Hello there, recently I've been through a love story failure that basically broke me completely.
We started dating when we were both 18, now we are 23 and in January she broke up because she wanted to move on and try different things, experiences and people of course. Well I was very upset of course, but I just accepted and also tried moving on. One month later , after crying a lot and moving to another city, I was totally fine and feeling good.
We have the same friends, the same connections, so everyone I was talking about how "shinny" and well I was looking, few days later, she texted me when I was traveling with some old friends to a big city. She said she was sorry, that she regreted breaking up and how surprised she was with my "growth". Well I smelled something funny there, so I gently said no to her. After a week, there was a big event at our hometown and I went there to meet everyone, and broght some new friends from the city I'm curently living in to(they are tehcno DJs, and I got a gig for them there). The party was just amazing, and she was there trying to get to me in all the ways possible, and near the end, she succeeded. She told me all kinds of beatiful words and even told me she wanted a future with me, it was 5 years of a nice relationship and it made all sense to me, so I believed.
We got back together around April and everything was nice as f***, so something happened. We never assumed that we were back together to all our friends and family, and she heard about a story of me going on a date with some random girl around March and I told her I didn't see anyone when we are broken up, and I didn't, it wasn't me. Well she raged so hard, she called me 4 am completely drunk, cursing me with all kinds of words and when I told her the truth and proved it, she said "sorry about it, but I kissed some random guy today, we stayed together this night at the bar making out, I had to tell you this now that I know I made a huge mistake, but we never assumed we were together again so I did it"
That was hard, but I didn't say anything at all, I just let it go. Remember my new friends from the city I am currently living? Well, they had a party now, in this exact city, she came and stayed at my place and we went to the party, but not together, she had a nice afternoon with me and near the night she said she would meet some girlfriends to get ready and she just went to the party, to see this "friends" of mine and well, I didn't go at all. She arrived the next day completely drunk and druged(cocaine), she told me "I love you, let's get some sleep together" and I was completely raged at that moment. Told her she used my house as a hotel, she I was obviously into those gyus and that was f***ing disgusting shit to do. She told me I was trying to control her, that we were not oficially together and she was terrified by me. I let her sleep in my room and then sent her away when she woke up.
She went back to our hometown and everything was f***ed up now, I couldn't get any sleep, I was trying to make it work 24/7 and whe didn't give a fuck about it, only big and beatiful words that had no meaning at all, I tried to walk away 3 times during this last month(August already), she kept coming to me and texting me a lot of long texts saying all kinds of love things.
I gave her a last shot, she just had to say to me that she wanted to be with me, but really mean it. She didn't, she said she loves me but didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, so I lost it. Started crying and telling her how stupid I was feeling all this time, how she played me for fool for months and how disgusted and hurt I was. For her, I did this to myself(not a complete lie), she wasn't sure of what she wanted and she was sorry for it, but for her she did nothing wrong at all, I was the one turning her into a monster that plays with people, I was the one playing myself while using her as an excuse and I belivied every word.
Now I'm going to a psychiatric clinic in a few weeks, I went to a party with my friends and I saw her with one of me DJ "friend" at the party and I completely broke. I represent a constant danger to myself and people around me according to my doctor, I lost touch with reality and should me consider unstable and dangerous. I tried getting better, i tried moving on and I let her come to me and destroy me as a whole. I still want to get better so I can see her coming towards me again so I can say "you don't need to be sorry, I thank you letting me go now fuck off" but I can't see this happening no more, she is completely gone now and she is going out with a bunch of DJs from my currently city, I made a f***ing bridge for her to come here and do whatever she wants.
Someone please help, this whole thing happened between January - August, it's just too much for me to handle and I won't be able do CTB for a while in that clinic.
We started dating when we were both 18, now we are 23 and in January she broke up because she wanted to move on and try different things, experiences and people of course. Well I was very upset of course, but I just accepted and also tried moving on. One month later , after crying a lot and moving to another city, I was totally fine and feeling good.
We have the same friends, the same connections, so everyone I was talking about how "shinny" and well I was looking, few days later, she texted me when I was traveling with some old friends to a big city. She said she was sorry, that she regreted breaking up and how surprised she was with my "growth". Well I smelled something funny there, so I gently said no to her. After a week, there was a big event at our hometown and I went there to meet everyone, and broght some new friends from the city I'm curently living in to(they are tehcno DJs, and I got a gig for them there). The party was just amazing, and she was there trying to get to me in all the ways possible, and near the end, she succeeded. She told me all kinds of beatiful words and even told me she wanted a future with me, it was 5 years of a nice relationship and it made all sense to me, so I believed.
We got back together around April and everything was nice as f***, so something happened. We never assumed that we were back together to all our friends and family, and she heard about a story of me going on a date with some random girl around March and I told her I didn't see anyone when we are broken up, and I didn't, it wasn't me. Well she raged so hard, she called me 4 am completely drunk, cursing me with all kinds of words and when I told her the truth and proved it, she said "sorry about it, but I kissed some random guy today, we stayed together this night at the bar making out, I had to tell you this now that I know I made a huge mistake, but we never assumed we were together again so I did it"
That was hard, but I didn't say anything at all, I just let it go. Remember my new friends from the city I am currently living? Well, they had a party now, in this exact city, she came and stayed at my place and we went to the party, but not together, she had a nice afternoon with me and near the night she said she would meet some girlfriends to get ready and she just went to the party, to see this "friends" of mine and well, I didn't go at all. She arrived the next day completely drunk and druged(cocaine), she told me "I love you, let's get some sleep together" and I was completely raged at that moment. Told her she used my house as a hotel, she I was obviously into those gyus and that was f***ing disgusting shit to do. She told me I was trying to control her, that we were not oficially together and she was terrified by me. I let her sleep in my room and then sent her away when she woke up.
She went back to our hometown and everything was f***ed up now, I couldn't get any sleep, I was trying to make it work 24/7 and whe didn't give a fuck about it, only big and beatiful words that had no meaning at all, I tried to walk away 3 times during this last month(August already), she kept coming to me and texting me a lot of long texts saying all kinds of love things.
I gave her a last shot, she just had to say to me that she wanted to be with me, but really mean it. She didn't, she said she loves me but didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, so I lost it. Started crying and telling her how stupid I was feeling all this time, how she played me for fool for months and how disgusted and hurt I was. For her, I did this to myself(not a complete lie), she wasn't sure of what she wanted and she was sorry for it, but for her she did nothing wrong at all, I was the one turning her into a monster that plays with people, I was the one playing myself while using her as an excuse and I belivied every word.
Now I'm going to a psychiatric clinic in a few weeks, I went to a party with my friends and I saw her with one of me DJ "friend" at the party and I completely broke. I represent a constant danger to myself and people around me according to my doctor, I lost touch with reality and should me consider unstable and dangerous. I tried getting better, i tried moving on and I let her come to me and destroy me as a whole. I still want to get better so I can see her coming towards me again so I can say "you don't need to be sorry, I thank you letting me go now fuck off" but I can't see this happening no more, she is completely gone now and she is going out with a bunch of DJs from my currently city, I made a f***ing bridge for her to come here and do whatever she wants.
Someone please help, this whole thing happened between January - August, it's just too much for me to handle and I won't be able do CTB for a while in that clinic.
