princessdepression
justlikeyou
- Dec 2, 2021
- 27
I've been thinking lately, how almost my whole life I've been in a state of dreaming. Often times this dream turns into a fucking nightmare and I have no idea how anyone would allow themselves to continue living on this earth. When nothing feels real and everything seems far away, it's the most fear I experience. I don't fear death as much as I fear living. I fear all the pain it brings me because it's always been never ending. No matter how much I fake it till I make it, or try trick myself by acting ok for my family this reality sticks with me when I'm alone. And I'm alone a lot for an 18 y/o. There's no explanation for why I feel this way. And since I've realized that fact, I've realized I just don't belong here. My being is embarrassing and wrong and vile and disgusting with such a fake pretty face such an obnoxious mask shrouding me all the time. I'm empty inside and out.