, i was just a lost scared kid, being sectioned with adults, forcefully injected, padded room, i was held for a few months then after that i served numerous prison sentences in young offenders prisons when i was 15-20 years old for gang against gang violence, i was part of a street gang by London, when i think about it now, i am embarrassed, sad, regretful, remorseful.

Now i hate the thought of violence.

Maybe it's karma, because i am now 29 and a different kind of fucked up mentally.

 

[socrates]

I was sectioned at a mental hospital when i was 15 years old, i was just a lost scared kid, being sectioned with adults, forcefully injected, padded room, i was held for a few months then after that i served numerous prison sentences in young offenders prisons when i was 15-20 years old for gang against gang violence, i was part of a street gang by London, when i think about it now, i am embarrassed, sad, regretful, remorseful.

Now i hate the thought of violence.

Maybe it's karma, because i am now 29 and a different kind of fucked up mentally.

What they do to people in many off these mental "hospitals" is just inhumane. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but it's amazing that you were able to turn your life around. You should be proud of your self, not a lot of people are able to do that!

 

[memataporfavor]

I think ppl can change but only if they want to and if they have empathy and r able to recognize and understand truly the damage they've caused. If you're an empathic being that has caused harm, your guilt is probably going 2 eat u up nd that's a punishment (sometimes not enough, but it is part of it)

I think people can change but it takes patience and time. But I also think that some people have done such heinous crimes that they only deserve to rot in jail for the rest of their life, cause death is honestly the easy way out. Because some people caused trauma and ruined so many lifes so i think it makes sense that they now have to suffer for what they had done. (For ex. serial rapist, serial killer, evil cooperations) those are extreme cases tho. Usually I'd agree that people can change and b better, it takes a lot of strength and a strong will.

exactly!!! death is an easy way out when it comes 2 serial criminals! like that epstein guy who killed himself to escape the prison nd other penalties of his crimes! he was an asshole even dying!

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

if people have the capacity to hate and do harm, then they also have the capacity to love and do good. i think the reason why so many people don't change, however, is because in order to change you must first admit that you were wrong.

 

[Blue LIPS]

I was sectioned at a mental hospital when i was 15 years old, i was just a lost scared kid, being sectioned with adults, forcefully injected, padded room, i was held for a few months then after that i served numerous prison sentences in young offenders prisons when i was 15-20 years old for gang against gang violence, i was part of a street gang by London, when i think about it now, i am embarrassed, sad, regretful, remorseful.

Now i hate the thought of violence.

Maybe it's karma, because i am now 29 and a different kind of fucked up mentally.

I can resonate with this for sure. Not a gang (well, technically?). I basically just had no shame, would air out my shit so people couldn't really say much, cared about personal gain, manipulated people and hid as a wolf in sheep's clothing just looking for "a reason". I've probably ruined relationships and caused some family division, but I didn't have my own anymore and I suppose just felt like the world was against me, so fuck it right?

I have some of my own reasons for some things done that I agree with, but the level I'm ready to take it to is extreme I have seen and maybe was a good choice in my opinion that someone may just blow me away one day for my actions. Instead, I just hide from the world now feeling guilty because it's for the best. My BPD/PTSD doesn't help for sure, once that train gets going, idk I just have to be the "winner" and show that to ME, I had nothing to lose. Some past people are living their best life now, most likely because I'm out of it, proving I am a terrible person to myself.

What would you call it if you felt like you just HAD to go cuss someone out for something minor (not to me though), to the point where you have to leave to avoid it or worse. It'll build and build and my mind will find more reason and convince me that I am in the right, teaching a lesson of "there are some people that you don't fuck with"... always speculating assumptions, going for "low blows", untouchable, cold hearted. For my fiancé though, I'm her protector and would die for her to show my love/loyalty and to rid myself of this world; to me... she is untouchable and I care for her, but why can't I feel that for not many other people? Hell, one of her "best friends", she was fine with, until I used my "skills" to gather information to show why she's a POS, show examples constantly like "you were friends with this bitch???" "Her reply shows she doesn't give a fuck about you". She agrees with it, but why did I have to show her that people suck and they're everywhere... fuck em and look out for YOU. Could not be invited when someone else was and I'll start going through her posts to gather a "mindset" her friend is in, put myself in her shoes, think why am I doing this behavior?? (as her friend) and make an assumption usually... sad thing is, I'm usually right, but I just like open honesty and can label her friend as a POS when another person would just be like "okay that's fine" probably. If I don't like someone, I'll probably tell them, even if that means ruining something, I gotta be true to myself (as I see it).

Idk sorry for rambling on, I just hate it and don't understand why. It's like I don't always make sense and afterward sometimes will be like "wtf I shouldn't do that"... in the moment, nah anything goes.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

One of the highest things I can hope for in another human is that they stop harming others. The world is a better place for it.

At the same time, I admit that I struggle with someone who harmed in the past -- Nelson Mandela. He was a terrorist, was imprisoned, got turned on to Marcus Aurelius, changed his course, and chose to instead peacefully pursue his goals of liberation. I struggle with him having received a Nobel Peace Prize when he'd been a terrorist, and yet he's an example of exactly the kind of reformation I most highly value. So I can see how the past would follow someone, and I can see how wonderful change is. It's complex. OP, if your shunning is just, you can bear it well, and if it is not, then the judgment is the problem of those who judge, even though you are the one feeling the impacts. Also remember that this is fresh to then, and over the course of time their attitudes may change. If you walk tall and keep doing the good that you do, it's the consistency in behavior that proves your character changed for the better, and if they see it then hooray, they are capable, and if they are not capable, it is imo and lived experience likely we'll that you are free of them. I advise to take the long view.

Most people don't change, it's so fucking hard to do and requires such backbone and inner power, I know from my own experience. If my mother were to take responsibility to change herself and do so, I would be so happy. I don't want her to self-flagellate for the past but to change course away from abusiveness and oppressive and controlling behaviors. I would respect that so much! It wouldn't undo the hurt, but it would be a salve, and she would be safer for me, and therefore the world would be safer. The world is safer because you took the responsibility to change.

OP, sending you respect. Sorry to hear you're experiencing shunning. Social animals suck. They do shit like that. Hopefully in time they'll see the value of the change you made and the personal power it took to do so. I wonder if they themselves have such power.

I was shunned by my family for not buying into their revisionist history and demanding the actual history be addressed. It's actually been great to be free of them. Here's a quote about how exile can be beneficial, by someone who was exiled and benefitted from it, Musonius Rufus:

"[Those who are exiled] are not annoyed by their kinsmen nor by men who only seem to be their friends, who are skillful in fettering them and dragging them away from the pursuit of better things[.]"

I don't know about you, but my mother and her enabler, my father, constantly sought to fetter me and drag me away from the pursuit of better things, and in fact punished me for pursuing them. Fuck that. I hope you experience the freedom to pursue better things if that is something you hope for yourself.