Venting TW: grooming

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

I don't know what to do. My "boyfriend" is actively abusing, manipulating, grooming, and gaslighting me. He has my nudes and forces me to send things i'm not comfortable with. The idea of sex makes me repulsed now. My friends are begging me to leave him, but those pictures and videos have my face in them. I don't know what to do. This is hell.
I don't know what to do. If my parents found out, I don't know what they'd do. I feel ashamed and filthy and gross.

 

[po1sentree]

I'm so sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're in. Your boyfriend is not only abusing and manipulating you, but also holding your personal images over your head as a means of control. This is a terrifying and incredibly difficult position to be in. First and foremost, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and well being. I know it might seem overwhelming, but you need to develop a plan for leaving him. You could consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member to help you gather your belongings and create a safe space for you to stay. If you're concerned about your privacy and the possibility of him finding you, it might be a good idea to look into local resources such as domestic violence shelters or safe houses. They can provide a secure, temporary home for you and help you develop a more long term plan. In terms of the explicit material, you could consult with a lawyer to find out if there are any legal steps you can take to protect yourself. Some states have revenge porn laws that might apply in your situation. A lawyer would be best equipped to guide you on how to proceed. Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and dignity.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

I'm so sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're in. Your boyfriend is not only abusing and manipulating you, but also holding your personal images over your head as a means of control. This is a terrifying and incredibly difficult position to be in. First and foremost, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and well being. I know it might seem overwhelming, but you need to develop a plan for leaving him. You could consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member to help you gather your belongings and create a safe space for you to stay. If you're concerned about your privacy and the possibility of him finding you, it might be a good idea to look into local resources such as domestic violence shelters or safe houses. They can provide a secure, temporary home for you and help you develop a more long term plan. In terms of the explicit material, you could consult with a lawyer to find out if there are any legal steps you can take to protect yourself. Some states have revenge porn laws that might apply in your situation. A lawyer would be best equipped to guide you on how to proceed. Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and dignity.

sadly it's online. I believe my state does have a revenge porn law, but i don't know about his. My friend reported him. I have no way to get a lawyer, and i'm technically under the age of consent. (yes i know, technically against the rules but i'm desperate rn and need advice.) He is over the age of consent. I'm scared that if he finds where i live, he'll actually assault me. I wouldn't put it past him. He doesn't listen to anything i say, and is so mentally abusive

 

[justpathetic]

I don't know what to do. My "boyfriend" is actively abusing, manipulating, grooming, and gaslighting me. He has my nudes and forces me to send things i'm not comfortable with. The idea of sex makes me repulsed now. My friends are begging me to leave him, but those pictures and videos have my face in them. I don't know what to do. This is hell.
I don't know what to do. If my parents found out, I don't know what they'd do. I feel ashamed and filthy and gross.

I am so very sorry. If you're in the US what he's doing is against the law. Depending on your age it's child pornography but even if you're a legal adult it's still illegal. Is there anyway you can get the phone and run? I wish I could do more to help.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

I am so very sorry. If you're in the US what he's doing is against the law. Depending on your age it's child pornography but even if you're a legal adult it's still illegal. Is there anyway you can get the phone and run? I wish I could do more to help.

It would be considered CP if he leaked them, or even still have them as of june of next year. And i wish. But there's 1,500 miles between us. And there's no conformation that he's actually "17", he's never in school. Like ever. And he looks a little older than that

 

[justpathetic]

sadly it's online. I believe my state does have a revenge porn law, but i don't know about his. My friend reported him. I have no way to get a lawyer, and i'm technically under the age of consent. (yes i know, technically against the rules but i'm desperate rn and need advice.) He is over the age of consent. I'm scared that if he finds where i live, he'll actually assault me. I wouldn't put it past him. He doesn't listen to anything i say, and is so mentally abusive

Wait... so you're not in physical contact with him? He doesn't know where you live? Go to police. They can track and arrest him. I know it's very scary, embarrassing, and makes you feel ashamed but that's the only way his sick ass is gonna stop.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Try to make sure to take screenshots and recordings of the threats and tell your friends and family about what he is doing. The inappropriate images and videos he has of you counts as CSEM (assuming that they are sexual in nature), so I would contact the authorities about it.

 

[justpathetic]

It would be considered CP if he leaked them, or even still have them as of june of next year. And i wish. But there's 1,500 miles between us. And there's no conformation that he's actually "17", he's never in school. Like ever. And he looks a little older than that

If youre under age ANY pics video etc.. of you he has of you that are sexual are illegal for him to have now. It's been illegal to possess child pornography in u.s. for decades. Even if he is under age he can still be charged. His age is irrelevant its your age that's the issue.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

Try to make sure to take screenshots and recordings of the threats and tell your friends and family about what he is doing. The inappropriate images and videos he has of you counts as CSEM (assuming that they are sexual in nature), so I would contact the authorities about it.

He isn't exactly threatening leaking my nudes, and yes they are. But i wouldn't put it past him to do something that abusive and petty. But i'm terrified of telling my parents, because "you know better than that!" or the "we told you not to talk to strangers on the internet."

Wait... so you're not in physical contact with him? He doesn't know where you live? Go to police. They can track and arrest him. I know it's very scary, embarrassing, and makes you feel ashamed but that's the only way his sick ass is gonna stop.

well, he knows what state i live in. And i know his state. But technically, both states have that stupid romeo and juliet law.

 

[po1sentree]

sadly it's online. I believe my state does have a revenge porn law, but i don't know about his. My friend reported him. I have no way to get a lawyer, and i'm technically under the age of consent. (yes i know, technically against the rules but i'm desperate rn and need advice.) He is over the age of consent. I'm scared that if he finds where i live, he'll actually assault me. I wouldn't put it past him. He doesn't listen to anything i say, and is so mentally abusive

I understand that you're in a really difficult and complicated situation. With your boyfriend being in another state, there's a chance you could reach out to a lawyer in that state who specializes in revenge porn and online harassment. They may be able to offer guidance on how to handle this from a legal perspective. To gather the funds for a lawyer, you could consider starting a crowdfunding campaign or reaching out to local legal aid societies to see if they can help. Regarding your fears of him finding your new location, you might want to consider using an online alias, encrypted communication, and a VPN for your internet activities. This can help keep your location and identity more secure. In terms of personal safety, consider having a safety plan in place. It's important to prioritize your well being, both emotionally and physically.

 

[DrinkyCrow]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. It's hard but the only thing to do is leave, it can feel impossible, but its only gonna get worse if you stay. I stayed in stuff like this for way too long and wish i would've just ended it sooner (or more I wish I never met them in the first place maybe)

Idk where you live, but i know that specialized, anonymous help lines for young women in situations like this exist here, maybe theres something like this where you are.

I just wish you all the best, and don't ever let anyone tell you that you deserve any of this or brought this upon yourself or any other delusional shit some people like to spew out.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

He isn't exactly threatening leaking my nudes, and yes they are. But i wouldn't put it past him to do something that abusive and petty. But i'm terrified of telling my parents, because "you know better than that!" or the "we told you not to talk to strangers on the internet."

If you aren't comfortable with telling your parents then try finding another trusted adult. However, it's better to just be told "You know better than that" and get their support and help than it is to spend your time in fear because of the abusive actions of your groomer.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

If youre under age ANY pics video etc.. of you he has of you that are sexual are illegal for him to have now. It's been illegal to possess child pornography in u.s. for decades. Even if he is under age he can still be charged. His age is irrelevant its your age that's the issue.

He definitely could be trialed as an adult. But i'm only willing to take legal action if my nudes are leaked or if he starts threatening me

 

[-Link-]

At some point, you're going to be abruptly cut off from this site because of your age. It could happen at any moment.

This thread might disappear as well.

Save responses in this thread to a notes file or something so that you can refer back to them.

You're getting a lot of good advice in here, and I'm wishing you as well as can be under the circumstances.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. It's hard but the only thing to do is leave, it can feel impossible, but its only gonna get worse if you stay. I stayed in stuff like this for way too long and wish i would've just ended it sooner (or more I wish I never met them in the first place maybe)

Idk where you live, but i know that specialized, anonymous help lines for young women in situations like this exist here, maybe theres something like this where you are.

I just wish you all the best, and don't ever let anyone tell you that you deserve any of this or brought this upon yourself or any other delusional shit some people like to spew out.I'

any "trusted adult" will tell my parents.

If you aren't comfortable with telling your parents then try finding another trusted adult. However, it's better to just be told "You know better than that" and get their support and help than it is to spend your time in fear because of the abusive actions of your groomer.

no adults in my life, i can trust anymore. They've all betrayed my trust.

 

[justpathetic]

He isn't exactly threatening leaking my nudes, and yes they are. But i wouldn't put it past him to do something that abusive and petty. But i'm terrified of telling my parents, because "you know better than that!" or the "we told you not to talk to strangers on the internet."

well, he knows what state i live in. And i know his state. But technically, both states have that stupid romeo and juliet law.

Romeo an Juliette law us about consensual statutory rape not pics and vids

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. It's hard but the only thing to do is leave, it can feel impossible, but its only gonna get worse if you stay. I stayed in stuff like this for way too long and wish i would've just ended it sooner (or more I wish I never met them in the first place maybe)

Idk where you live, but i know that specialized, anonymous help lines for young women in situations like this exist here, maybe theres something like this where you are.

I just wish you all the best, and don't ever let anyone tell you that you deserve any of this or brought this upon yourself or any other delusional shit some people like to spew out.

sorry i didn't mean to quote your post. But i've tried the 988, i've tried the national hotline for sexual abuse, nothing.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

no adults in my life, i can trust anymore. They've all betrayed my trust.

Which country do you live in? You can look into some local resources for grooming and sexploitation.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

Romeo an Juliette law us about consensual statutory rape not pics and vids

yeah, i'm still scared though. We're technically "dating"

Which country do you live in?

USA. The godforsaken midwest
i know how shitty this sounds, but like. I've thought of sending him an IP grabber link so i can pinpoint the close location of where he is and tell the local authorities about his behavior.

I understand that you're in a really difficult and complicated situation. With your boyfriend being in another state, there's a chance you could reach out to a lawyer in that state who specializes in revenge porn and online harassment. They may be able to offer guidance on how to handle this from a legal perspective. To gather the funds for a lawyer, you could consider starting a crowdfunding campaign or reaching out to local legal aid societies to see if they can help. Regarding your fears of him finding your new location, you might want to consider using an online alias, encrypted communication, and a VPN for your internet activities. This can help keep your location and identity more secure. In terms of personal safety, consider having a safety plan in place. It's important to prioritize your well being, both emotionally and physically.

 

[DrinkyCrow]

any "trusted adult" will tell my parents.

no adults in my life, i can trust anymore. They've all betrayed my trust.

I hope you'll find someone who you can trust and who can give you the help and support that you need and deserve.

If you're family/teachers and co suck, there's probably some sort of organization or maybe a social worker that can help. Worth to look into. There are some that really suck, but some are actually life savers sometimes.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

i've only told my friends. They're begging me to block him, and to say hell with consequences. One of my friends said i could give a cyber tip to the FBI, and they'll flag the images. I have a few friends that are psycho enough to find where he lives and do something drastic.

 

[justpathetic]

yeah, i'm still scared though. We're technically "dating"

USA. The godforsaken midwest
i know how shitty this sounds, but like. I've thought of sending him an IP grabber link so i can pinpoint the close location of where he is and tell the local authorities about his behavior.

I am an American. Every state has a law concerning child pornography. It is also a federal offense. It doesn't matter if he's 17. It doesn't matter if you sent them willingly. It doesn't matter if he's your boyfriend or you're dating. If you are under the age of 18 and he has pics or vids of you nude partially clothed or in any sexual situation. He is breaking the law. I'm don't want to sound mean to you but I want to be very clear. You did nothing wrong he did.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

USA. The godforsaken midwest
i know how shitty this sounds, but like. I've thought of sending him an IP grabber link so i can pinpoint the close location of where he is and tell the local authorities about his behavior.

Please try looking into some of these resources.

Resources
Rainn – Grooming: Know the Warning Signs
American Bar Association – Understanding Sexual Grooming in Child Abuse
Dee Norton Child Advocacy Center – Five Strategies to Help Children Identify Grooming and Prevent Sexual Abuse
Family Education – 25 Signs of Child Grooming and Abuse Parents Should Recognize
SAFE – Grooming Behaviors
Thorn – 2022 Online Grooming Report
OnWatch – Gaming Safety Guide

Resources – National Coalition to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse and Exploitation

National & State Resources - Darkness to Light

You are not alone. Please reach out to one of the resources listed below -- someone will be available to help you find the national or local resources you need.

www.d2l.org

Resources to deal with online grooming

If your child is affected by online grooming, there are lots of places to go for more help and advice. See our list of resources for further support.

www.internetmatters.org

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

i didnt send them willingly. I hate doing it.

Please try looking into some of these resources.

Resources – National Coalition to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse and Exploitation

National & State Resources - Darkness to Light

You are not alone. Please reach out to one of the resources listed below -- someone will be available to help you find the national or local resources you need.

www.d2l.org

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.safeaustin.org/what-is-grooming-online-safety-for-kids/&ved=2ahUKEwigkuDWz9mIAxVSJNAFHQIrBjAQFnoECBcQBQ&usg=AOvVaw0rghBr2eQmvNvXOmyiZ-S5

Resources to deal with online grooming

If your child is affected by online grooming, there are lots of places to go for more help and advice. See our list of resources for further support.

www.internetmatters.org

thank you

 

[DrinkyCrow]

sorry i didn't mean to quote your post. But i've tried the 988, i've tried the national hotline for sexual abuse, nothing.

i didnt send them willingly. I hate doing it.

It's making me so angry and sad right now, i have actually no words.

This guy is pressuring a minor into producing CSA material and no one cares basically???

I mean it's unfortunately not that surprising, but it still makes me crazy. I just wish i could beat that dude up and everyone who so far refused to do anything.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

the 988 was the most helpful. Just telling me to block him and tell my therapist. The other though, i couldn't even tell about the situation without getting told "please refrain from telling your age for safety reasons." Like my age definitely matters here

 

[DrinkyCrow]

I couldn't even tell about the situation without getting told "please refrain from telling your age for safety reasons." Like my age definitely matters here

That's insane, like your age is mostly what makes the matter extra important.

I agree with your friends tho, the FBI have to take that matter extra seriously, it's their job. That's also something that went through my head. Im not too well versed in US laws and correct me if I'm incorrect, but he would definitely land on a registry if he's getting caught trying to upload it anywhere.

This is also your best bet to get the peace that someone's taking care to eliminate the chance of even more and probably worse weirdos getting their hands on whatever you sent to him.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

I don't know what to do. My "boyfriend" is actively abusing, manipulating, grooming, and gaslighting me. He has my nudes and forces me to send things i'm not comfortable with. The idea of sex makes me repulsed now. My friends are begging me to leave him, but those pictures and videos have my face in them. I don't know what to do. This is hell.
I don't know what to do. If my parents found out, I don't know what they'd do. I feel ashamed and filthy and gross.

Update:
My friend who reported, got this back. What the actual fuck. To be honest, i'm kinda just thinking about giving the username and saying to hell with good internet.

That's insane, like your age is mostly what makes the matter extra important.

I agree with your friends tho, the FBI have to take that matter extra seriously, it's their job. That's also something that went through my head. Im not too well versed in US laws and correct me if I'm incorrect, but he would definitely land on a registry if he's getting caught trying to upload it anywhere.

This is also your best bet to get the peace that someone's taking care to eliminate the chance of even more and probably worse weirdos getting their hands on whatever you sent to him.

he would get put on a registry if he was convicted

Update:
My friend who reported, got this back. What the actual fuck. To be honest, i'm kinda just thinking about giving the username and saying to hell with good internet.


he would get put on a registry if he was convicted

For the "good internet" i meant good intentions. Fucking auto

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Update:
My friend who reported, got this back. What the actual fuck. To be honest, i'm kinda just thinking about giving the username and saying to hell with good internet.
View attachment 150940

he would get put on a registry if he was convicted

Please try contacting the authorities about this.

 

[Xx_horrorwood_xX]

Please try contacting the authorities about this.

If it goes any further i'm definitely contacting the FBI. I'm tired of this abuse