Trying to recover, but can you recover without community/close relationships?

[tiredplant777]

Basically the title. I am not as isolated as I used to be, but I also have C-PTSD and dealing with that plus socializing is getting really hard. I had to move across the country to escape abuse and danger, and I have good friends back home that I am still in touch with and talk to, but where I am now there is no one I am close with in the way I am back home and I am finding that I am not enjoying socializing with people I don't know well, I find it really draining. I don't know if this is a cop out, but the friends I have made after I moved have often been very triggering for me, or I have friends that already have a solid friend group and relationships/marriages so the dynamic is not one of us hanging out on any regular basis, maybe just seeing each other a few times a year. I also am chronically single, which I am finding harder and harder to deal with as I am in my mid-30's and I feel now that I am older being single is a big qualifier for isolation in other areas, as so many people my age are in relationships. I also just straight up do not have the motivation to meet up with people right now. I know everyone is like join a group, put yourself out there, I have joined a group that I do meet up with, I will see where it goes. I have been microdosing mushrooms which has helped a lot, I really think my brain needs that help every day, but feeling better has also shown me that my depression is also tied to situational issues, a lot related to the past, my situation of having to escape a dangerous situation, and being isolated for the most part.

I told a newer friend recently about a big process I went through with letting go of trauma energy, I did ask her permission to share this, I did not go into any intense details, though it was a really vulnerable thing for me to share, and she responded pretty negatively, and gave me advice right away to tell me not to do what I was planning to do in the next year (travel for the purpose of healing). So whatever right, my friend had this negative response, but who cares? So I guess my entire system cared because since this happened I have felt the most emotionally shut down and disconnected from others I have ever felt and it's been three months now. I shared this with an online support group I am in and the facilitator said that my response makes a lot of sense knowing what I have been through. So I don't know. Like it doesn't make sense to me that I would have this reaction to what my friend said, but it has made me even more unable to connect with others now which was already an issue before.

I don't know what the point of this post is really. I try to do all the right things, but I feel that I have really fallen through the cracks in our world and society. My life does not feel like it's worth living mostly because I have such a hard time connecting with others, I don't ever have anything to look forward to. I am just alone all the time pretty much, but when I am around people I also feel really alone.

 

[carac]

Getting out and making new friends can be hard, you have to lay a lot of foundations and put a lot of effort in sometimes. This can be difficult, especially for someone in the situation it sounds like you are in. That you are trying and have a group is a great thing, you should be proud, real life connections are so important.

Sometimes we try all the right things and it doesn't work out, just trying though is important, sometimes things just click into place, it's all about creating oppurtunities

 

[nozomu]

I'm trying to do this myself and it's quite hard... wishing you luck

 

[sadwriter]

I'm in a similar situation of having to essentially start over socially in my area/ having everyone close to me be out of state. I feel you regarding how draining it is to try to be around people you aren't close with & make new friends/ find community when you aren't doing well. Right now that feels like one of the major things that's keeping me down and one of the reasons that I wish I could escape my life.

Although it's often said that recovery requires connection, I don't think that has to mean having "community" or a number of close friends nearby. Connection can be virtual as well, eg your online support group or this forum. Either way, it sounds like you're doing all the right things that you possibly can for your recovery as far as connections go given the situation you're in.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so alone and don't have anything to look forward to. I hope that you'll be able to find people that you feel safe and comfortable with in your area and that your recovery journey will get easier.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

I also am diagnosed with cPTSD. Interpersonal dynamics are so stressful and confusing. Rejection sensitivity is so hard. It's something I struggle with. I've closed myself off from most people to avoid it.

Not knowing the details, the plan of travel for healing sounds like a nice idea. Whatever you do, I hope you find the healing you seek and the connection you crave.

My therapist shared this article about RSD, I've found it helpful. Maybe you can appreciate it too. It's framed around neurodivergence, but also has an overlap with cPTSD.

Living with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is common in neurodivergent people and people with complex trauma. This article explains what it’s like.

neuroclastic.com

 

[carac]

I also am diagnosed with cPTSD. Interpersonal dynamics are so stressful and confusing. Rejection sensitivity is so hard. It's something I struggle with. I've closed myself off from most people to avoid it.

Not knowing the details, the plan of travel for healing sounds like a nice idea. Whatever you do, I hope you find the healing you seek and the connection you crave.

My therapist shared this article about RSD, I've found it helpful. Maybe you can appreciate it too. It's framed around neurodivergence, but also has an overlap with cPTSD.

Living with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is common in neurodivergent people and people with complex trauma. This article explains what it’s like.

neuroclastic.com

Thanks for posting this! I can relate so much, going to have to bookmark this it's such an excellent resource.

 

[tiredplant777]

Getting out and making new friends can be hard, you have to lay a lot of foundations and put a lot of effort in sometimes. This can be difficult, especially for someone in the situation it sounds like you are in. That you are trying and have a group is a great thing, you should be proud, real life connections are so important.

Sometimes we try all the right things and it doesn't work out, just trying though is important, sometimes things just click into place, it's all about creating oppurtunities

Thank you so much. I am feeling a bit better today. I used to be way more isolated years ago, but it is still hard. I was in a group for a bit but it was more of a spiritual group that got together and after a while I distanced myself because I saw that some of the people were not genuine and were really aggressive about their opinions about covid lol. I have been volunteering with one of these people though, and the meet up group I am in is really cool too, they do something about once a month.

I'm trying to do this myself and it's quite hard... wishing you luck

Thank you so much, I wish you luck also.

I'm in a similar situation of having to essentially start over socially in my area/ having everyone close to me be out of state. I feel you regarding how draining it is to try to be around people you aren't close with & make new friends/ find community when you aren't doing well. Right now that feels like one of the major things that's keeping me down and one of the reasons that I wish I could escape my life.

Although it's often said that recovery requires connection, I don't think that has to mean having "community" or a number of close friends nearby. Connection can be virtual as well, eg your online support group or this forum. Either way, it sounds like you're doing all the right things that you possibly can for your recovery as far as connections go given the situation you're in.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so alone and don't have anything to look forward to. I hope that you'll be able to find people that you feel safe and comfortable with in your area and that your recovery journey will get easier.

Hey i am sorry you are dealing with a similar thing. This is one of the reasons I wish I could escape my life also. Thank you so muvh for your words. Thank you for saying that it sounds like I am doing all of the right things. I think the hard part is trying so hard and still struggling, and the judgment that exists around that.

Thanks so much, I hope you can find safe people also and that things will get better on your end too. It's hard.

I also am diagnosed with cPTSD. Interpersonal dynamics are so stressful and confusing. Rejection sensitivity is so hard. It's something I struggle with. I've closed myself off from most people to avoid it.

Not knowing the details, the plan of travel for healing sounds like a nice idea. Whatever you do, I hope you find the healing you seek and the connection you crave.

My therapist shared this article about RSD, I've found it helpful. Maybe you can appreciate it too. It's framed around neurodivergence, but also has an overlap with cPTSD.

Living with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is common in neurodivergent people and people with complex trauma. This article explains what it’s like.

neuroclastic.com

Hey thank you so much for your understanding. Yeah I have really closed people off also. Not my friends who live in my home town, but it just feels like I can't put in the effort with new people at this point.
Thank you I will check this out, I am pretty positive I also have ADHD so this makes sense.
Good luck on your journey <3