Venting *TW severe SH* I just need to say this somewhere

[I-can-only-imagine]

Hey guys.

So I have been SH for the last year. Before that I was 15 years clean after 6 years of doing it (bar the very rare occasion like once every two years).

I have never done it bad enough to need stitches…….until now. But I can't go to ER, I guess from the shame.

However. This is the twisted part. I'm so proud of myself for finally doing it so badly. And a small part of the reason I can't go to ER is because I don't WANT to. I want to just keep making it worse and worse. And to do more this badly.

There is a chance I will be readmitted this week anyway, so why can't I just wait until then? I am also seeing my case manager HOPEFULLY on Wednesday and I will tell her as I am always 99% honest about everything. Maybe she can come with me to ER so I don't feel as ashamed……I don't know.

I'm sorry for such a potentially triggering post. I just needed to tell SOMEONE and I know I won't be judged by you guys.

P.S yes I am aware of infection risks etc etc. I am taking care of the wound even if I don't give a shit about the risks. It's only 2 more days until I see my case manager.

 

[attempt2]

I don't have any experience about self harm so don't really have any great advice, but from your story I'm assuming you've been ok (or as ok as anyone of us lot can be) for the majority of the last 15 years. I would personally go to the ER now which may help you out in the short term until Wednesday, and thats if your case manager can't move their appointment earlier.

Whatever happens though, don't feel any shame! You are allowed to have moments where life gets a bit much and believe me, the ER will have seen much worse anyway (judging by all the stories I've heard about having to remove objects stuck in peoples bums from doctor friends, you will be nothing compared to them haha)

 

[lostautist]

If you're not ctb, I think you should seek medical attention. But, that's your personal choice to seek treatment or not.

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

I

I don't have any experience about self harm so don't really have any great advice, but from your story I'm assuming you've been ok (or as ok as anyone of us lot can be) for the majority of the last 15 years. I would personally go to the ER now which may help you out in the short term until Wednesday, and thats if your case manager can't move their appointment earlier.

Whatever happens though, don't feel any shame! You are allowed to have moments where life gets a bit much and believe me, the ER will have seen much worse anyway (judging by all the stories I've heard about having to remove objects stuck in peoples bums from doctor friends, you will be nothing compared to them haha)

haven't been ok for those 15 years but it was "manageable" until my mental health took a massive dive a year ago. Now have 3 new conditions diagnosed and none of the treatment or meds are working even though I have a fantastic team here

 

[deathismymeaning]

it's hard to relapse after such a long time, although for me even though the longest amount of time was like two years it almost made me happy in a way that I was validating myself by physically expressing my pain and displaying it all over my body, it's so addicting

Going to the ER for self harm is so much more stressful in my opinion than for attempting because it can be super invalidating (always has been for me) and it just seems like it pisses the staff off more than anything and that's a shame because that causes people to end up with infections and not reach out until it's so bad that they have no other option. I hope that your case manager will help you and take you to the er if necessary. Thanks for sharing this btw definitely isn't an easy thing to do.

 

[TJuk]

Not sure if you are aware but they can only stitch the wound within 10-12 hours of the wound happening.

I was told why, but I don't remember all reasons except that the wound is starting to heal itself, there's also risk of infection if they stitch it after so long as it's been exposed to possible infection and then closing it risks trapping in the germs.

 

[attempt2]

I haven't been ok for those 15 years but it was "manageable" until my mental health took a massive dive a year ago. Now have 3 new conditions diagnosed and none of the treatment or meds are working even though I have a fantastic team here

Yeah completely get the manageable thing, exactly how I was until the last year as well. Good to hear you have a great team though, having support is for me the number one thing and hopefully from that the treatment and meds come around eventually