Trying to fix my relationship feels fake

[4colliez]

I've been trying to slowly rebuild my relationship after a bunch of shit happened between me and my bf. He wanted to break up and told me a bunch of things that kind of changed the way I view him. His priorities are fucked up. But I still love him and I'm convincing myself that if he falls in love with me again he'll stop being stubborn and change the way he thinks. Trying to talk to him about how shitty his views are is like talking to a brick wall. It's been more than rough because of this and I ended up calling the hotline multiple times lol. But recently it's been going so much better between us and things are actually looking up. We're talking about the future again

The thing is it feels so fake... I don't even know how to explain it. I feel like it's only going well because I've repressed all my feelings and my needs just so he doesn't leave me. The things he said to me really fucked me up and it's not what I want in a relationship at all... it's also not how I treat him. I'm just holding onto the hope he'll come to his senses and treat me well again. I just want understanding, I've been treated like shit so much in the past I just want this to be good but unless I'm actively having a good time with him I genuinely feel miserable the rest of the time