Venting Turned 19 today

[tdos52]

its arbitrary but turning 19 is such an awful feeling, i was 18 for a whole year and i did nothing. Guy I've been in love with for over 2 years forgot too, he dumped me last week an i just feel empty. i cannot stop thinking about ctb even though i really dont want to hurt the people around me

 

[Cress]

happy birthday :) I know Growing old is a terrible feeling But you should know nineteen is insanely young. I know You said you did nothing For an entire year and it sounds like you feel bad about it? However I think you're being too hard on yourself It's incredibly difficult for humans to do absolutely nothing we are curious creatures. Even if you spent an entire year just watching youtube or movies or playing video games that's not an entire waste.

I'm also someone who spends a immense amount of time alone in my apartment I just try to be content with myself in the present. I told the therapist once I spent a whole bunch of time playing this video game Isn't this like a huge waste of time? They replied no that it's no different than just singing the song and enjoying life.

I'm sorry you lost a relationship It's incredibly hard anytime that sort of thing happens. If you need someone to talk to my DMS are always open.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

happy birthday :) I know Growing old is a terrible feeling But you should know nineteen is insanely young. I know You said you did nothing For an entire year and it sounds like you feel bad about it? However I think you're being too hard on yourself It's incredibly difficult for humans to do absolutely nothing we are curious creatures. Even if you spent an entire year just watching youtube or movies or playing video games that's not an entire waste.

I'm also someone who spends a immense amount of time alone in my apartment I just try to be content with myself in the present. I told the therapist once I spent a whole bunch of time playing this video game Isn't this like a huge waste of time? They replied no that it's no different than just singing the song and enjoying life.

I'm sorry you lost a relationship It's incredibly hard anytime that sort of thing happens. If you need someone to talk to my DMS are always open.

Cress couldn't have said it better.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm 19 as well but, personally, I found it worse when I first turned 19 than when I first turned 19. I honestly shouldn't even be alive right now. I wish I died before I turned 18. Oh, btw, happy birthday to you

 

[rozeske]

Happy birthday. Wishing you better days to come ❤

 

[tdos52]

happy birthday :) I know Growing old is a terrible feeling But you should know nineteen is insanely young. I know You said you did nothing For an entire year and it sounds like you feel bad about it? However I think you're being too hard on yourself It's incredibly difficult for humans to do absolutely nothing we are curious creatures. Even if you spent an entire year just watching youtube or movies or playing video games that's not an entire waste.

I'm also someone who spends a immense amount of time alone in my apartment I just try to be content with myself in the present. I told the therapist once I spent a whole bunch of time playing this video game Isn't this like a huge waste of time? They replied no that it's no different than just singing the song and enjoying life.

I'm sorry you lost a relationship It's incredibly hard anytime that sort of thing happens. If you need someone to talk to my DMS are always open.

can't figure out dms on here oh well.
but thank you so much genuinely that made me feel a lot better. I know im young and im gonna enroll in classes again in january but at this point i don't know if ill be able to handle it. I stream myself playing video games to like 5 viewers a few times a week, its something i enjoy and i dont see it as unproductive, the biggest thing im dissapointed with myself for is my drug use, ive smoked weed every night for the past 7 nights and im pretty much totally reliant on it which is awful, i genuinely need to quit but i feel awful when im sober

I'm 19 as well but, personally, I found it worse when I first turned 19 than when I first turned 19. I honestly shouldn't even be alive right now. I wish I died before I turned 18. Oh, btw, happy birthday to you

i feel the same way, i moved out of my parents at 18 and pretty much immediately fucked my life up, i miss being a kid so bad and i wish i could go back so bad

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

Oh man sometimes I forget I am 19 as well. Mentally I am still trapped in the high school teen mindset who is careless about future, has zero responsibility, and basically lives on the internet. At least I used to have time and energy to do productive personal projects and enjoy my hobbies, but now it is just the endless cycle of uni work, part time job, and the constant anxiety that my failure to ctb and lack of networking/practical skills build up before graduation will fuck me up even harder.

Sorry to hear about your relationship situation and I wish you well. I have been completely ghosted before by someone I used to talk to for hours (basically my only real friendship) so I understand how hurtful you feel.

 

[lissa]

I'm 19 as well but, personally, I found it worse when I first turned 19 than when I first turned 19. I honestly shouldn't even be alive right now. I wish I died before I turned 18. Oh, btw, happy birthday to you

I hope you'll be able to get your deserved peace soon

 

[schmerz]

its arbitrary but turning 19 is such an awful feeling, i was 18 for a whole year and i did nothing. Guy I've been in love with for over 2 years forgot too, he dumped me last week an i just feel empty. i cannot stop thinking about ctb even though i really dont want to hurt the people around me

i understand, when i turned 19 last year i felt the same. i feel like ive wasted my whole life, but on an objective level, i know thats not true. it's difficult to find your place in the world especially at our age (though i think this rings true for basically every age still) so don't feel bad about "doing nothing". take all the time you need, allow yourself breaks, and as cress said, it's not a waste. doing something you love or enjoy is never a waste.

sorry about your relationship, i can understand the hurt very well. i hope time can heal your wounds

 

[jbear824]

Try not to feel bad for not being productive or "doing nothing". That idea that we always need to be busy and doing tasks is not natural. That is a direct result of our political and economic systems of choice.

If video games bring you joy, then it's not a waste, period. If "doing nothing", brings you enjoyment, then it's not a waste. We've been convinced that just enjoying our time, enjoying existence is a waste because it doesn't produce money.

I mean, you are 19, you are allowed to make this choice. But, I would say don't rush it.

Romantic love is the most fleeting. It's the most fickle. We have romanticized this idea of "the one" the "soulmate". But the odds of actually finding that person are very slim in life. And even 50% of marriage ends in divorce.

It's not the be all end all. There are many different kinds of love that can be just as fulfilling or even more so than romantic love. It can be cultivated in many places. Also a lot of people think this but it baffles me, but romantic love is not the only place one can find sexual connection either. And I'm not talking any illegal shit.

Being broken up with is terrible. I hate losing people, for any reason. It's only been two weeks. You were in love with him. It's totally valid to mourn a lost and unrealized(?) love. But ctb'ing over it just seems a little extreme. Not invalid, just extreme.

Like I said, your choice, but maybe don't rush?

 

[tdos52]

Try not to feel bad for not being productive or "doing nothing". That idea that we always need to be busy and doing tasks is not natural. That is a direct result of our political and economic systems of choice.

If video games bring you joy, then it's not a waste, period. If "doing nothing", brings you enjoyment, then it's not a waste. We've been convinced that just enjoying our time, enjoying existence is a waste because it doesn't produce money.

I mean, you are 19, you are allowed to make this choice. But, I would say don't rush it.

Romantic love is the most fleeting. It's the most fickle. We have romanticized this idea of "the one" the "soulmate". But the odds of actually finding that person are very slim in life. And even 50% of marriage ends in divorce.

It's not the be all end all. There are many different kinds of love that can be just as fulfilling or even more so than romantic love. It can be cultivated in many places. Also a lot of people think this but it baffles me, but romantic love is not the only place one can find sexual connection either. And I'm not talking any illegal shit.

Being broken up with is terrible. I hate losing people, for any reason. It's only been two weeks. You were in love with him. It's totally valid to mourn a lost and unrealized(?) love. But ctb'ing over it just seems a little extreme. Not invalid, just extreme.

Like I said, your choice, but maybe don't rush?

if i do ctb it won't be entirely over him, i love him more than anything but that's also just a result of me being mentally ill, i'm terrible with people in general and feel lonely all the time, he was the only person i had that really loved me and living without him as my partner is hard

 

[uki3]

if i do ctb it won't be entirely over him, i love him more than anything but that's also just a result of me being mentally ill, i'm terrible with people in general and feel lonely all the time, he was the only person i had that really loved me and living without him as my partner is hard

I'm literally in the same situation as you, I'm turning 19 soon and I'm planning to do ctb on my birthday