I've had a rather turbulent life blighted by the presence of cold and toxic people, especially in the past 10 years or so but honestly I think I was screwed due to being autistic in an environment which had no understanding of the condition and no notice was taken of my autistic nature during childhood, at least not enough to help me. I only got my diagnosis, which was necessary and long overdue, at the age of 28 on my own request and after a long wait and a lot of messing around. Unfortunately trolls and malicious bullies wasted no time in trying to bully me of the face of the earth.
After a traumatic and very damaging experience at work I developed severe Staring OCD which forces compulsions to fixate on one's peripherals and the private parts of others and other inappropriate signals. The official name of the condition is Visual Tourettic OCD and it suffers a massive stigma even more compounded by my being autistic and so 'weird' already. Around 25 I was being badly affected by the OCD and by the bullying and negative attention I had been getting. On one occasion, while being highly impulsive and socially naïve, I complained about my treatment which had been demoralising me at an already stressful time in life. I ended up being a major mistake in the end as I believe following this complaint I was targeted by a phone hacker who stole a large amount of personal information from my phone and tracked my location where ever I went. They humiliated me through private messaging groups and started spreading false accusations of me being a paedophile. I had to jump town and move away to a city about 100 miles away but due to the hacking I was being tracked and followed and so the harassment followed me there. Ultimately my plans to start a new life out there fell through for this reason and the realisation I was a likely going to be a perpetual social outlier now as I was going viral. I had embraced suicidal idealism.
I was always slow to cotton on to events and didn't at first imagine I was being hacked but that maybe I had been snapped embarrassingly and that was being distributed. May primary suspicion now is that from around April 2018 to December that year I was using a hacked phone and chased across the country and even abroad on holiday. Everywhere I went I was targeted by gossip and slander. Eventually I figured out how cybersecurity worked and now have a new phone, number and all the required malware protections and I always get them active. However, given the length of time and extensive nature of the hack, the stalker likely has a trove of personal data stolen from that phone and can leak it when and wherever they wish.
I've been secure for about two years now but was forced out of the city I had moved to and had to return to live with family in the town I was born in. All the neighbours and most of my family had already turned on me because they had encountered the stalker's leaks first. I suspect at least. The most recent social engineering attack was this month. I had planned out a new year resolution to be more proactive in life, help out my family a little more and access long awaited support for my autism diagnosis. Unfortunately that's when the attack began and a relative came around the house and badmouthed me to my dad and said some true vitriol about how I was a 'seedy pervert' and described his 'findings' in shocking detail to say the least.
I have tried asking family what is going on and can they tell me but they say nothing is happening, nothing is being spread but this is clearly bs. I'm being gaslit by them and they and their circles are on the side of the stalker's version of events. Most of my life has basically collapsed. I'm sat up in my bedroom most of the time while I had been trying to be outside a bit more. I'm not feeling the reward of this right now. It no longer matters what effort I make, everyone now hates me and is suspicious of me.
If I was more confident then I suppose I could up sticks and 'disappear' to some other distant place and start afresh but I am autistic and I do stand out as weird looking. I don't mask so well, not even sure its possible for me with what hand I'm dealt. My problems are too many and too complex I feel and I try and fix one and another and another will stand in my way. My reputation is in tatters and as such what prize do I get for treating my conditions, for a better diet, for more exercise and for going to the effort to socialise or work? I'm humiliated and condemned as a loser of epic proportions on one hand and a potential predator in the eyes of many on the other. Someone others choose of ostracise or seek to destroy.
DISCLAIMER: I have not done anything illegal if you think I'm being too vague. It was only embarrassing if it was even true. The stalker has made up false stories with wrong facts and people have believed them.
I haven't got any firm plans for a suicide but I am thinking about the how to and the logistics of it. I'm in the UK and so we are very heavy on the suicide prevention and making attempting suicide as off-putting as possible: lonely and isolating and also dangerous in the sense of a failed attempt causing permanent disability. Given my reputation being incarcerated in a mental hospital or care home would be true hell if staff and handlers found out. I'd just want it to be reliable and effective. No nonsense.
Wish we were like Belgium here and actually listened to rational cases for suicide and considered them. This society acts like it wants to kill you and makes your life impossible but then it will not let you die!
After a traumatic and very damaging experience at work I developed severe Staring OCD which forces compulsions to fixate on one's peripherals and the private parts of others and other inappropriate signals. The official name of the condition is Visual Tourettic OCD and it suffers a massive stigma even more compounded by my being autistic and so 'weird' already. Around 25 I was being badly affected by the OCD and by the bullying and negative attention I had been getting. On one occasion, while being highly impulsive and socially naïve, I complained about my treatment which had been demoralising me at an already stressful time in life. I ended up being a major mistake in the end as I believe following this complaint I was targeted by a phone hacker who stole a large amount of personal information from my phone and tracked my location where ever I went. They humiliated me through private messaging groups and started spreading false accusations of me being a paedophile. I had to jump town and move away to a city about 100 miles away but due to the hacking I was being tracked and followed and so the harassment followed me there. Ultimately my plans to start a new life out there fell through for this reason and the realisation I was a likely going to be a perpetual social outlier now as I was going viral. I had embraced suicidal idealism.
I was always slow to cotton on to events and didn't at first imagine I was being hacked but that maybe I had been snapped embarrassingly and that was being distributed. May primary suspicion now is that from around April 2018 to December that year I was using a hacked phone and chased across the country and even abroad on holiday. Everywhere I went I was targeted by gossip and slander. Eventually I figured out how cybersecurity worked and now have a new phone, number and all the required malware protections and I always get them active. However, given the length of time and extensive nature of the hack, the stalker likely has a trove of personal data stolen from that phone and can leak it when and wherever they wish.
I've been secure for about two years now but was forced out of the city I had moved to and had to return to live with family in the town I was born in. All the neighbours and most of my family had already turned on me because they had encountered the stalker's leaks first. I suspect at least. The most recent social engineering attack was this month. I had planned out a new year resolution to be more proactive in life, help out my family a little more and access long awaited support for my autism diagnosis. Unfortunately that's when the attack began and a relative came around the house and badmouthed me to my dad and said some true vitriol about how I was a 'seedy pervert' and described his 'findings' in shocking detail to say the least.
I have tried asking family what is going on and can they tell me but they say nothing is happening, nothing is being spread but this is clearly bs. I'm being gaslit by them and they and their circles are on the side of the stalker's version of events. Most of my life has basically collapsed. I'm sat up in my bedroom most of the time while I had been trying to be outside a bit more. I'm not feeling the reward of this right now. It no longer matters what effort I make, everyone now hates me and is suspicious of me.
If I was more confident then I suppose I could up sticks and 'disappear' to some other distant place and start afresh but I am autistic and I do stand out as weird looking. I don't mask so well, not even sure its possible for me with what hand I'm dealt. My problems are too many and too complex I feel and I try and fix one and another and another will stand in my way. My reputation is in tatters and as such what prize do I get for treating my conditions, for a better diet, for more exercise and for going to the effort to socialise or work? I'm humiliated and condemned as a loser of epic proportions on one hand and a potential predator in the eyes of many on the other. Someone others choose of ostracise or seek to destroy.
DISCLAIMER: I have not done anything illegal if you think I'm being too vague. It was only embarrassing if it was even true. The stalker has made up false stories with wrong facts and people have believed them.
I haven't got any firm plans for a suicide but I am thinking about the how to and the logistics of it. I'm in the UK and so we are very heavy on the suicide prevention and making attempting suicide as off-putting as possible: lonely and isolating and also dangerous in the sense of a failed attempt causing permanent disability. Given my reputation being incarcerated in a mental hospital or care home would be true hell if staff and handlers found out. I'd just want it to be reliable and effective. No nonsense.
Wish we were like Belgium here and actually listened to rational cases for suicide and considered them. This society acts like it wants to kill you and makes your life impossible but then it will not let you die!
