Venting Undecided about which method to use.

[Eren]

I have been here for a long time and I have considered several methods, I even thought about doing it next summer in the forest, but the reality is that I still do not have 100% clear which method to use, whenever I choose a method, when I research I find "problems" about that method and so on with everyone.

I do not know if I will be able to ignore the instinct of survival, for example today I visited a rather tall building just to see if it was accessible, because looking at the building from below made me nauseous, it is really strange, I do not want to continue living, I do not I like life but I have a hard time ignoring the survival instinct, I feel useless even for this.

I also feel very bad for knowing that my mother will have a hard time, she really does not deserve it and she would destroy it. It's disgusting because I have to continue living a life that I do not want just because of that.

 

[yaya]

I've had a similar issue to you... It's really hard to choose a method. I think the one I'm going to try is the night-night method, which you can learn more about from the megathread. it seems kinda promising and less daunting than jumping from a building (at least to me).

I also specifically relate to the issue with not wanting to hurt your mom. I love my mom a lot. She's ruined my life in a lot of ways, but she's still my mom and I don't want to hurt her. I found that the more hopeless I get, the more I start to distance myself from feeling bad about it. I'm going to die anyways, right? Today, tomorrow, in several years, who knows. It will hurt the people around me no matter when or how it happens, but if I die on my own terms, at least I can be happy... At this point, I think I value how I feel over everyone else. I hope you're able to find a way to be okay with your choice, whatever it may be.

 

[therhydler]

I understand... I know my ctb will ruin my mums life and probably other family members too but there is just no way I can live on. The feeling is horrifying. I also am uncertain about the method, I have narrowed it down to a few but the risks involved in each one make it a really hard step to take. I am sorry you are in this place, it is not a nice place to be. I hope you find peace, whether in living life or finding the method that suits you best

 

[Eren]

Thank you for your answers,

At least I see that I am not the only one in this situation. I really do not have any serious health problems, serious economic problems, I do not have a "bad life", but I can not be happy with anything, my problems are more internal (mental) than external, sometimes I think I am selfish, that others People would like to have my life etc ... although it is also typical that I have always heard.

 

[NotWorthLiving]

What methods are you tossing up between if I may ask?

 

[Eren]

What methods are you tossing up between if I may ask?

Full hanging, SN, jumping and CO

 

[NotWorthLiving]

Well if you want to do it in the forest I think a couple of those could be hard so that could narrow it down.

 

[TAW122]

Assuming you are choosing a forest, I would say if you can find a high enough tree with a branch strong enough to support your weight, then I would go with hanging. Otherwise, I would suggest getting a tent and charcoal for the CO. If you choose CO, make sure that whatever enclosed space you are in, whether it is a vehicle or tent, to seal it up really well. This is to prevent CO from leaving the enclosure and getting to other places as well as making sure the other gases don't enter to mess up your attempt.

As far as your mother's feelings, yes it would be sad to have her upset over your death, but keep in mind it's your body and at the end of the day, people will always be sad, but the best you can do is the minimize the impact it will have on her.

 

[Pointlesslife]

I am also not really sure what method to use. I'm not really worried about how my death will affect my mom but then again I am a relatively selfish person.

 

[Goldie]

Have you considered N? From what you have said seems like a good method for you.

Do you live in a problematic country to get it? Or with parents?

 

[Eren]

Have you considered N? From what you have said seems like a good method for you.

Do you live in a problematic country to get it? Or with parents?

N is illegal and very expensive, I also live with my mother, in fact living with my mother I do not know if I could apply for SN without realizing it.

 

[Eren]

Assuming you are choosing a forest, I would say if you can find a high enough tree with a branch strong enough to support your weight, then I would go with hanging. Otherwise, I would suggest getting a tent and charcoal for the CO. If you choose CO, make sure that whatever enclosed space you are in, whether it is a vehicle or tent, to seal it up really well. This is to prevent CO from leaving the enclosure and getting to other places as well as making sure the other gases don't enter to mess up your attempt.

As far as your mother's feelings, yes it would be sad to have her upset over your death, but keep in mind it's your body and at the end of the day, people will always be sad, but the best you can do is the minimize the impact it will have on her.

What scares me is failing and having brain damage.

 

[Goldie]

N is illegal and very expensive, I also live with my mother, in fact living with my mother I do not know if I could apply for SN without realizing it.

N is illegal but you only die once... its best to get it right.

 

[Eren]

N is illegal but you only die once... its best to get it right.

It's not that simple, I want to die but I still have remorse for my mother, so I prefer a legal method to use it whenever I want (I do not know if I understand what I mean)