Undeniable proof that everyone wants me dead

[ihatemen420]

EVERY. WEBSITE. Even this one. Reported. Banned. Silenced. I cant say fucking anything fucking anywhere. How could anyone expect me to be honest with a therapist when this is how every shred of honesty or verbalization of my emotional state is met, without exception — Sorry, you're scaring the hoes, you can't say that, you can't be here if you're going to say stuff like that, we're going to have to ask you to leave, why won't you just leave? why won't you just shut up? children should be seen and not heard. why won't you just submit like a good little child? like you're supposed to? STOP RESISTING. STOP RESISTING OR I'LL SHOOT.

NO MATTER WHERE I TURN
SHOT DOWN, SHOT DOWN
EVERYONES A RUNAWAY
WHERE YOU RUNNIN NOW?

*copies the text of this post and saves it into my notes app so i have some record it existed after it gets taken down too so i didnt completely waste my time typing something that is no longer going to exist in 5 minutes*
Oh wait i forgot to mention my actual point, which is that despite the existence of undeniable proof that I literally make the world a worse place by existing and contributing my opinions, I am not going to ctb. You know why? Because the world would be a better place if I did. And it is my life's mission to make it worse.

 

[Jadeith]

(slowly extending hairy arms)

Will you accept a hug?

 

[NonEssential]

Was the last post you made removed?

 

[needthebus]

that probably won't happen here

the mods and site are pretty cool

from what i've seen people only get banned if they threaten the site by saying/doing incredibly sketchy things that put the site at risk

i've been deplatformed too in different places and it's almost sort of normal unless you are using a cell phone and App. The websites greatly prefer cell phones with Apps because they can easily tie it to location data and other information about you and so it's much more profitable. Also, many people who create fake profiles don't use cell phones because of the expense involved (because Apps fingerprint the hardware of the cell phone). So when you use a cell phone, they know it's you and probably make 10x more off you than if you just use a website.

It happens to a lot of people and it's part of the reason there's a backlash against big tech.

 

[rozeske]

It might be helpful or even advised to be honest with your therapist about your feelings so you find a solution or a healthier way of coping with them but there are certain things you just can't say here that can put the site in danger and affect the community. That is likely why some things had to be removed, not to silence you or personally abuse you but for the benefit of the community as a whole. I'm sorry you are hurting.

 

[ihatemen420]

Nvm guys sorry I had a moment of self awareness and realized that the reason I post stuff like this is because I am seeking negative attention. I'm not angry about my own lack of freedom of speech. I'm angry about everyone else's lack of freedom of speech to give me negative attention, because that's not allowed here. And it's not really allowed anywhere else, either. So I have to post this bizarre and aggressive shit to solicit negative attention because even if I just straight up ask for negative attention, it is not taken seriously. I am just seen as "trying to be edgy" so "dont feed the troll", or, at best, "you're just lashing out because you're hurting, so I will give you positive attention instead". Which is nice, but I never know how to respond because it's not what I expected (it's never what I expected because I was expecting negative attention). Can I be trained to want positive attention instead of negative attention? Hmm… much to consider

 

[Jadeith]

Which is nice, but I never know how to respond because it's not what I expected

Not forcing you into anything but... maybe try to accept? Might be difficult, i know, but maybe worth trying? Or at least considering?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Nvm guys sorry I had a moment of self awareness and realized that the reason I post stuff like this is because I am seeking negative attention. I'm not angry about my own lack of freedom of speech. I'm angry about everyone else's lack of freedom of speech to give me negative attention, because that's not allowed here. And it's not really allowed anywhere else, either. So I have to post this bizarre and aggressive shit to solicit negative attention because even if I just straight up ask for negative attention, it is not taken seriously. I am just seen as "trying to be edgy" so "dont feed the troll", or, at best, "you're just lashing out because you're hurting, so I will give you positive attention instead". Which is nice, but I never know how to respond because it's not what I expected (it's never what I expected because I was expecting negative attention). Can I be trained to want positive attention instead of negative attention? Hmm… much to consider

That's really interesting. Not meaning to look at you like a lab rat... Very self aware though. So, would you say you deliberately create provocative posts to rile people up? So- I suppose trolling in a way? Do you enjoy confrontations?

Sorry. Just being curious I guess. I've known people who say they like confrontations. They've even worked jobs that expose them to it. Customer complaints etc. although, I kind of dread to think how that went! Some customers might deserve a bit of push back but, not all!

I suppose it's so different to my reaction. I hate even heated discussions sometimes- which inevitably happen on here. I really hate that adrenaline fear when either I've obviously upset someone or, they've upset me. But, do you enjoy that? Or, have I just got the wrong end of the stick?

 

[human909]

I am very sorry, I hope you find peace soon.