Venting Unable to win

[Sprite_Geist]

It seems that no matter how I behave there is always someone, somewhere that will make a snarky comment about me. For example: if I try to put in the effort to talk to other humans I will often be ignored, and if I protest this ignorance it will usually be meat with a response such as: "Well nobody is obligated to talk to you. Leave them alone!" But on the other hand - if I decide not to talk to anybody else then others will claim that I am being rude, as if I am obligated to talk to them. The same goes for smiling: if I smile at anyone - strangers and acquaintances alike - their response (usually) is to glare blankly, but if I do not smile then others will laugh and say that I am miserable for not smiling - even though the reason I no longer smile is because nobody reciprocated mine in the first place!

I understand that everybody has different ideals on how humans should behave, but it would be much, much easier if we could all reach a consensus on certain topics regarding behaviour, because right now it feels like I am playing a mind game.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate to this, people can certainly be tiring. I don't often see interacting with many others to be worth it. To certain family members, if I talk too much they might get a bit annoyed, but if I'm too quiet they might make a comment about that. I think people act differently depending on what mood they are in. It can be frustrating.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I can relate to this, people can certainly be tiring. I don't often see interacting with many others to be worth it. To certain family members, if I talk too much they might get a bit annoyed, but if I'm too quiet they might make a comment about that. I think people act differently depending on what mood they are in. It can be frustrating.

Ah yes - what you have said about some of your family members reminds me of certain kids at my school many years ago - "You're so annoying, and you're not funny! ...Gee you should talk more Sprite."

Edit: I am sorry that certain people within your family talk to you like that.

 

[Not Being]

That is why I prefer to be alone and fend for myself as much as possible, only if it is strictly necessary, I will look for someone, without much detour, straight to the point, no sentimentality, that simple.

When you reject: "You are ungrateful, you are a bad person, that person gave a lot for you!

When they reject you: "no one is obliged to correspond with you, don't be a stalker, don't be resentful!"

I understand how you feel, "no one is obliged to correspond with you but you must correspond with others no matter what" or "You have to give but the rest of us don't have to give you something"


It is mentally exhausting to give many times and never receive in return.


If you can do things by yourself, it is better, I think it is a disadvantage to depend on others, because they will almost always disappoint you or take advantage of you and laugh at you behind your back.

In the end, the only one who will never let you down is yourself. You give, I give, it's that simple, if you suspect that the other person will not give you something, get out of there, don't waste your time.

All this is my personal opinion.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

When you reject: "You are ungrateful, you are a bad person, that person gave a lot for you!

When they reject you: "no one is obliged to correspond with you, don't be a stalker, don't be resentful!"

Yes! This is very similar to what I (and others) have experienced in the real world - thank you. Some people seem to change their principles and attitudes within an instant based on what will help to benefit them the most; which is why they might have this double-standard on rejection that your post highlights. When you combine this with mood-dependant behaviour as @FuneralCry has talked about then you have the recipe for a horrible mind game. To add to what you have said...

A person needs you: in this mode they will criticize you for refusing to respond to their contact, because they will be unable to obtain whatever it is that they want from you if there is no communication. From their perspective: you owe them.

A person does not need you: your attempts to intiate contact will be ignored, because there is no incentive for them to allow you into their lives.
Should you be upset about this you will criticized for bothering them. From their perspective: they do not owe you.

Also, it is interesting that you have mentioned stalking - this is very important. Stalking is the act of forcing your way into another persons life despite them making it clear that they do not want you in it - a violation of personal boundaries; not only is stalking considered immoral, but it is also a criminal offense. Those who are against suicide exhibit the same behaviour as stalkers, because the desire to commit suicide is a strong indication that a person no longer wishes to be a part of other peoples lives, and yet they are coerced into staying alive by those who want them around, as if the suicidal person has no choice or boundaries that should be respected.

In my opinion: an anti-choice individual who tries to guilt, stigmatize and shame a suicidal person into living for their own benefit, is the same (in principle) to a man who aggressively follows a woman down a street and demands that she aknowledge him. The only difference being that the former is acceptable and even promoted while the latter is punishable with a restraining order.

I understand how you feel, "no one is obliged to correspond with you but you must correspond with others no matter what" or "You have to give but the rest of us don't have to give you something"

It is comparable to when you are told that respect is earned and not given, but those who expect you to earn theirs will make no effort to earn yours. And it is this same lack of respect which ties into whether or not they will reciprocate.

"I am going to treat you like trash (disrespect you), but if you want me to be kind (respect you) then you must be kind to me, firstly, until I decide that I want to be kind to you."

If you can do things by yourself, it is better, I think it is a disadvantage to depend on others, because they will almost always disappoint you or take advantage of you and laugh at you behind your back.

In the end, the only one who will never let you down is yourself. You give, I give, it's that simple, if you suspect that the other person will not give you something, get out of there, don't waste your time.

Sadly and regrettably I think that what you say is true for some relationships. The issue that I used to have was that I would always give even if I did not receive, because I had the mindset that having bad friends was better than having no friends at all. It was a tactic to try and deal with the progressing feeling of isolation.