fallintotheshadows
Member
- Oct 23, 2023
- 64
Something that I've known since 2023 is the reason why I am suicidal and what it is that makes me feel the way I do. It's actually very simple. Everyone has a reason for living even if you want to die and my soul reason for living is the pursuit of finding love. Love is the only thing that can actually satisfy the mundane life that I have. All I do everyday is get up work and then find something to do to waste my time then go to sleep. Friends unfortunately aren't a good way for me to not feel this way as they usually come and go and I have grown less talkative with people because of me knowing that they will not help me with how I feel as well as they aren't boyfriend material in my eyes. I honestly wish I didn't have this goal and maybe then life would be worth living but it's just inescapable. I try my best in life to be financially free and I succeeded at an early age of 24. I try my best in life to find other reasons for living and yet I cannot no matter how hard I try. I continue to keep lamenting about not having someone I can at least share in this success with and share my time and energy with as well as just be around them.
This is a shorter post on how everything is with me but I have talked to people who value life and explained how I work and they now understand where I am coming from to the point where they dont even ask me to not consider suicide. This gives me the indication that if I do end up killing myself in the future that I will try to do what dr kevorkian couldn't and that's make it legal for assisted suicide to be available in the u.s.a which will include mental illnesses. Before I go to bed I had to make this post otherwise I would continue to dread the fact that I am going to have to wake up to repeat this endless cycle. I hope none of you have this as your main goal in life because it is one of the worst things to chase. Honestly best case scenario I wish I could die while I sleep because I love dreams it's one if the only things that makes me even sleep in the first place and dreaming forever sounds nice though I am sure it isnt actually what happens when you die. I would rather everything end and there be no afterlife.
This is a shorter post on how everything is with me but I have talked to people who value life and explained how I work and they now understand where I am coming from to the point where they dont even ask me to not consider suicide. This gives me the indication that if I do end up killing myself in the future that I will try to do what dr kevorkian couldn't and that's make it legal for assisted suicide to be available in the u.s.a which will include mental illnesses. Before I go to bed I had to make this post otherwise I would continue to dread the fact that I am going to have to wake up to repeat this endless cycle. I hope none of you have this as your main goal in life because it is one of the worst things to chase. Honestly best case scenario I wish I could die while I sleep because I love dreams it's one if the only things that makes me even sleep in the first place and dreaming forever sounds nice though I am sure it isnt actually what happens when you die. I would rather everything end and there be no afterlife.
